Sadness

[GirlBlue]

Hi Girls,

So my mom passed away the Wednesday before Christmas. It was totally unexpected and we were very close. As I am an only child and she lived 8 states away, DH and I had to fly all the way to her home and have her flown to her birthplace for burial. Of course, my 1st panic striken thought was how she would never see her grandchildren. How she would never see me pregnant and how she wouldn't be there to help me through birth. Anyway, I was wondering if anyone else has dealt with the loss of a parent and how people have coped or plan to cope with it. This has made me fairly anxious about wanting to try. On one hand I feel panicked about NTNP, (scarred that if I were to conceive I would be a grieving emotional mess). On the other hand, I feel desperate to conceive. There is this big void that is now in my life and now I have an unreal desire to have the relationship that my mom had with me. Any advice please. Thanks ladies.

 

[goddess25]

Girl Blue I am so sorry for your loss, I have never experienced this on a personal level before so I dont have any real advice to give you. It is going to be hard without your mum to help you through it but you will be fine. You sound like an amazingly strong woman and you will deal with pregnancy and the birth brilliantly I am sure. I know its not anywhere near the same situation as you but my mum lives 5000 miles away so I got pregnant, enjoyed my pregnancy and gave birth over here without family at my side. I have to admit there have been times its been hard and i would desperately love to see her and have her be part of everything but I live in Canada and she is in the UK. I do feel as if I have missed out on something but it has not detracted from the wonderful joy that having a child and bringing up that child can bring.

I might have rambled a bit too much sorry. I really feel for you hun. When were you originally going to start NTNP? I can understand your worry about greiving and yes you will be, for a long while to come. I am a cancer nurse so deal with people passing alot on a prefessional level and it will take some time. I think though that if you were to conceive it could only detract from that process, yes you will be sad thinking about your Mom but you will feel that way anyway, whenever you start to try.

I am so sorry. I am sorry I dont have any advice I hope someone on here is in a similar position to help you.

 

[sing<3]

Don't really have any advice but didn't want to read and run...
So sorry for your loss, I'll be thinking of you and your family
Take care xx

 

[GirlBlue]

Thanks Sing and Goddess....

@ Goddess...your insight was very helpful...gave me something to think about. We were originally thinking of TTC in 18-24 months, but we want to wait at least to DH finishes school in 8 months. We stopped BCP about 7 months ago. So we are technically NT but preventing using natural methods. We've got time to think about it and work through it I guess.

 

[MrsGaSp]

I lost my mom 7 years ago when i was 10. It truly never gets easier. Whenever something major happens in your life like getting pregnant and having a kid or getting married. It will bring up the grief of how she's not with you to share those precious moments. As i got older It was easier up until I met my OH then I wanted to share him with her and show her what I have. It's been rough but just know that she would be proud of you and that she is with you even when it doesn't seem like it.

When i was younger I use to write letters to her and that helped a lot just knowing that I was writing down everything I wanted her to know. It might get better after a while but something will cause the grief to come back up and fell the sadness of everything that she's missing out on. She loves you very much so and is there for just can't be there physically for you. Knowing this has helped a lot more for me hope it helps you.

I can tell that you are a strong woman and can get through this just don't hide your emotions you gotta talk to someone to help you get through this.

I'm here if you ever want to talk. I'm so sorry for your lose it's not something anyone should have to go through.

 

[GirlBlue]

Thanks MrsGaSp...someone else suggested something similar...keeping a journal of things my mom said or things I'd like to say to her. I start back to therapy next week. Like you said, I think I don't want to push past it and pretend like everything is fine. I've been through alot in life, but this is definitely the hardest.

 

[Amygdala]

I'm so sorry for your loss! I haven't been in a similar situation myself but two of my very close friends have. I think it's important that you concentrate on yourself for now and allow the grief. Keeping a journal seems like a good idea. You've got a few months till your TTC date yet, so just put that to one side and reevaluate how you feel in summer.
You will get through this.

 

[GirlBlue]

I'm so sorry for your loss! I haven't been in a similar situation myself but two of my very close friends have. I think it's important that you concentrate on yourself for now and allow the grief. Keeping a journal seems like a good idea. You've got a few months till your TTC date yet, so just put that to one side and reevaluate how you feel in summer.
You will get through this.

Thanks Amy...

 

[kelly brown]

Hi Girls,

So my mom passed away the Wednesday before Christmas. It was totally unexpected and we were very close. As I am an only child and she lived 8 states away, DH and I had to fly all the way to her home and have her flown to her birthplace for burial. Of course, my 1st panic striken thought was how she would never see her grandchildren. How she would never see me pregnant and how she wouldn't be there to help me through birth. Anyway, I was wondering if anyone else has dealt with the loss of a parent and how people have coped or plan to cope with it. This has made me fairly anxious about wanting to try. On one hand I feel panicked about NTNP, (scarred that if I were to conceive I would be a grieving emotional mess). On the other hand, I feel desperate to conceive. There is this big void that is now in my life and now I have an unreal desire to have the relationship that my mom had with me. Any advice please. Thanks ladies.

hi there i lost my dad on the 15th of november to a road traffic accident he was only 49 never ill always worked how can he be taken from us when they are loved so much your like me thats what i thought i lost 2 babies and he was deversated no when i have kids they aint going to see there grandad well in fact they wont have a grandad as hubby dad left when his mum was 12weeks so his never meet him so its going to be an emotionl day thank fully he gave me away as got married 2008 and my brother gave him a grandson and grand daughter they talk about him but our children will only no him from a photo but we have so many funny memories message me if you need a chat i am here and no what your going through my thoughts are with you and your family big hugs keep ya chin up girl and no matter where your mum is she will be proud xxx

 

[Pinkgirl]

Hey
I am so so hunni, sending you big
I am not in this situation so crap with the advise.
Just to say us WTT ladies are all here for you
xx

 

[MrsGaSp]

Just remembering all the memories you have had with her helps a lot. Just like everyone else has said she will be proud. Take your time and heal as much as you can. We are all hear for you.

 

[Mummy~L]

Hi There,
Firstly I just want to say how so very sorry I am for your loss. There is nothing that even comes close to the way you feel when you lose your mum.

I lost my mum very suddenely 3 years ago. She was 41 years old and I was 19 and am also an only child. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with and it really hasnt got that much easier, I have just learnt to deal with it but it is still so hard.

I found that when I was pregnant with Bobby I went through a real range of emotions. Upset because my mum wouldnt get to meet him (she couldnt wait for grandchildren!) angry that she wasnt here, worried that I wouldnt have her there to support me through pregnancy and labour. I then decided the best way to think was that she would be so proud of her grandson and of me and that makes me feel happy. I still have many days where I get upset and so wish she was still here but that is to be expected!

Things wont be easy and you will feel a huge range of emotions once you get pregnant and have your LO but you must remember that your mum would be so so proud of you. You are very lucky as it sounds like you have a very supportive Husband!

Again so sorry for your loss xxxxxxx

 

[GirlBlue]

Thanks everybody!!! You all are amazing. I am so sorry to hear of everyone who has also lost a parent. I know it never compares, but it is amazing how we can find comfort in the words and kind thoughts of friends, family, and others in our darkest days. Hugs...