Seeing ex on Friday :(

[Jennifurball]

He called me before on my house phone, was weird talking to him again. It was like a different person. He sounded completely over me and I think there is someone else.

Don't know why this is upsetting me so much, I have just cried since I came off the phone. A lot of it is because I was worried he would want more access than I was happy with, or wanting to take me to court and take her off me, but also I just feel like I meant nothing. I am so annoyed I cried on the phone, he was emotionless. He wants to meet Scarlett for an hour on Friday, I just need to know how I can keep myself emotionless?

I feel so ugly too, I don't want him going back saying god she let herself go. I have put on weight and always look tired (well I do have a 7mo) but apparently he looks really well and is a new man. What was so wrong with me that he couldn't change? Now another woman is benefitting from it while I bring his child up. I just hate this, we are going to be tied now and I don't think I will ever be able to get over it.

Any tips on how to keep my cool?

 

[whatwillbe]

Good luck, hope ok on Friday, I very much doubt he's a changed man Hun, and if he's seeing someone else I really doubt he'll be treating her any better than he did you , I wonder sometimes why my fob preferred his ex over me, all sorts of questions like , is she prettier than me ? , is she a nicer person ? , now I just think he's with her because she's the easier option, she'll put up with his crap that I wouldn't have , like constantly smoking weed in the house, taking money off her, and basically treating her like dirt, I feel better when I think about it like that as for turning off ur emotions , I wish I knew how , just try and remember all the bad things about him ? For one thing he was that bad he's taken away your self esteem, you are not ugly Hun, and a bit of extra weight is understandable you lo is only 7 months, it will drop off eventually x

 

[Jennifurball]

Thanks.

I just feel he has changed as it was the drink that made him nasty, now he is off it, he is acting nice. Time will tell though. x

 

[ZombieQueen]

My husband has a new girlfriend, he's dressing nice, buying new bedding, new shoes, nice coats, taking her to movies, dinners, arcades.. Things I BEGGED him to do with me for YEARS.... All of a sudden, he meets a girl who looks loads like me, and now he's a changed man! He's pushing for the divorce when he was just saying he didn't want it..

It's infuriating. I seriously blow up whenever I hear from him, he sent me an email asking how baby was. I sent him like 6 paragraphs back about how he's an asshole, how he abandoned his child, how hurt I am.. etc etc..

but I've recently spoken to him on the phone and actually kept my cool, HE cried and I didn't Just try your best not to think about the positive changes you see or the new things he's doing or who he's seeing. Just focus your mind on your baby girl.. Try to remind yourself that showing weakness to him only makes him feel better. Makes him feel manly and macho that he's wanted or missed.. That he has power over you. Don't give him that satisfaction. I hope things go okay!

 

[Jennifurball]

Thank you.

Sorry I haven't updated sooner, it went well at first, I was chatting away about Scarlett, about what we have been up to, gave him some photos and had a few coffees. Then the subject of his family came up (the threats and trouble they caused) and I got upset, and he stuck up for them basically, then I realised he hasn't changed. He isn't fully not drinking, he said he still has a drink most nights but not like he did. Although he said he isn't seeing anyone, I don't believe him because he knows I will get upset and he probably thinks it will jeopardise his access.

He didn't look any different, so the feelings weren't there, but I got upset because of how things have turned out I think. I just want a normal home life with a nice routine, I don't want to have to be living with parents again with a baby, at the age of 30. I feel like I will never move on or improve my life.

I have to see him again tomorrow, just hoping it is more successful this time and I don't get upset. I cried just after talking to him on the phone. I don't know why I am still like this, I should be fully over him now. I guess I am just scared of him announcing he has a new gf.

 

[Danie1stbaby]

@zombiequeen I can so relate to you,I promise it sounds like me talking! my exact situation~ makes you numb and bitter.We will never know why these jerks do the things they do.I do the same thing and it's like a brick wall,remind him of how sorry his ass is.He celebrated at the escort's babyshower and even after not seeing him for months I invited him to mine and he changed his number.When I allowed him to be in the delivery room,he talked to the whore on the phone right before I pushed.His family accepted her into the family,and he show boats her.she is a actual teenage prostitute.she had a kid weeks ago and he signed the birth certificate.cut the cord smh baby looks like someone else.it's like while I was pregnant he had a whole other life.my experience of being a 1st time mom was horrific and lonely.he got his own place nd moved that escort in.never checked on me and baby.same man i fed before myself,laid in my bed when he had no where to go.he meets a freak and drug addict,got turned out and dropped us.he even text me by mistake,thinking it was her and said he loved her and her kid more and didn't care about me and my baby.meanwhile not even paying child support.SORRY FOR THE VENT BUT I FEEL YOUR PAIN AND I remind him every second of how much a deadbeat loser he is.Omg I so feel all of your pain!

See @jenniferfurball you are not alone! We all feel this anger,sadness,confusion from time to time.Sometime it's a constant pain...

I remember saying,before I had a baby,how could girls get pregnant by a loser? how could they love a loser? well look across the table at that guy that is so good to you ladies,he too could be a wolf in sheep's clothing.Sometimes we have signs and we still stay,but everything is a learning lesson.As corny as that may sound,that river of pain is leading your boat somewhere greater and I guess when we arrive to our destinations...it will be worth it.

Meanwhile,it hurts like hell and so confusing.We have these innocent babies and could have died bringing a life into the world,to be treated like crap.

@jenniferfurball be careful~ You are vulnerable right now and have a lot of emotional building to do.@zombiequeen is so right,he feels like a man when you show weaknss.I remember crying to my child's father right after I had my baby and he mimicked me and laughed,then went to his apt with the teen escort he is involved with.while I cried and my baby cried bc she felt my energy(that saying is so true).Once a loser,always a loser.I do not believe in change unless a miracle happens.If they could abandon their child,and come back..they will do it again and again.As long as you allow it~ Another thing,You have a child with him,so it will not easily pass by.Your baby is fairly young,so it hurts like hell right now.Just like I am hurting,i have a 8 month old.I feel strong as ever one day and the next not sure how I am going to make it.Eventually it gets better.I am waiting just like you for it to get better because God knows I can't stand the sight of that sorry *******.They always lead on and give us hope right when we are coping without them.Then they are back to their old ways while you are trying to heal those old wounds he cut back open.Protect your heart honey you only have one! Don't always be available either,tell him you are busy.Meet up based on your schedule not his hugs and like I tell others on this forum,majority of us are going through or been through it

 

[Jennifurball]

Sounds horrendous what you 2 have been through.

Even if I am not coping today, I will hide it. I will tell you now he looked uncomfortable when I was acting confident and chatty, in fact it wasn't even an act, I genuinely felt ok with it. It was only when we starting talking about the past that I got upset, if he talks about anything other than Scarlett today, I will stop him straight away.

 

[MommaAlexis]

Good luck!!xo

 

[wcthoma1]

You go ladies!

 

[Jennifurball]

Sorry I didn't update, here is what happened (copied and pasted from baby club)

Today was much better than the last one, I didn't get upset at all apart from very slightly when I said meeting up like we do feels wrong cos I get upset that we aren't a normal couple, he just said well everyone else thinks we are. He seemed blasé about it at first but later on in the meeting he was getting upset, saying we could have had a chance if I hadn't said bad things about his family on facebook

To be honest we got on well on the whole, no fallouts, it really was ok. We just ended up at Starbucks, was going to go to the soft play centre but it was a bit of a walk from the centre and it was so cold. I will drive there next time and it can be more of a 'baby' day instead of feeling like a bleeding date. He said he nearly put his arm around me earlier, and he touched my bum as I passed very inappropriate but it goes to show meeting in town and doing normal things isn't working.

When we first met, I dragged him into Boots and made him buy wipes and food for her, and a cute sippy cup, it is the least he can do.

In the coffee shop, a worker had a tiny skirt on, naturally we both looked, he said do you want another drink, I said go on then, you can look at the skirt for a bit longer (in a jokey way) and he said her legs are awful and not as nice as mine, lol. Was nice to get a compliment though and for me to make a joke of the situation rather than get angry like I used to.

When it was the end of the meeting and he was leaving, he looked like he was going to cry and couldn't get his words out, just hugged me really hard, kissed my head and kept looking back as he went. I think me not crying and being strong has made him realise what he is losing/lost.

He also kept moaning that his parents want to see her to give her Xmas presents and wanted to take her for a few hours, I said no, they can come to mine next week and I will go upstairs (was good to see that suggested already!) I am being good to him already, I am not letting him take the pee, she would scream the roof down if she was abruptly taken from me like that, she is bad enough when I need a wee lol.

I hope I am doing ok in this mess.

 

[AbbynChloe]

you sound like you're doing good to me!! i am so pleased you sound so much stronger xxx

 

[Jennifurball]

Today was a disaster.

Apparently his mum got stuck Christmas shopping so his brother gave him a lift here, so he was alone. Started off ok, really did, but the longer he was here the more went through my head, I was thinking back to when he stayed here when she was born etc and I got upset. I am now actually crying my eyes out.

It can't go on like this. He is really over me and it hurts, he even said I MUST be over him now, it's been 3 months. How can you get over a 5 year relationship with a baby involved in just 3 months? He can't have ever loved me.

I have told him he has to get a solicitor and go through a contact centre. I can't do this every week, it is killing me.

He is over me, it hurts.

 

[MommaAlexis]

Don't you dare feel ashamed that you're not over it. it's been a year for me and even if I'm in a new relationship it will take years to heal. My girlfriend understands that that much pain doesn't just go away. He needs to get a clue. I'm seeing my ex for the first time since I was 8weeks pregnant next week. And I'm going there guns blazing. You have thr upper hand. You are strong. rock on, lady!!

 

[Jennifurball]

Thanks.

I think it hurts more knowing he is over me, rather than the relationship be over. Normally it wouldn't matter but with a baby involved, it's worse.

 

[AbbynChloe]

i am so sorry you are feeling so hurt

i don't want to throw around massive generalisations or upset you further but maybe he said it as an act of bravado, not wanting to share true feeling or be honest??

but looking at chloe's dad, sometimes his behavious is just so cold it stuns me then i realised he is really good at compartmentalizing his feelings, he is really good and putting Chloe and I in a box and carrying on with his life.

i dunno just running my mouth really. just hope u ok xxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Jennifurball]

Thank you, hope he is putting on a front in a way, I know we aren't right for each other but it would be nice to know I actually meant something x