scared of going for normal delivery after traumatic first labour and delivery

[bounceyboo]

so when I had my son I was really looking forward to being able to labour, pushing him out, dh cutting his cord the usual stuff well it happened that I was induced at 41weeks, had 2 doses of gel to induce me, threw up all day with the pain, cried all day with the pain contractions were 1 minute apart at 1cm dilated, finally let me go to the labour ward they broke my waters, so painful, baby was in distress I got a sore throat from throwing up so much, started getting a temperature, finally got epidural only for it to stop working because there was a kink in the line had to wait another hour for it to be fixed and the same thing happened, a clip was put on ds head to monitor his movements, 2 student midwifes had a look of fear and horror on their faces the whole time they were with me didn't help matters no one would tell me my baby was in trouble even though I knew he was, midwife kept leaving the room and I didn't know what was going on with my baby, they then took blood from his head to check his oxygen levels, they did this 3 times he now has a scar on his head from where they did this, I got to 4 cm told dh go away and get something to eat, only for 20 minutes later tell me im going for a csection and they would take me down if dh was there or not he hardly made it back in time I later found out from a student midwife babies died the night he was born because there wasn't enough doctors on, he wouldn't have survived labour either so C-section was the only way to get him out I was an emotional wreck b the time I left the hospital and it hit me very hard I didn't get the birth I dreamt of this time around all along ive been told c section is best babys big, but the other day at the clinic I was told hes not going to be as big and to try for a normal birth, im terrified the same thing will happen again and having a 2 year old to run around after id love a normal birth to avoid the recovery of a c section but as I said im terrified of normal labour now

I don't mean to frighten anyone but I just need to get it out because theres no one really to talk to

 

[MoonLove]

I am sorry you had such a scary time with your first. I fully understand your fears, i did not have such a traumatic labour, but i did end up with an emergency c-sec, and my midwife later told me that both me and baby would have died without having it because she 'would never have come out (her head got wedged stuck) and we 'both would have bled to death'. Urgh it was horrible to even think about.

This pregnancy, i was absolutely 100% going for an elective c-sec, but i started having nightmares regarding the recovery from my last emerg c-section and it made me start to think seriously about going VBAC.

I told my consultant at 36 weeks and he said that because labored naturally and got to 10cm last time, there's no reason i should have a c-sec this time. I told him i would attempt VBAC and when he scribbled out my C-sec notes, i got a bit breathless!

I am terrified. I am hugely excited about actually going into labour, going off to hospital, all of that, but i am so frightened. My first labour was generally fine, but nearing the end, it was obviously not going to plan with my daughter getting herself stuck, and it was so scary. I wasn't allowed to eat and i felt like i was only half conscious after 20 hours. I was relieved in the end to have a c-sec, because i KNEW i just couldn't have pushed her out, i had nothing left to give, i was so weak.

It's hard to think positively about it, but you're not alone in being frightened. I can only hope that this time round we have positive and good experiences from labour and birth. There is every chance. I do feel empowered in choosing to go VBAC, but i have to be aware that it could result in another c-sec, and it does scare me.

 

[skyesmom]

i am so sorry to hear about your traumatic experience dear.
but i also don't see it as you having a 100% natural normal labor either. you were induced at 41 weeks (in france that is merely considered term and not overdue) and it sounds like both your body and your baby weren't really ready to go with it. you were also badly managed during the induction (they let you get exhausted, failed epidurals due to bad equipment, ecc), and let alone, why on earth would anyone induce a woman on a day when there is not enough staff in the hospital to manage all the ladies giving birth??? what comes through from your post is a poorly managed patient.

every single birth and pregnancy and baby are different; so having one traumatic experience doesn't mean the second one will go the same. to me it feels that the hospital urged you into birth and didn't give your body or your baby the time to adjust and decide when it is THEIR time to birth.

i really hope that this time around you get the healing birth you dreamed of!

 

[laura109]

oh hun. that really was horrible! I really doubt it will happen again. if you can do that you can get through anything. you could always have an epidural earlier this time or try a birthing pool.

I think the midwives should not have told you about the babies dying due to not enough drs. that is discusting and should not happen and certainly should not be discussed with patients. im shocked!!

sending you all my love. you will be ok xxx

 

[bounceyboo]

thanks everyone for your kind and supporting advice, my dh is useless he doesn't talk to me about what I should do just says go for a c section then or go natural then im so stressed out lately worring about the birth ds is acting out lately and im short tempered with him at times then I feel awful for ds, because im cross with him, 95% of the time hes a really good little boy he just knows how to push my buttons,im trying to do an on line course, im tired, uncomfy, emotional,and ive to go to a wedding im dreading in april and have to face dh old sex buddy at it as shes the grooms sister and dh is best man for the groom, whos dh's best friend, at the same time dh friend wants dh to go on a stag the week after im due and he cant understand why im fighting with him, yet again tonight we had a blazing row and not talking. I found out last week from dh friend the same guy whos getting married got dh a tshirt saying one last fling before the ring knowing full well the history of a shady few weeks years ago that took years to build back up trust again with dh we spilt up over it he messed with my head the week of dh stag saying stuff about stippers etc not going to the wedding isn't an option as id go insane if dh was there with ds whos paigeboy for the guy whos getting married too dh said to me tonight if I was happy and I am with my ds and my little boy on the way, but for the first time ever I had to really think, am I happy?all we do lately is fight we only go married in November I though newly weds weren't meant to be at each others throats

 

[laura109]

Bless ya. I can relate on stress related stuff. My sister keeps telling me ill discover how horrible kids ate etc. She must think im unprepared for reality. Half my family have criticised the name we have chose. Other people just drive me insane. Because im the last one to have kids i feel alone because my best friend has a one year old and my sis has a 3 and 8 year old. They never seem excited for me. Yet i was for them

Try and forget about the wedding for now. Focus on what will help you get through the birth. Right a couple of ideas down and make it flexible. I have made a flexible birthplan and ive choose water or epidural but i have said no drowsy drugs like pethidine. I dont want gas and air but im not totally ruling it out. I dont like being or feeling sick.

When it comes to the wedding walk in there with your babies and hold your head high.

i hope you feel better after your baby is here. I understand why your snapping because im struggling now without any other kids. Im tired and uncomfy. I just want the house tidy and clean but my legs feel weak and i get breathless carrying the washing upstairs. Your little boy will soon forget and im sure once baby is here you will feel healthier and hopefully more energetic. I know im looking forward to being able to walk into town and stuff again. I want to have the energy to go about my normal life again.

If you ever need a talk feel free xx