Same midwife

[Love4all]

Hello, I am having a dilemma. I am 23 years old and 10 weeks 4 days pregnant. My partner is 41 and has 3 children already. He is still in the midst of a custody battle with his ex wife. The divorce is not quite finalized. This woman drives me crazy because she truely does not take care of her kids (they dont shower for days or brush their teeth and spends about half the month partying and drinking when she is a grown 38 year old). I know they are not my kids, I just really do care. So anyways my partner believes in natural birth and I always wanted a water birth because I think it would be more relaxing. I found a midwife who is experienced and close enough for a home birth. It turns out that she delievered my partners first two children, had retired and is now practicing again. I thought I could deal with the fact she delievered my partner and his almost ex wife, but when I went to the midwifes house to meet her, there were two pictures hanging of his ex with her babies that the midwife delievered. I was just so uncomfortable. I don't want the midwife or my partner comparing me to the other woman. Or my partner to flash back to the birth of his. Other home birthed children. My partner said he would ask the. Midwife to take the pictures down but I think that's unreasonable to ask of the midwife and would only solve a fraction of my issues. There really are no other close midwifes that do home births only birthing centers. Am I being over emotional? Can someone please level with me?

 

[Cjackord]

leveling with you? too close for comfort. it seems like you are in a crazy weird situation that would make any sane person do a double-take.

not quite divorced, vilifying the not-quite-ex-wife (which may be perfectly true, but you'd can't judge someone else's life until you've lived it), and he wants you to use the same midwife as his ex? it really sounds like he's holding on to his ex and the life he had with her.

whether or not you should use a new midwife is totally YOUR decision. but you should definitely make sure that it is entirely your decision and not his. no matter what you choose, you can't erase the past that he has with her or his kids. he WILL compare the births, there's no way around that. maybe look at the bright side of "he's already been there."