Scared to test.... I know, I'm silly!

[TinkHarris]

Hello Ladies! Well, Today, I am 9 days late.... yup! And I'm scared to take a test. A little bit of history, I have lost 3 and one of those due to ectopic pregnancy. I lost my right tube. That was my last pregnancy in November 2007. I have not tried any fertility meds since then. My husband wanted to just pray about it. I thought he was crazy! We didnt actually start trying again until Mid 2009.

Well, now up to today. I am 9 days late. I have been late before but for the last year it has been on time every month. this month, 2 days before ovulation I noticed I was spotting light pink only when I wipe ( srry tmi). it lasted those two days only then but on the day of, everything was fine! I am having funny feelings... like hot and cold flashes, really tired, dizzy. Im 26 years old and I am worried I'm going through menopause! I dont have many other "pregnancy" symptoms and thats why it scares me. My husband just says that I am late and going to start soon. Just looking for some advice. Thanks Ladies.

 

[korink26]

OH MY GOSH TTEESTTT!!! Everything sounds so perfect for a BFP, so I think you need to get in that bathroom and POAS and then let me know.
FX'd!!

 

[TinkHarris]

Well... I knew it was gonna happen... I went to the dollar store and got two test last night. Took one last night and it was BFN.... So this morning I took the other one... BFN also! Well, I laid around a few hours and took a shower... no sooner then I got dressed, I started spotting. It got as little heavier. I just have no hope anymore.

 

[trying hard]

sorry

 

[TinkHarris]

Thanx... its okay... not your fault. I just need to give up. I know this is a very emotional time of the month but after 4 years, I have no hope.

 

[Cridge]

Tink - I'm so sorry! Why is it that as soon as we test af decides to pay her visit?! I know this is a very hard time right now, but don't give up! If you want it bad enough (which I know you do), you'll find a way to get your baby! Maybe take a little break just to de-stress, but if you put it on the back-burner too long, you might end up regretting it. All we can do sometimes is just keep moving forward.

 

[TinkHarris]

Thank You Cridge! I know that I wont stop trying. It is so hard not to think about it or not to hope. Both of my younger sisters (21 & 19) had babies this past year and it just makes it even harder. I am happy they have their boys but I have been married for 3 years ( dating him for 7), held a good job, have my own place... They live with either my mom or the boyfriends parents, no jobs ( seriously my mom said my sister dumpter dives for things to recyle!), and one should be on the Maury show because her poor boy is 3 months and has had 5 daddies since she found out she was pregnant! Horrible things always happen to me. My husband and I have decided not to try with fertility meds anymore since I had my tubal when I was on Femara. I basicly dont feel like I am trying most of the months, just hope it happens.

 

[TinkHarris]

Oh, and I have thought about adoption, but My husband has 3 children. One we get to talk to and see but the younger two, we do not get to see. My husband does not feel right adopting a child when he is not able to be a father in his own childrens life. I understand where he is coming from. So, I have not pushed the issue, same with foster care. I dont know what any other options for me would be.

 

[Cridge]

Oh Tink - I know how you feel! It seems so unfair sometimes! Were you being monitored on femara? Do you typically ovulate on your own?

Dh and I had the "hope it just happens" attitude for years, and while it was good for our sanity, it didn't help us conceive. I don't ovulate on my own though, so I can't really say we were "trying" when there was nothing for the little shooters to aim for.

Hopefully you ovulate on your own and you'll get your miracle baby! I am a firm believer that you can find a way to make it happen when you want something bad enough....whether that's a baby or something else in life. So I know you'll have good news in the end! And you're right - even when you want to give up, there's always a glimmer of hope. GL to you!!

 

[Cridge]

Oh, and I have thought about adoption, but My husband has 3 children. One we get to talk to and see but the younger two, we do not get to see. My husband does not feel right adopting a child when he is not able to be a father in his own childrens life. I understand where he is coming from. So, I have not pushed the issue, same with foster care. I dont know what any other options for me would be.

Oh wow - how hard! Does your husband have issues with you getting pregnant then? I don't see how that would be different than adopting. In fact, being a parent to a child that might otherwise be parentless is such a gift! His feelings are certainly valid, but how heart wrenching! My dh wouldn't let us do foster care either because he didn't think he could emotionally handle it, so I totally get that.

Honestly, I've come to the point where I've realized that sometimes the Lord wants to bless us with great things (like a baby), but as our "luck" may have it, we have to try harder than others. It's a way for us to grow and experience life differently. But I have figured that the key (for me) is that I actually have to WORK at it. For so long I have been hoping, wishing, praying and trying things here and there (vitamins, herbs, eating better...trying to get my body to work). I've come to the realization that I need help outside of what I can do on my own.

I'm not saying you should give fertility meds another try, because I totally understand wanting to stay away from them. BUT, I stayed away for 10 years (wew - time flies!) and I wish I hadn't for so long. So, just something to think about.

Take care and stay in touch with your body. I think you'll know what to do when the time is right.

 

[TinkHarris]

My husband would not mind having a child of his own... maybe even a serrogate mother, but I have never looked into that and how much it cost. Most of my closest friends said they couldnt even do it, even if it was for me. So I know it is a hard process.

I was going to adopt my cousin when I was 19. I had a great job and just bought my own house. She would of had her own room and I was going to work from home for a while. Before she was born, my uncles wife ran off and let someone else adopt her. I think if I had her, my husband and I would have never been together but since I didnt have children before him, he did ask me out.

I do not have a problem dating someone with kids or marrying someone with kids. I know I have to respect his feelings but I think if it came down to me being able to have a child through adoption or saving my marriage, I would choose having a child. I dont think he would make me choose but I wouldnt want to pressure him into adopting. That is a childs life and I feel that would only hurt the child mentally if he feels like that now. But at the same time, I feel like he is robbing me from becoming a mother. I dont know... Im just really confused right now I guess.
I would go to the fertility doctor again, but its not cheap. Right now, I dont have insurance and the doctor that I had seen before did not do payments. I had to pay for services that days. Sometimes they were $1100 for one visit and that was not the only visit for the month!

 

[Cridge]

Yikes - yes, infertility treatments are so expensive!

I can totally understand your confusion right now. It's very cliche, but time is a great healer and I think you will both figure it out at some point. Don't give up on your body. It sounds like you need a bit of a break, but you never know what kind of good things are ahead!