scans and appointments???

[pinkbump1]

hi ya all, I am single with a little girl (she is 1 15th jan) and I am about 10-11 weeks pregnant. I have my dating scan on the 28th dec and I am high risk due to having a spinal fusion and a blood clotting problem (von willebrands disease) i was high risk with my daughter so its nothing new.

I have split u with the babies daddy - we split up a month before i found out i was pregnant again thing is i dont want him at my app as he is stressing the hell out of me everytime i see him (he has our daughter for 3 days a week) he has used the words "if" he is the dad to the unborn (ive never given him a reason to believe otherwise and he deffo is) and he also said he didnt believe i was pregnant so much so I took a urine sample to him with an unopened pregnancy test and told him to do it. He said he did believe me it was just shock but he couldnt do the test quick enough.

I havent told my family yet as there response when i was pregnant with little girl wasnt great my mum even said after i had her dont think of having anymore coz of my back.

i am so lost i dont want him there due to stress and i cant take the emotional side of all that at the min, so does he have to be there at appointments when i dont want him to xxxxxxxxx

 

[lemontree12]

no not at all, does he know the exact time and date?
if your high risk the last thng you need is someone stressing you out, and with him knowing from your daughter if he was a decent bloke he should of laid of with the stress.
i think you should seek some sort of support from your family, they might shock you and be that support you actually need. my mum used the words 'disappointment' when i told her i was pregnant with my little girl, she did ring a few days later and explained what she meant, that fob wouldnt of supported me, and she was right. but she was telling my 6month daughter the other day, to be good for mummy so i can go out and meet a new man f she would like a brother or sister, i am no where in any rush to have anymore children but it was nice to hear she was supportive if i did. theres nothing see can say to change it other than offer her support.

xxx

 

[pinkbump1]

thanks for response hun, I feel like an emotional wreck every time I see him and I cant be doing with him going over the whole situation over and over my head is battered and i need to stand strong and firm for both my babies. FOB dont know the date or time of the scan and he has said he is going to ring up the hospital and find out but im sure they wont give that information out.

I am so drained emotional and physically without the effects of being pregnant.

I do need to tell my mum but i just dont know what to say, I am going to have my scan and go from there I want to make sure all ok first because all i have done is spent my time crying. I feel fine when my daughter is up and then when she is in bed I crumble. I hate it and I would never get back with him for making me doubt and feel the way the way I do about me, the unborn and the whole situation.

I have told him I also dont want him there as my birthing partner and he has had a go but I need some support not a reminder that he isnt there for me. If he isnt there for me with a relationship then he has no part to play in the must intimate and vulnerable time of my life.

i just dont want to be a bitch and cut him out but I also cant handle the stress on top of being pregnant. He makes me a nervous wreck I have to keep telling him to lock the car door when Belle is in the car and ive had to tell him twice now not to leave belle in the car with stuff around her neck. I really can do without him trying to be there when I just want to get on with my life for the babies sake.

thank you for sharing your experience hun with your mums reaction - funny how at the age of 28 (29 on 22nd dec) I am still scared of my mums reaction. Cant believe I am nearly 3 months pregnant and hiding it like a teenager!!! Makes me feel sad coz i am not ashamed of being pregnant just feel so lost and confused I hate it that men make us feel like that x

 

[lemontree12]

i know its not the same but i know exactly how you feel in regards to not seeing fob, but unlike you you will eventually have to see him with him being in your daughters life, my fob as not meet our daughter we were together four year and he refuses to met her. but we have not been talking for nearly 3months, and its honestly been the best feeling iv had pretty much since i met him. it helped me move on and see him for the low life he really is. and im grateful not to share my daughter with him.
the hospital will give no information out about any patient. also i know this from experience with my fob, if you actually do want to go down the route of not having him there when you give birth you can speak to your midwife, i simply signed a form which was in my notes at the hospital that if fob was to turn up then they would come in and ask me. funny i didnt even have to deal with that, as he ignored my texts and went clubbing with his gf, the one he was cheating on with with. i dont honestly believe i could of had him there after everything.

yes i know i was 26 when i told my mum, and i just texted her it, i was too scared to say it.
wow iv just seen your little lady is not 1 yet, she looks so grown up in her picture with you x

 

[pinkbump1]

hi ya hun hope your doing ok and i am sorry your little girls havent got there dad hun must be heartbreaking for you. I would rather go through my own heartbreak than be heart broken because of the children not seeing there dad - I must say well done for being so strong for you all. I think when you have kids they are a blessing - i call them my saving grace just wish that everytime i didnt see him it hurt because I know fully he will talk to me and pick up belle and drop her off and happily leave again and i dont know how he can do that. I am thankful but hurt that belle and baby going to know no different - its really sad but i am glad its happened now rather than another 4 years down the line I just hate it and i need to be strong its just a bugger when exhausted, feeling rough with the pregnancy and breaking out in spots coz when i see him he makes me feel like crap and now i look like crap!!!!!

i just want a new year and a new start, after xmas i am re-decorating my whole flat for a fresh start (been in band b with council to move since april and still waiting was hopeing to move sooner rather than later to get rid of the reminders) because i hate looking at it all at the min.

On the plus side it isnt long until my dating scan Lets just hope all is ok because I dread to think how much upset this has really caused.

My sister isnt that great being supportive either she had a go at me the other day for being miserable!!!!!!! but how am i meant to be? My family know i split up with kev and not one single phone call to see if im ok for just over a month now. Im sure they think if they ignore it - its not happening. Pretty much the same attitude as kev - im not allowed to talk to him about anything. When we first split up i tried to sort it all out and talk to him but he told me to only talk to him about belle so I havent even been able to air how i feel. I was going to write him a letter but im not going to waste my time and he dont deserve to know how hurt i am. Just wish the tears would stop and i could smile sweetly at him and not break down after. When he takes belle i spend my whole time crying and I have got to stop it. Ive got to get over it and be thankful that im not with someone who dont want me at all rather than being with someone who doesnt want to be.

Belle is one on the 15th jan bless her she is quiet tall and i think its all her hair, she is still a dinky dot weight wise. I had her weighed in november and she was 16lb 15.5oz!!! but on the 75th centile for length lol I am looking forward to xmas with her, FOB is here for a few hours xmas day if he can civil and he is having belle 9am-12pm boxing day xxxxxxx

Well done for being brave and a star im so worried my children are going to hate me but my mum done it on her own and us kids never hated her for a second xxxxxxxxxx

 

[lemontree12]

im quite thankful hes out of our life, im really happy just me and my daugter now, although i do miss me time, silly things like gym etc, i literally have her 24/7 my mum lives in a different country so its literally just us two, iv got some amazing friends, i just hate asking them to have her.
i also believe my daughter saved me, i was in a dead end relationship with someone who stayed out night at the weekends cheating, made me feel the fattest uyliest girl in the world. if it werent for my daughter id still be with him like a mug.
your little baby should be fine, i suffered panick attacks at the start of my pregnancy, and sickness due to stress the whole way threw, my little lady couldnt be any more perfect.

it used to take me nearly a week to get over talking to my ex, i remember near the end of my pregnancy i picked my post up, and he happened to ring his mum the moment i picked it up, he asked her if i was ok, and to put me on, he asked all the right questions about her even refered to her as a her rather than it, as it was, asked was she healthy and to let him no when she arrived so i asked he wanted to met her he simply said no!. that 2min call killed me, i had a week of work becaused i cried that much it made me have bad headaches. it hurt more that he pretended to care an those questions where only asked because he had to. now im glad hes not around. everything takes time and in time you will look back and wonder why you where so upset.
your babies will never hate you, you are doing this to make them happy. my daughter gets a smiley mummy all the time, shes never heard anyone shout, i know if i was with fob he would shout if he woke him up.
try stay positive

xxx

 

[baby88]

hiya hunny, sorry to here ur going through a hard time, if u tell the hospital when u go in for ur scan that you don't want anyone coming in or givimg any information they should respect ur wishes,but usually i would imagine if he did turn up they would come and ask your permission first, u just concentrate on ur daughter and baby hun, dont let no man stress u out, bless u, xx congrats on the bfp xx