resenting having to wait & broken promises

[kate.m.]

Like many of the ladies on here, i am super broody! It feels like more than a want, it feels like an actual craving to have a baby, and it just keeps getting worse. Of course im going to wait untill hubby is ready for a baby, but its just been bugging me lately that he's completely happy & doing whatever he wants, and i feel like crap most of the time, because im being forced to wait. Ive recently really started resenting being forced to do somethin i dont want to do (ie- taking my pill), and i wanted hubby to understand how i was feeling & to be in the same position as me. I wanted him to be forced to go without something he desperately craves- just because i say so.... so i explained this to him & asked him to quit smoking. Smoking is something he could easily have, and something he desperatly wants, but "cant" have just because i say so- similar to me craving a child.
He lasted 3 weeks. I have lasted 9 months so far. I could give in to my cravings and stop taking my pill just as easily as he can go and buy cigarettes. But i dont- because he doesnt want me to. That is the only thing that keeps me taking it. How can he break his promise like that and think its ok? If i were to break my promise it would be totally morally wrong etc. Yet me & my opinions can be ignored & i just have to carry on doing as he tells me? I couldnt really care less about whether he smokes or not, its more about him showing that he would do the same for me as i am for him. But apparantly he cant.

sorry 4 the essay

 

[Sarahkka]

Sorry you are feeling so frustrated.
Maybe part of the problem with that experiment is that he doesn't really want to quit smoking and you do really want to have a baby? I get the part about the craving, but I don't know if it's quite the same. I don't know if you can compare an addiction to a baby. Maybe that's part of the reason he didn't get it?

 

[lozzy21]

He dosent get it cos hes a bloke. They dont know what its like to want some thing so bad that it physicaly hurts. The craving for a fag is nothing like the craving for a baby.

Chin up hun it will happen one day.

 

[Mrs Doddy]

Its really hard, I waited for nearly two years, I managed to persuade H for me to come off the pill 5months earlier than he planned. I had months of being really down about it all but there wasn't anything that I could do about it. I had to have other things to occupy my mind

 

[xLisax]

Dont really have any advice, Just wanted to send some

xx

 

[impatient1]

I am currently going through the same thing with my OH. He says he's not ready to try again and I am more than ready. If you ever need to talk feel free to pm me.

 

[elmaxie]

Awww sorry your feeling crap and he couldnt stick more than 3 weeks.

I would stop taking the pill and make him wear a condom! If he cant be bothered then he knows the potential....maybe I am just mean though?



Emma.xx

 

[helenbun2005]

oh my darling! i understand! and i only have a month to wait - although i begged and begged again tonight to make it sept and he rested on rock,paper, sissors to determin that to do...i won...but he still said no!

i totally understand the craving...men just dont get it..period...they dont undertand the physical need.

i say...sit him down once more and say "right love...this is the deal..i not only want another baby...i NEED another baby and its something i dont expect you to understand. But thats what it is. Its a need to have a nother child. i want to do this with you not aginst you and i need you to understand, becasue you love me..."

good luck sweetie! and once your done, please come over mine and give the same speech to my hubby!

 

[Amygdala]

In his defense, the nicotine addiction is the hardest thing to overcome physically. I'm sure he didn't just "not get it". And his smoking again doesn't affect you as much as your having a baby would affect him. So I don't think you can directly compare the two.
I still hope you both can get to the same place soon though.

 

[princess_bump]

just wanted to send you lots of these xxx

 

[FEDup1981]

Huge hugs. fed up of waiting myself x

 

[kate.m.]

He doesnt want to quit smoking, i dont want to quit wanting a baby. But we were both going to do it to make the other happy.

I know im being totally irrational, i just wanted him to understand the desperate need to want something. Him craving cigarettes is a fake, chemical craving. Me craving a baby is evolution! Women are designed to want babies, its what keeps the human race going. How am i supposed to ignore something as strong as that? Its got to be at least on a par with craving ciggs?

I told him that seeing as he broke his promise, i wont be keeping mine either & i wont be taking the pill untill he quits smoking again. Ive told him that the ball is totally in his court & to go and buy some condoms.

The consequences of smoking & unprotected sex are totally different too. Me giving in results in a baby, him giving in results in lung cancer and death. Sorry, ive got my stubborn head on!

 

[Sophie1205]

He doesnt want to quit smoking, i dont want to quit wanting a baby. But we were both going to do it to make the other happy.

I know im being totally irrational, i just wanted him to understand the desperate need to want something. Him craving cigarettes is a fake, chemical craving. Me craving a baby is evolution! Women are designed to want babies, its what keeps the human race going. How am i supposed to ignore something as strong as that? Its got to be at least on a par with craving ciggs?

I told him that seeing as he broke his promise, i wont be keeping mine either & i wont be taking the pill untill he quits smoking again. Ive told him that the ball is totally in his court & to go and buy some condoms.

The consequences of smoking & unprotected sex are totally different too. Me giving in results in a baby, him giving in results in lung cancer and death. Sorry, ive got my stubborn head on!

I actually completely agree with you on that one!

to you xxx

 

[amyclaire]

i understand completely, its just the hardest thing ever isnt it, complete natural instinct for us and no matter how much we think about something else or try and push it to the back of our minds it just wont go away - even if we wanted it to. im fed up of how much it hurts too, nothing compares to it
it hurts so much doesnt it, im just so glad theres this forum n stuff so we can find the others who feel like this.
difficult for me to give advice as im in the exact same situation. i just hope that even if he cant understand, he is loving towards you and tries to sympathise xxxxxxxxx

 

[bunnyg82]

xx

 

[goddess25]

Awww sorry your feeling crap and he couldnt stick more than 3 weeks.

I would stop taking the pill and make him wear a condom! If he cant be bothered then he knows the potential....maybe I am just mean though?



Emma.xx

I agree, i would totally stop the pill so your body is prepared and ready when you want to try, and i would make him wear condoms.

 

[Beltane]

 

[kate.m.]

Thanks everyone for your kind replies!

Yeah, i have stopped taking the pill: i told him that either both of us keep our promise, or neither of us. I thought he'd be pissed off about it, but he was very understanding & actually agreed! Lets hope he gets fed up of condoms and just gives in!

 

[lovehearts]

i gave up taking my pill - i said that i wanted my body to get back to a normal cycle etc. I said if he didnt want a baby now that he would have the responsibility of wearing a condom - and he does - most of the time!!!

 

[apple_20]

i understand how you are feeling after having a m.c i've wanted (no needed) a baby my OH originally said he wanted to start trying as soon as my cycle was back to normal. now he says he needs more time to think and though i understand this he doesnt get how let down i feel because when you really want a baby another month feels like another year!
i feel your pain men just dont have maternal feelings they are faaar to rational!