School: Public vs Private (long and full of backstory)

[FeistyMom]

So, my first baby has turned 6 and is slated to start first grade in a month.

I was raised Catholic, attended private, parochial schools from 1-12, and even went to a Jesuit university.

My husband was baptized Catholic, but did not have much in the way of religion in his youth, attended public schools exclusively, and graduated from the local state university, and got his masters through Pheonix.

We both emphasize education and believe it is our core family value.

I am currently expecting #4. Our DD1 has attended the same Montessori school since she was 4, and our DD2 joined her last year when she was only 2 1/2. DS1 is 20ish months, and attends a daycare closer to our house. Our girls' school is closer to my office.

My DH and I just cannot seem to get on the same page about the future of their education though, and tbh I am probably the reason why. I cannot ever make up my mind what I want. I currently work fulltime, and I would rather work parttime, but .... well, I want my kids to have the same private education experiences I did, and I love that they are able to go to the same school their grandfather did (he passed 2 years ago), as it gives me a connection to him. The school is NOT conveniently located to our house, but while I am working it is very easy to drop them off and pick them up. The problem is, I don't think I will be able to stay fulltime after #4 arrives in February. It will be incredibly difficult to afford their private tuition on top of the daycare expenses for TWO in daycare on just my parttime (hubby's salary takes care of all other essential bills, I am paying for school, daycare, and 'extras', like vacations, extra eating out, entertainment, etc).

The public schools in our area are some of the best in our region, and I do feel confident that the kids would be well educated regardless.

So why do I feel so strongly they should be at this school? I lived in the same house, and went to the same school my entire childhood (my mom still lives in that house). I feel like that stability helped me stay somewhat sane (I went through some pretty rocky times in college, and with my sanity!). My hubby on the other hand changed schools a couple of times, most notably halfway through highschool when his family moved across the country. Our experiences are so incredibly different.

But I feel strongly that I don't want to take DD1 out of the school she is used to and move her to a different school, even though there are a ton of pros associated with it - closer to home, free, friends closer to home (her friends are spread out across the city making playdates hard to coordinate).

It doesn't help that I *always* question my judgment on big things when pregnant. These silly hormones just make me so much more emotional it is hard to figure out when I'm actually being rational and objective and when I'm just emotional and sentimental.

Is the link to my father and the consistency enough to overcome the cost? We have to make a decision soon - I have committed to have her finish 1st grade there, but we have to figure out plans for DD2 (turning 4 soon) and DS1 - he could move to the same school as they have a toddler daycare, but its more expensive than his current daycare, and if he potty trains by 2 1/2, he could transition to the same Montessori as DD2, which is less expensive.

If I stop working entirely, can I possibly justify somehow continuing on with this private school? If I move her, will I end up feeling guilty forever over prioritizing her siblings care over her stability? If I drop to parttime (hubby thinks I would go insane if I stopped work entirely, and is probably right), will we be able to weather the financial strain it would put on us?

I really need to talk things through with hubby, but until I feel like I actually know what I'm talking about, I know it will only frustrate him, and I can't handle that emotionally right now - I'd probably just end up crying my eyes out. Especially if I try to explain about the link to my dad - which is probably just dumb sentimentality on my part, and not really a good reason to base our kids' education on. ARG!

Anyone else going through the 'public vs private' debate? What seems to be the biggest factor?

 

[seoj]

I can only give you my two cents- then you need to do what you (and OH) feel is best-- but end result, what is best for your family overall. Not JUST that particular school- or just that one particular child-- I get your points, I do, but what does it mean for everyone involved.

Personally- I'd go public (long as it was still a highly rated school). We moved during the last quarter of our oldest 7th grade year-- and to her, at the time, it was the end of her world! But, we knew it was the best decision for our family- as A) we did not like the current school she went to and B) moving farther out of town gave us the opportunity to buy a bigger and nicer home... which, benefited us all (including our oldest). And honestly, even after that first day at her new school she was happy- and just continued to get happier. She always struggled with math- another reason we didn't like that school- and it was crazy how much better she did at the new school and how they taught math in comparison. Not really the point- but- my hubby and I did what we felt was best for all of us.

If you go public- with the additional income make for better family opportunities? Like vacations or other fun activities you could then afford to do for the kids? Just maybe sit down and write out a pro/con list... then trust your gut

 

[FeistyMom]

Thank you! I think part of my current problem is that I really do NOT trust my gut. I have some good reasons - my mother was not the most stable of individuals, and while she is generally a good and kind person, it led to some pretty crummy parent-child moments, and more than a little bit of emotional baggage on my part.

So frequently, I have to listen to my gut and then do the OPPOSITE, because my gut just reinforces some of the worst behaviors that my mother similarly reinforced in me.

My gut basically says 'stick to this school no matter what because that is where you started and change is BAD'. But, I am still rational enough to realize that that argument doesn't really make a ton of sense. Your insight definitely helps

 

[CandyDay]

be sure to ask yourself if your granddad hadn't gone to that school would you still think that is the best option or is it the connection that is holding you back. You have other connections to him other then the school he went to.
Children adapt pretty quickly and having to change schools doesn't mean she has an unstable life. Yes she may not like it at first but she will make new friends.
You could try making a pro con list with your hubby and maybe seeing it on paper will help you make the right decision.

 

[seoj]

Thank you! I think part of my current problem is that I really do NOT trust my gut. I have some good reasons - my mother was not the most stable of individuals, and while she is generally a good and kind person, it led to some pretty crummy parent-child moments, and more than a little bit of emotional baggage on my part.

So frequently, I have to listen to my gut and then do the OPPOSITE, because my gut just reinforces some of the worst behaviors that my mother similarly reinforced in me.

My gut basically says 'stick to this school no matter what because that is where you started and change is BAD'. But, I am still rational enough to realize that that argument doesn't really make a ton of sense. Your insight definitely helps

Well Ok then If you take the "emotional" connection out- like mentioned above, does it still make the most sense? Again, all members of the family should be considered- and you are right to maybe listen to your head more in this situation. Best of luck hun! Just remind yourself that this one change is not necessarily a bad one- change can be really good too-

 

[SerenityNow]

I have one child in public school and one in private school. I love the private school enough to be paying for it, but I think there are a lot of advantages to public school. For one thing, in my experience at least, there are often better educated and more experienced teachers in public schools. Where we live it is very, very difficult to get a teaching job. Every teacher at my child's public school has an advanced degree. Private schools typically pay less and almost always offer fewer benefits in terms of health insurance and retirement. At my child's private school most of the teachers have less than 10 years experience. Many of them are great and they have a lot freedom to design their own curriculum-- which is a huge benefit in private schools, but they have a lot of room still for professional development. They also have much smaller classes so they don't need the same skills at classroom management that public school teachers do.

Private school tuition is a big sacrifice for the whole family. Even though we think it has been worth it to send the kids to private school for their junior high years, I think about the financial burden of it everyday.

 

[Dream.dream]

I've actually done research on this as my brother and sister (younger) attended private school and I actually attended public schools.

It really a matter of personal preference . They studied I found actually found there was no difference in children's success an achievement when you accounted for socioeconomic status and other factors . I've actually talked to people and teachers and they've said the biggest indicator on a child's success in school is the parents involvement .

Both public and private schools can have good or bad teacher , and children and programs. The best thing to do is go to multiple schools in your area private and public and take a look, compare the curriculum , the students class sizes, extra curricular activities and cost and see which has most what your looking for and which you think will be the best for for your child .

For my son we decided to do his kindergarten year at a public school to see how he does and if we feel he would benefit from more attention or dofference curriculum we've got a place reserve for next year at a private school for gifted children