Rough night (long)

[mernie]

Last night was TERRIBLE!! Since we brought her home Brianna has had her nights of waking up for a change or a feed but has had quite a few days of just sleeping through from about 9:30-4.

I BF Brianna at 9 she ate for 30 minutes and went to sleep so we put her in her moses basket well she kept waking up and crying so I finally got her out and rocked her to sleep and sang her a lullabye and when she was finally asleep moved her into our room and put her in her bassinet about 10. We followed around 10 and about 15 minutes later she woke up crying. She could be comforted and then as soon as we'd lay her back down she'd start crying again. around 1030 I fed her again and again she ate off of both boobs but when she got to the second one started crying then latching then unlatching and crying so on and so on. She had been crying sooo much that I was already at the end of my rope and the last time she unlatched and started screaming I literally had no choice but to hand her to DH and walk away. She kept up with the crying until about 1130 and DH who wakes up at 4am everyday couldn't take it anymore either so he gave her formula. Then she went to sleep and stayed that way.


The weird part about it was was when he was making her formula he was holding her and as soon as they got into the kitchen she stopped crying and looked happy. Then he was having trouble multitasking with her in his arms (Noob lol) he walked her back into the bedroom to hand to me and as SOON as he stepped one foot into our bedroom door she started crying.


I was an absolute wreck DH says he understands and I'm sure he does but I know you ladies have BEEN there especially with the hormones and crying. I don't know why but for some reason last night the constant crying just gave me a breakdown I guess and I also started crying my eyes out. I just felt like the worse mother ever last night and to tell you the truth the fact that DH gave her formula then she went straight to sleep didn't help me any at all. Kinda made me wanna give up BF altogether as it seems to me that formula while obviously not what she prefers is just somehow...better for her if that makes sense. I feel like the worst mother in history right now because I just couldn't keep it together last night I also feel like the worst wife ever because I just could not handle her constant screaming and had to hand her off to him knowing how early he has to get up in the morning. Sorry for the long post ladies but I'm still feeling really down about it all this morning I feel like I should have handled it better but I just couldn't do it.

Sorry this is so long ladies but I was also wondering if anybody had any tips on perhaps getting her into a routine? Or is it too early to start even trying to do that?

 

[Serene123]

You're not the worst mother ever, it's hard!! I had soooo many breakdowns. I had no one to hand her to so I would just cry and cry whilst she kept latching on and off screaming from 1am untill 5am. Babies do prefer bottles, not formula, because bottles are easy for them and they have to work for breast milk. If you want to FF no one is going to think any less of you, and if you want to contiue BF the support is here x

 

[taperjeangirl]

 

[mari72]

Is she spending enough time on your boob to get to the fatty hind milk? It might be that she's only getting foremilk in which case she'll still be hungry. Although that doesn't really explain the crying when on the breast. You're certainly not a bad mum for giving her formula and there's nothing quite as frustrating as a constantly crying baby who can't be soothed-well i don't think so anyway. At 3 weeks baby is really new so she's bound to have some off days and some times the off days are more frequent than the good days but it'll come. I think the way you handled it sounds just fine, you all got some sleep and that's most important thing. Don't berate yourself, just chalk it up to another day on the very steep learning curve of motherhood!! As for feeding how you do it is up to you, there's plenty of support no matter which you do. Good luck x

 

[kateqpr]

I know how you feel. Had a very similar night last night and feel both exhausted and confused today. i keep trying to put poppy down at night to get some kind of routine, but she tends to cry on and off for about 3 hours. I'm BF too and started to wonder if i was providing enough milk - especially as the other night i was out for a few hours and my mum ended up giving her a bit of formula - and she slept for ages!!!!

I've been considering giving her a feed, then topping her up with formula for her midnight (ish) feed in the hope she'll settle better. Otherwise i'm having to rock and cuddle her to sleep and then ten mins later she wakes herself up.

I tried leaving her to cry it out, but just couldn't persevere, plus i worry she's too old....how does everyone else get there LO off to sleep??

 

[rach321]

We've all been there ! Don't feel bad - you did the right thing by handing her off and calming down - I'm sure your DH will manage on a bit less sleep than normal. Is she going through a growth spurt ? My LO was a nightmare to feed most of the time but especially so when he was having a growth spurt he would be on and off constantly and we would all end up getting very frustrated. As for the kitchen/bedroom thing - might have just been a change of scenery or might be because you were in the bedroom and she could smell your milk and that made her think that she was hungry for booby again. I lost count of the number of times my LO would be screaming his head off in my arms and as soon as he went to my OH he would be calm and smiling - used to break my heart.
As for routine - I never think its too early - wish I'd started my LO earlier. We try and follow the same pattern every day - doesn't always work but most of the time it does. But even if the day has gone totally wrong we always follow the same bedtime routine - bath, followed by quick baby massage follow by bottle or boob then in to bed, the lights are kept low and after the massage, baby is dressed for bed and swaddled then fed with no talking or eye contact then put to bed. There are loads of books on routines out there (and I'm not sure if I'm allowed to mention them!) but I think the secret is consistency - whatever you do - do it consistently!

 

[vicky]

I've been considering giving her a feed, then topping her up with formula for her midnight (ish) feed in the hope she'll settle better. Otherwise i'm having to rock and cuddle her to sleep and then ten mins later she wakes herself up.

have you thought about giving her two bottles, one before bed say her last feed before bed so if she goes bed at 7 and her last feed is at half 6 give her formula, then give her another top at at say 9.

or just one bottle at 9 and see how that goes for the time being.

YOur not a bad mum at all.

 

[carries]

awwww hun i remember what this was like!!! oscar used to do this and i cant count the number of times i ended up in tears handing him over to my OH. I remember some nights just feeling resentful toward him which sounds horrible but I was so frustrated that I couldnt settle him. We had issues with breast feeding and so there were some days when he had upto 3 formula feeds a day. We kept one and he still has that as his last feed of the day which works for us.

You arent a bad mother at all! Those first 6-8 weeks are really hard but just try to remember how confusing it must be for LO, thy have to learn everything too...they arent used to being hungry, wearing clothes and a nappy etc...

It really will get easier but all I can suggest is when it gets really bad and you are stressed pass baby over to your Oh, a stressed mummy equals a stressed baby. Good luck xx

 

[Vickie]

You are not a bad mother at all

 

[shampain]

Hiya hun, i could of written this myself when Patrick was a few weeks old.I'll never forget him doing the exact same thing as you say ...falling asleep for 10mins and waking...me and OH both in tears from pure exhaustion,frustration and me all hormonal. You are not a bad mum, and you totally did the right thing handing baby over while you calmed yourself down. Babies can sense your mood.
If you think formula is the way to go then do it, whatever is best for baby and you, you are no less of a mother.I breastfed for 2 weeks and gave up in the end as baby was always so unsettled of a night time. The first night i gave him formula he was fast asleep and slept for hours and hours...he was also exhausted. Support is here for you no matter what you decide.xxx

 

[Lauz_1601]

Kaitlin was the same aswell hun, it could be colic....i know this sounds daft but was the washing machine on in the kitchen ? the rhythm of the washing machine can really calm colicky babies, that may by why she stopped then cried again when in the bedroom???

I can sympathise it is really really hard, and I know it doesnt help to hear it right now but round 3 months she should settle down considerablby, people said this to me all the time and it seemed like such a long time away and I didnt know how much more I could take, but sure enougth things did settle down, and we now have her in bed before 7 every night, big hugs hun, I knwo how you feel but it will get better xxxxx