Seeing a psychologist next week for our 5-year old

[happyface82]

Hi all,

I've posted many times here about my daughter, K, and our worries about her behaviour. Well, next week are seeing a psychologist and I'm nervous, though I'm praying and hoping that we will get some answers and ideas as to how to best help her.

K, now 5,5 years old has always been a little different. When she was a few months old, she would always have this super serious face when greeted by others outside our home and just look the other way. No tears, no drama. Just a blank serious face. Then at the age of 2-3 years she wouldn't play using her imagination (we see it more now as we know more). She literally spent that year reading books (not actually reading but she knew about 10 stories completely by hard and kept reading them to us) or in front of a mirror re-enacting some episodes she had watched on you tube. Other than that it was puzzles or painting. At the same time she developed a phobia of children. We could only take her to the park at quiet times. If she went to the slide and another child went begind her she would have a panic attack.
She was -and is to a lesser extend- very sensitive with noise and smell and touch. We could not walk on a busy street. She would instantly have a metldown.
We still cant put even a plaster on her - its always such a nightmare. Her teachers always have a little laugh at school when she falls and has one tiny scrath but spends the day limping as she is so sensitive.
She is now 5,5, she has been diagnosed with selective mutism (a phobia of talking to certain people at certain situations. Took her over 7 months to say 1 word at achool and took her 5 years to speak to another child... She now plays much better but even now all the scenarios when she plays with her dolls are taken from youtube videos. Still her memory is spectacular for her age and she in general is quite bright. She never had tantrums at the age of 2ish like most kids but is full of meltdowns now. She is constantly in tears, her anxiety is very high and she is very very empathic. So if her little brother is in tears she is too. She gets very upset by seeing other people being upset. She is also super sensitive. We can not discipline her almost.

Telling her off doesnt work as she takes things very harsh to the extreme. She also has a hard time with us laughing (she cries every time. She says it makes her sad) and she really does not get sarcasm. She takes everything very literally. Her communication skills though are very good as is her eye contact.
She is also very picky with her food. Likes blunt food, no sauces, no herbs in her sauces etc. and she has always had issues with food allergies and tummy issues.
We have spoken to two clinical psychologists. They both suggested getting her assessed as they feel its either social anxiety or autism so me and my husband will be seeing one of them next for an initial assesment. I was just wondering what your thought are? I trust other parents' opinions very much as we tend to research things day in and day out. Thank you for reading. Xxx

 

[alibaba24]

When you put it all down like that there are some autism flags. But then almost anything can be an autism flag. She may have anxiety which is one of the things they thought about my daughter. We have been under 6 monthly reviews and investigating possible autism in my 5 year old. Been told it's highly unlikely but its still on the back burner. Could the crying when people cry be the noise bothering her or confused about that emotion like the laughing ? My DD used to hate me singing

 

[Bex84]

I would agree it could have red flags of autism or could be social anxiety. I was never actually given label but I was a selective mute as a young child, the school and hv thought I couldn't talk which wasn't true but I needed to be in an environment felt safe. I panicked about being wrong so didn't answer questions as I was sure I was stupid. I found it hard to make friendships as I paniced I would do something wrong, if I was told off I broke down as to me it meant I wasn't good enough to love and I failed so that doing something wrong meant my parents wouldn't love me which was of course was utter rubbish. I have lovely parents who love me but I had low self esteem and was basically afraid of others. I went through panic attacks and became a people pleaser. I probably had red flags but after counciling it came down to one thing which was low self esteem. I isolated with books to be in another world. I'm fine now, I am an introvert but force myself to talk to people and do socialise how I feel comfortable. I only tell you this as I recognise what you said about daughter. I csn remember in yr 7 been told to stand up and give answer and being sick I was so nervous. It could be your daughter needs her confidence building, maybe school doing friendship group where a small group go out of class so help with social skills (we did this at a school I taught) I would allow her down time as for introvert it can be exhausting to socialise. Hope she's ok and session goes well. Your a fab mum for helping her

 

[Cattia]

My friend's daughter has selective mutism. Her older child has aspergers. She went through a full assessment for her daughter and they said that although she did have some autistic tendencies, there were not enough for an ASD diagnosis. Instead she is diagnosed with selective mutism and anxiety. My friend has bought some books to give to the teacher so that they can educate the other children about her condition and why she finds it so hard to talk to people.

 

[_jellybean_]

Have you been to the psychologist yet? I agree...sounds like it could be anxiety or maybe she's on the spectrum. I hope that they're able to figure out what's going on. She sounds like an amazing little girl!

 

[happyface82]

Thank you everyone for your comments and experiences! We saw the psychologists and talked and talked and talked… She again said that yes it could be autism or it could be extreme anxiety that is causing her to be so controlling and fragile to any changes.

She will be going into school to observe her for an hour at the beginning of November and then come straight home to us and spend some time with her so hopefully we'll get a better idea then.

Bex84 thank you for sharing. She seems to be playing nicely with friends. At school all seems perfect. She is so well behaved and played nicely. If we are at our home where is more comfortable though or our neighbours home she has meltdowns quite often as she can get very upset my her friends telling her things like: you are not my best friend any more etc which at that stage you hear quite a lot!

 

[Bex84]

I was the same, wouldent say boo to a goose at school, never in trouble, in fact even now you can tell I love a person if I feel comfortable enough to have a melt down with them lol. Hope visit goes well. My daughter gets anxious though you would never tell at school as covers it up but all the worries come out at home. I used to take comfort in familiar and don't like change and always irrationally worried people were only pretended to like me so if I wasn't perfect they wouldn't be my friend or family wouldent love me. Hope it is something you can work to help with easily

 

[noon_child]

The autistic spectrum is so wide and varied I'm not sure it makes a difference whether you get the diagnosis or not because what you need are the strategies, and these are different depending on what her specific needs are. My daughter is not on the spectrum but exhibits anxiety and shyness (and is going through limping all day at school when she hurts herself even though a few weeks ago when she was at nursery she wouldn't have even noticed - so that's a symptom of her anxiety around the new people looking after her and the new environment) it is just the extent to which these things affect your daughters ability to have a fulfilling life that mean you may need specialist techniques.

 

[happyface82]

Thank you. The only reason I am looking into this is because I think she js being miserable when she could be happy. I need help in order to help her and if I know what I'm dealing with then I will be able to find more info in how to help her. Hoping to get some answers from the assessment.

 

[OmarsMum]

I feel your pain

All what you mentioned other than imaginary play is similar to my little boy, at school he is fine, he doesn't really have friends at school but he plays along other kids. At drop off he clings to me as if it's his 1st school day although this is his 3rd year at the same school. He is too quiet at school (which is not him at home), he is the perfect student. At home it is a different story, he is loud and have mood swings, he gets irritated easily and he ends up screaming and crying.

He doesn't cope well in crowd, he is sensitive to smells, noises, etc. he doesn't even sleep well at night.

Yesterday he had a breakdown in the evening, he didn't want to do his homework, I told him it is fine it made things worse, he screamed more as he have to do it but he doesn't want to as there is no time to play afterwards and he went on in circles, then he panicked and asked me if I were angry then he started to hug me to get over his breakdown.

Whatever we do for him he doesn't seem or look happy, he asks to go for activities and external classes after school, he enjoys them, but once the class is over he starts to complain about it.

In the evening when I ask him if he's happy he says he's nuetral not happy not sad. He complains about being bored a lot although his time is full. He gets free time to do his own things but if things don't work out as he wants them to he panicks and ends up with a meltdown.

I found that envolving him in organized activities is helping in building up his confidence, when we started swimming classes it was a disaster, now he learned how to swim he is more confident at school when they have school swimming class. He was a bit clumsy physically and he lacked coordination, but after few one to one gym classes with a PT he is not scared to join in at school in the gym class.

Meditation is also helping, I also went to a sleep talk workshop, I can pm you the technique, I want to start with it tonight.

I really hope you get some answers, keep us updated xx