heather_dw
Two angel babies.
- Joined
- Jun 11, 2010
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On Friday, my OBGYN confirmed that I was pregnant. They told me the line was faint. They weren't worried about that because I was only 4 or so days late for my period. I'd only be 4 weeks pregnant.
I had a miscarriage in 2007. I had gone to an ER because I had weird rusty discharge and pregnancy tests were getting lighter. The ER doc examined me and said "you're not having a miscarriage because your cervix is closed up tightly. Let's take blood". I waited. I swear it was hours and hours. People kept walking by the room and nervously looking in at me. Finally, a nurse came in and told me that my hCG was so low, I could only be 1 week pregnant OR I was having an M/C. 1 week ago, my husband was in surgery, so...
Later that night, the miscarriage started.
We TTC after that, but without success. I gave up on my dream for a while and stopped charting. I was entirely depressed. I'd always had weird cramps that had gotten worse. Well, in July 2009 I had my gallbladder taken out. They told me that they found a weird cyst inside of my abdomen. It was the size of a volleyball. He tested it for cancer and it was negative. He said "oh, whenever you get your insurance fixed, get it checked out. It's no biggie.
February of this year, the cramps were getting worse. I couldn't even go to the grocery store without being in agony. One night, it got so bad, I seriously thought I was going to die. Headed to one ER, got released because it was 2am on Superbowl Sunday and they (and I quote) "Were not going to call in someone to do an ultrasound early on a Sunday". They shot me up with drugs and let me WALK out. Went home and a few hours later, it was still bad. We went to a better/farther away ER. They were incredulous about what happened at the other ER. They said they'd admit me if they could find an OBGYN to take me. They did.. and I love her to pieces. I truly think that God sent her to me. She came in and after talking to me not even 10 seconds, she said "you want to have a baby, don't you?" I hadn't even said a word about babies! I told her about my miscarriage and cried.
She said that the CT scan found a cyst bigger than a football coming off of my left ovary and they would have to remove it and the tube. The tube was wrapped around itself 4 times (they found this out during the surgery and also took out my appendix, cleaned up a tiny bit of endometriosis and clipped a small cyst on my other ovary). She assured me that I still have the same chances of conceiving as anyone else. I was devastated. I couldn't believe it. How could I do something with one ovary, that I could not do with two? She said that I probably wasn't ovulating most of the time, since I was pretty messed up in the lady business department.
After my surgery, they ran all sorts of tests on me. Found out I was PREdiabetic and started seeing a dietician. They saw that my liver enzymes were up (which they are not anymore because I lost 21 pounds between Feb and today). They put me on prenatals 7days post surgery. My cycle never skipped a beat. I was ovulating less than two weeks post surgery. She waited for me to heal up a bit and told me that we didn't conceive in 2 cycles, she'd put me on Clomid. She had me chart and send them to her. She was pleased with them, all the time reassuring me that "you're going to come back Pregnant! Heck, I saw her a few weeks ago and she was telling me what an awesome wedding anniversary/father's day gift being pregnant would be for hubby and I (12 year anniversary is on the 20th). I was skeptical. This was the last cycle before Clomid and I was feeling cynical.
Fast forward to the last week. Earlier in the week, (sorry, this is gross), but I had pink blood.. just really light and I really had to dig/look for it (I was looking for my period because my temps were being weird). I had pink for another day and then brown after that and then nothing. I usually have a 12-13 day LP. I was on day 14 and then 15 and my temps would be really high one day and then lower, but above coverline the next. I was perplexed. Thursday night, I bought HPT and took one before dinner. It was a faint positive. Hubby acted like it never happened. He was protecting himself. I took the other test the next morning. The line was still faint, but a tiny bit darker. Hubby was upset it wasn't darker. Called the OBGYN office and they told me to come in immediately and confirmed the BFP.
I cried at the office like a crazy person because I'm TERRIFIED of another miscarriage. When they took my blood, I got upset because that's how I found out I was miscarrying the last time. I have to get blood drawn Monday to see if the numbers increase. I'm so worried they aren't going to. They put me on 200MG of Prometrium 1x a day (by mouth in pill form) just as a precaution. We've already told everyone about the pregnancy. Hubby was too excited and I feel like if I hide the BFP, it's like I'm EXPECTING to have a miscarriage. My doctor put her arm around me and said "I know deep down in my heart that you will be fine". Mom says I'll be fine, so does hubby and everyone else, but I'm scared. I'm always checking myself for blood and every pain or twinge in my lower area freaks me out. I tell myself that statistically, most people DON'T have miscarriages and I'm in better health than I was 3 years ago and I don't have that cyst.
I am sorry for the long post, but I feel like I need to get it off my chest and talk with people who can understand or possibly talk me down off of this anxious ledge I'm on. I find myself saying "IF" we have this baby, we'll need to do ___. I keep correcting myself to say "WHEN" we have this baby. I don't want to set myself up to fail. It feels like I'm in a dream and I'll wake up, or the other shoe will drop or something.
Help?
I had a miscarriage in 2007. I had gone to an ER because I had weird rusty discharge and pregnancy tests were getting lighter. The ER doc examined me and said "you're not having a miscarriage because your cervix is closed up tightly. Let's take blood". I waited. I swear it was hours and hours. People kept walking by the room and nervously looking in at me. Finally, a nurse came in and told me that my hCG was so low, I could only be 1 week pregnant OR I was having an M/C. 1 week ago, my husband was in surgery, so...
Later that night, the miscarriage started.
We TTC after that, but without success. I gave up on my dream for a while and stopped charting. I was entirely depressed. I'd always had weird cramps that had gotten worse. Well, in July 2009 I had my gallbladder taken out. They told me that they found a weird cyst inside of my abdomen. It was the size of a volleyball. He tested it for cancer and it was negative. He said "oh, whenever you get your insurance fixed, get it checked out. It's no biggie.
February of this year, the cramps were getting worse. I couldn't even go to the grocery store without being in agony. One night, it got so bad, I seriously thought I was going to die. Headed to one ER, got released because it was 2am on Superbowl Sunday and they (and I quote) "Were not going to call in someone to do an ultrasound early on a Sunday". They shot me up with drugs and let me WALK out. Went home and a few hours later, it was still bad. We went to a better/farther away ER. They were incredulous about what happened at the other ER. They said they'd admit me if they could find an OBGYN to take me. They did.. and I love her to pieces. I truly think that God sent her to me. She came in and after talking to me not even 10 seconds, she said "you want to have a baby, don't you?" I hadn't even said a word about babies! I told her about my miscarriage and cried.
She said that the CT scan found a cyst bigger than a football coming off of my left ovary and they would have to remove it and the tube. The tube was wrapped around itself 4 times (they found this out during the surgery and also took out my appendix, cleaned up a tiny bit of endometriosis and clipped a small cyst on my other ovary). She assured me that I still have the same chances of conceiving as anyone else. I was devastated. I couldn't believe it. How could I do something with one ovary, that I could not do with two? She said that I probably wasn't ovulating most of the time, since I was pretty messed up in the lady business department.
After my surgery, they ran all sorts of tests on me. Found out I was PREdiabetic and started seeing a dietician. They saw that my liver enzymes were up (which they are not anymore because I lost 21 pounds between Feb and today). They put me on prenatals 7days post surgery. My cycle never skipped a beat. I was ovulating less than two weeks post surgery. She waited for me to heal up a bit and told me that we didn't conceive in 2 cycles, she'd put me on Clomid. She had me chart and send them to her. She was pleased with them, all the time reassuring me that "you're going to come back Pregnant! Heck, I saw her a few weeks ago and she was telling me what an awesome wedding anniversary/father's day gift being pregnant would be for hubby and I (12 year anniversary is on the 20th). I was skeptical. This was the last cycle before Clomid and I was feeling cynical.
Fast forward to the last week. Earlier in the week, (sorry, this is gross), but I had pink blood.. just really light and I really had to dig/look for it (I was looking for my period because my temps were being weird). I had pink for another day and then brown after that and then nothing. I usually have a 12-13 day LP. I was on day 14 and then 15 and my temps would be really high one day and then lower, but above coverline the next. I was perplexed. Thursday night, I bought HPT and took one before dinner. It was a faint positive. Hubby acted like it never happened. He was protecting himself. I took the other test the next morning. The line was still faint, but a tiny bit darker. Hubby was upset it wasn't darker. Called the OBGYN office and they told me to come in immediately and confirmed the BFP.
I cried at the office like a crazy person because I'm TERRIFIED of another miscarriage. When they took my blood, I got upset because that's how I found out I was miscarrying the last time. I have to get blood drawn Monday to see if the numbers increase. I'm so worried they aren't going to. They put me on 200MG of Prometrium 1x a day (by mouth in pill form) just as a precaution. We've already told everyone about the pregnancy. Hubby was too excited and I feel like if I hide the BFP, it's like I'm EXPECTING to have a miscarriage. My doctor put her arm around me and said "I know deep down in my heart that you will be fine". Mom says I'll be fine, so does hubby and everyone else, but I'm scared. I'm always checking myself for blood and every pain or twinge in my lower area freaks me out. I tell myself that statistically, most people DON'T have miscarriages and I'm in better health than I was 3 years ago and I don't have that cyst.
I am sorry for the long post, but I feel like I need to get it off my chest and talk with people who can understand or possibly talk me down off of this anxious ledge I'm on. I find myself saying "IF" we have this baby, we'll need to do ___. I keep correcting myself to say "WHEN" we have this baby. I don't want to set myself up to fail. It feels like I'm in a dream and I'll wake up, or the other shoe will drop or something.
Help?
Take a step back and be thankful for what you've been given...you're going to be a mama!
