Seeking legal advice

[pinkbump1]

Right all I am in a hard situation where i am no longer sort out times with my ex over seeing little one. Belle is 1 on the 15th jan. I am also nearly 12 weeks pregnant by him and belle, me and baby don't need the stress. I have had it.

i have had a few threats from FOB over solicitors then he will text and say its a threat as he will see belle less etc well i've had it again about solicitors I get it every time he picks and drops belle off. Ive already told him I will find out about mediation if it makes me easier as I cant take being spoken to like crap any more.

Kev works 2pm - 10pm monday and friday and he has Belle tues and wed 9am - 12.45pm and then we alternate sat and sun every week and when he has belle 10am - 3pm.

The thing is he is saying the hours arent enough but he was having belle sat and sun 10-3 but we changed it so my family get to see her as well. Kev lives with his mum and dad so they see her alot. He suggested these hours and I agreed and now he wants to change them. I am happy with them how it is and belle is settled like that.

Kev wants belle over night but i am worried as i have to tell kev every time to lock the car door, dont leave belle with stuff around her neck, he is doing her dinner for the first time today, has only bathed her once, he hasnt got a stairgate up by the stairs even though belle has von willebrands disease (like heamophilia) there are so many issues, he never spent a whole weekend with us up until we split up over a month ago. Its only when we split up has he looked after belle on his own. She has suffered severe reflux and just growing out of it and he hasnt heard her gagging and bringing her bottle up of a night, never helped me with the nights, has only dressed her once and never put her to bed.

Would solicitors listen to my concerns or will he get 50/50 as he is on the birth certificate? I am glad he wants to spend more time with her, but I am worried over him looking after her as its only been the past month that he has looked after her and I still have to tell him about safety.

I was going to try and sort this out between me and him with times but i cant keep changing them and having the extra stress when he has threatened solicitors so many times. Would he be granted Belle one or two nights a week? just so I know roughly so I can him to get a cot etc.

I dont know what to do he wants Belle every weekend again now but I am not agreeing to it as my family only get to see her sundays due to work.

Dont know what to do - try and sort it out or let solicitors do it.

How much time does FOB get little one for when on birth certificate? I thought these times were going well

I hate all the emotional stress and dont want belle to suffer because of it x

 

[Ceejay123]

My OH was told he'd get every other weekend overnight /for the whole weekend, but not until his LO was around 3. At 1 they believed that shorter but more frequent bursts of contact were better. I.E for 3-4 hours 2-3 times a week. I don't know if this is how it is for each case, but this was in his. x

 

[pinkbump1]

Thank you hun thats a huge help. I feel like I am in a never ending battle and I cant keep trying to sort it all out. He is getting so demanding when he has hardly done anything. I want our little girl settled not it changing all the time as she is getting older.

I am going to seek legal advice after christmas, part of me thinks let him do it since he is the one not happy with it. It makes me so mad he wants me to sort it all out when we are content how we are, Im also having a high risk pregnancy and none of us need the stress.

I am going to remain strong and positive and hope after christmas it gets all sorted.

I am more leaning towards telling him to seek legal advice to be honest, I cant keep running around after him. He isnt happy with it so he can do something about it.

I am so annoyed and at my wits end he speaks to me like crap every time he drops off Belle and picks her up and I dont know how much more I can take off him. I wish I could tell him to go away until he has sorted solicitors out but i know that it isnt fair on belle but it also isnt fair him talking to me like that in front of her.

To be honest I thought that agreement that we had was a good one. I dont know how much more I am compromise to be honest I think its out of my hands now.

 

[Ceejay123]

Definitely, it'll also get worse when there's a newborn. I mean.. Does he expect to have a newborn overnight? Not happening i assume.. haha. And court would back you up 100% on that x

 

[pinkbump1]

I am really struggling with the whole situation to be honest. He is going to drop Belle off in the next half hour and I am going to politely say look if your not happy you will have to seek legal advice because me and belle are happy with how things are.

I just feel so lost I dont want to stop the contact but I cant handle the stress of it all anymore for my little family and my self.

why do they do this to us and the babies grrrrrrrrrr x

 

[Ceejay123]

Sounds like you're doing the best thing Sweetie. How did it go? x

 

[pinkbump1]

hi ya i told him if he isnt happy i am not running around trying to change something that me and belle are happy with. After all what can I go to solicitors for?? He said he will get a huge bill and I said it isnt my problem. I am thinking about belle, baby and me and we dont want any more upset or stress. he has accepted it for now but I will say the same thing to him every time. He is playing mind games anyway I think so I am going to let him be childish and get on with it xxx ta hall for help and support x

 

[Ceejay123]

Sounds brilliant, don't let him walk all over you x

 

[pinkbump1]

i wont hun, I just need to be a bit stronger and carry on and stand my ground for belle, baby and me. Ive tried to constantly agree with days and times and I am not doing it anymore. Over a month later Im still doing it and its not fair on belle. i will put my foot down every time. He kept saying its reasons for him and I said I dont care about your reasons there is an 11 month old girl in themiddle of this who dont need it, he said to me i need to think about him but i just said no I dont need to anymore. Belle, baby and me comes first and that is how it will stay.

I am not fighting over a baby she is a person not a toy, i think if all was settled then stick to it.

x

 

[Jennifurball]

Let him take you to court, you have been generous with the access he is getting, it is more than I would be happy with, they could even agree for it to stay as it is then the ex can't do a thing.

 

[Lauralily]

ive had problems with my ex lately too
we had a REALLY bad break up a few weeks back, basically told me out of the blue that he didnt want or love me anymore.

Anyways, the day after he said that (saturday) i said yeh you can have lily, i said i was fine with her staying for ONE night until sunday 6pm (which is a lot to be fair, so soon in such a bad break up and so soon for her to be away over night cos she has NEVER left me).

Anyways, sunday comes, 6pm goes.. i text him asking him where he is and he was all like "i aint bringing her back, she can come back tomorrow (monday) as that is my other day off as well... I was fuming, yeh he is her father but no one, NO ONE shouold refuse to bring a daughter back to their mother!

He wasnt having any of it and continually told me to "F off" and leave him alone.. I was hysterical at this point so i rang the police for advice, they said they couldnt go there and get her because he is on her birth certificate but i could go get her as long as i didnt cause any fights... so i went there, (asking for a cwtch seeing as i wasnt seeing her for another night) and just walked off with her to my cousins car :/).

Thats where it all started then. I had abuse off my ex, his family and HIS NEIGHBOURS! wtf like. Threats etc etc. then he started to threaten me with solicitors saying he was going for full custody, my police officer and solicitor bboth laughed at this.

But yeh, im currently going through solicitors, we went out for a chat the other night and he was fine with seeing her his 2 days off a week, 11am-7pm and ONE night a week. So we agreed on mediation. This was set for saturday coming, he would rather go to butlins than sort out seeing his daughter, so he changed it so i dont know when it will be...

What im getting to, is dont go through mediation. Go through solicitors, im gonna go back to my solicitor and tell them that my ex will not stop sending me hurtful text messages (ive changed my number 3 times). Saying how bad of a mother i am, i hve a mental illness and that i dont deserve my baby (i havent, hes just making shit up, my bet friend was fuming over this because she HAS a mental illness and she deserves her daughter, she loooks after her daughter perfectly fine on her own every day) ..

Lily choked on food the other night, i had thedecency to tell him what had happened and he turned around and said i was lying i need help with my head...

And, he is also trying to stop me from going on holiday with my baby, but what he doesnt know is that i have spoken to my solicitor and he has said i have every right to take her on holiday..

I would go throgh solicitors just incase anything happenss down the line.

SORRY FOR THE ESSAY.

 

[pinkbump1]

Thanks hun, Ive put my foot down and I have told him im not changing it anymore. Ive even asked if he wants to be here for xmas day and he has said no he will have xmas with belle boxing day - he is having her 9am - 1pm.

Every time he has belle that night she is hard work to get to bed, standing and sitting in cot crying its taken me 2 hrs yesterday to get her to sleep so I know if affecting her and I am not doing it anymore.

I have had to tell him again today to lock the car door I am not happy but I am not changing it either, i even suggested every other weekend and he wasnt happy with that so I am suggesting nothing now and leaving it how it is or he can get legal advice.

Hope your getting on ok I cant wait for xmas - its belle's first x