Resuming sex?

[KittyCat83]

My LO is 16 weeks old and the other night DH and I thought it was time to have sex for the first time since our son was born. I had an episiotomy and a 3rd degree tear, so needless to say I was very nervous!

Anyway, it didn't go well. I felt so tense even though my DH is very patient and supportive. He barely touched me, it hurt and we had to stop.

I feel pretty down about it as I really want to resume our normal sex life but I'm just scared that it'll be too painful. I know I'm just going to have to grit my teeth and get on with it as that's the only way it'll get better but I'm not looking forward to it!

What are people's experiences with resuming sex after tears/cuts? Did you just have to power through and then it got better in time?

Thanks x

 

[Teri7489]

Take it really slow, honestly. I had a4th degree tear and it took about 13 weeks to just deal with that. We had to use lots of lube, I had a hot bath before to relax, and I was in control. Even now at 10 month pp we have to be a little more careful as too much can be uncomfortable. Just try to ease in to it and enjoy getting that special time with your oh again xxx

 

[LoveCakes]

I had a second degree tear and grazes that were stitched and although in at the point I'd like to again (especially after not being able to during pregnancy) it scares me. I haven't even tried to orgasm myself as it scares me though not sure why.

I'm going to wait until after 6 week appointment then see how it goes. I was also planning on getting a bit drunk!

Maybe don't go straight for sex. Build up but by bit so you're not spending all of fire play scared of what's coming.

 

[Wannabe Mommy]

I had a 2nd degree tear and waited till after 6 weeks check assuming if get the go ahead from the DR but he didn't check or ask anything about the tear. When I asked if I was Ok to give it a go he said it was my decision, very helpful!

Any who the first time felt a little bruised but not painful, since then it's been fine although the opportunity doesn't arise as much as pre-preg given that hubby works nights on a rota and I'm always knackered

 

[HKateH]

I had an episiotomy which got infected and honestly, it's still not back to normal even 16 months on. It was tight and sore for a good while and now I still need lots of lube as it always hurts at first. My sex drive has suffered horrendously!

 

[LittleNikki]

I had an episiotomy and grazes from forcep delivery (tbh I think the grazes hurt more than the cut) we first attempted sex 10 weeks after the birth and it did hurt quite a lot like pulling on the scar and like it was going to split again. We too used a lot of lubricant and he jusf took it slowly (I was so nervous and tense). We didn't try again till about 14 weeks and it was a little better, to be honest my son is almost 7 months now and we have only had sex 3 times most recently last week and it was still tender and required lubricant

 

[Vicki_Cream]

I only had the tiniest tear (only required 4 stitches) and some grazes, and we tried to have sex at about 3 months PP, and it hurt like hell. Needless to say, I've been too scared to try again, and my LO is 8 months old! I feel so so bad for my OH, and a little silly for getting myself so worked up about it lol.

I also have zero sex drive too, but I've read that can be caused by breastfeeding, it certainly isn't because I don't fancy my OH. It doesn't help I'm always knackered, and at the moment, I view my bed for sleeping and nothing else My OH has been wonderful and so understanding with it all, he has the patience of a saint!

 

[candyem]

I had a 2nd degree tear and stitches and we tried at about 8 weeks pp. He barely touched me and I was in agony. We tried again a few weeks later with loads of lube and it didn't feel any better. It wasn't until my little girl was almost 4 months that I plucked up the courage to look 'down there' and I instantly saw why it wasn't happening. I healed or was stitched wrong and it would have been impossible for us to have sex. I am now awaiting an appointment to go in for day surgery to have it sorted. I was actually quite pleased it wasn't just in my head. Have you checked that you healed correctly? Might be worth checking if not. Good luck.

 

[minties]

I have only had c-sections, so feel free to disregard this advice.

I would try massaging the vagina with oil/lube. Scar tissue is a bitch. I have a lot from the sections and also some other surgery I had this year. Massage can help break the scar tissue down and regain some flexibility in your skin and flesh.

You could start with your fingers and perhaps work up to a very small dildo or something similar?

 

[Eleanor ace]

I had a 3rd degree tear with my DS. We tried at 6 weeks pp and had to stop as it was too sore. A few days later we tried again and it was manageable but scary! It got better each time and after a couple of months it felt like normal. With DD I just had little 1st and 2nd degree tears and it was a lot less scary/painful!