Self settling

[caz_hills]

Sorry ladies I've posted about this before....

I'm trying to get my little girl to self settle. When she naps or sleeps at night she needs rocking to sleep. Whilst I rock her she cries - actually she howls. If I put her down she cries, if I hold her or rock her she cries. It breaks my heart.

I asked the HV and she said to put her down and then if she cries (she always does) to sssshhh and pat her to reassure her. It's not working! I pick her up and eventually rock her to sleep. She still cries though but I think that I'd rather her cry with me holding and reassuring her than put her down.

I've created a rod for my own back by rocking her for nearly five months to sleep. What can I do?!

She is fine otherwise. I'm putting her down when her sleepy cues start. Nappy changed and fresh, well fed she is a really happy baby except for sleep time!

 

[KatO79]

I feel you caz_hills, my 4 month (+1 day today) old son is often like that as well. My health care provider advised me to do the bare minimum of rocking him in his cradle so he can soon start to learn to sleep on his own (going to talk to her more about it today). I can see the problem because it's awful to see them cry so you want to pick them up an reassure them but by picking them up and rocking them in your arms to sleep, you're also going to make it harder to teach them to sleep on their own. Maybe just start by rocking her until she's drowsy (and not to sleep) and then place her back in her cradle or whatever you're using for a little while? I know rocking them to sleep in your arms and then placing them back very often backfires (it does with my son) because they often wake up a bit during light sleep phases and when they suddenly find out they're not in your arms anymore they get confused and cry.

I look forward to reading what other suggest here and will post after I've talked to my own health care provider.

 

[caz_hills]

Thanks so much!

 

[KatO79]

No problem! So I tried asking her and she says that if baby is really upset-crying and not complaining/protest-crying (there's a difference!), then you should just put your hand on e.g. their cheek or forehead and use shushing sounds. So the same as what you've been advised. If that doesn't work, then you pick them up in your arms and tell them "I can hear that you are sad, don't worry I'm here" or something like that, do what you'd do if she's upset and put her down again when she's calmed down and try again. If they're sleeping in a cradle or something else you can rock, then you do the bare minimum of rocking, so rock as little as possible (my rocking is so subtle, you can barely see the cradle rocking which my provider said is good). She said definitely don't rock to sleep! I guess you just keep cycling between all these methods until they fall asleep.

Hope it helps a little

 

[noon_child]

I think if your LO is crying while you try to get her to sleep she is overtired by that point. Sleep cues (obvious ones anyway like eye rubbing) often mean a baby is overtired already. Could you take note of the times she starts to show sleep cues and if it is at regular intervals (for example 1.5 hrs after she woke up), try to get her to sleep before that time comes (so for this example at about 1hr 10minutes after she woke).

My LO was overtired a lot due to health issues and I feel your pain. Sometimes whatever you do it just doesn't work!

I think advice about sleep habits should change depending on how old a baby is. Yes, you don't want to set up unhealthy sleep associations (such as needing 2hrs of TV to drop off) but at under 6months old your baby's brain is still forming and she is developing her sense of who to trust in the world and how safe she is. She will not understand that her cot in a separate room from you is safe till she is older, so my personal opinion is that cuddling a very young child to sleep is not an unhealthy association, especially if the alternative is to associate sleep with feeling upset and stressed. That is just my personal opinion though and everyone feels differently and you have to weigh up how you feel about each suggestion you are given.

 

[bcos21]

Hang in there. Some babies just don't play by the "rules" lol I have 2 of them

 

[caz_hills]

I think if your LO is crying while you try to get her to sleep she is overtired by that point. Sleep cues (obvious ones anyway like eye rubbing) often mean a baby is overtired already. Could you take note of the times she starts to show sleep cues and if it is at regular intervals (for example 1.5 hrs after she woke up), try to get her to sleep before that time comes (so for this example at about 1hr 10minutes after she woke).

My LO was overtired a lot due to health issues and I feel your pain. Sometimes whatever you do it just doesn't work!

I think advice about sleep habits should change depending on how old a baby is. Yes, you don't want to set up unhealthy sleep associations (such as needing 2hrs of TV to drop off) but at under 6months old your baby's brain is still forming and she is developing her sense of who to trust in the world and how safe she is. She will not understand that her cot in a separate room from you is safe till she is older, so my personal opinion is that cuddling a very young child to sleep is not an unhealthy association, especially if the alternative is to associate sleep with feeling upset and stressed. That is just my personal opinion though and everyone feels differently and you have to weigh up how you feel about each suggestion you are given.

Thanks so much for your advice. It's about every two hours she naps and so maybe it's too long for her age? I will try tomorrow putting her to bed a bit earlier. My husband thought she might not be tired but maybe it will work if she is calm and not tired at all.

Part of me thinks she is so young it doesn't matter if I rock her but he crying is awful and I don't want to be doing this to her or me for months to come x

 

[Foxyloxy]

I agree that your baby is screaming as she is overtired. My 20 week old has a maximum 2 hour awake period, any longer than this and she screams while being rocked too. If I get to her on time she is much more relaxed and easier to settle.

I am in exactly the same place as you, trying to get her to self soothe. I have found she manages quite well for daytime naps so maybe focus on these first. It's also easier to distract yourself during the day while they grizzle.
Nights are not going so well however and I usually resort to nursing or rocking her through exhaustion or because I don't want her to wake my older daughter.

Good luck, I will be following this thread.

 

[Berri]

My first hated sleep - he still does! All that patting and shushing stuff used to just make him madder, the more steps in his pre-sleep routine the sooner he cottoned on to what was coming and started to resist! He never had the levels of crying either - it was always top end crazy!

When I resigned myself to the fact that I was going to hold him for naps it got easier (or perhaps I just didn't feel guilty about it anymore). Out of nowhere at 14mths he started napping on his own (he is quite advanced and one day simply announced he was tired and took himself to bed)! The number of parents and nurses that told me I was making a huge mistake weren't living my life and you know your baby best so whatever works for you is perfect!

Having said all of that, is there a chance she has silent reflux?

 

[caz_hills]

My first hated sleep - he still does! All that patting and shushing stuff used to just make him madder, the more steps in his pre-sleep routine the sooner he cottoned on to what was coming and started to resist! He never had the levels of crying either - it was always top end crazy!

When I resigned myself to the fact that I was going to hold him for naps it got easier (or perhaps I just didn't feel guilty about it anymore). Out of nowhere at 14mths he started napping on his own (he is quite advanced and one day simply announced he was tired and took himself to bed)! The number of parents and nurses that told me I was making a huge mistake weren't living my life and you know your baby best so whatever works for you is perfect!

Having said all of that, is there a chance she has silent reflux?

I don't think she has redux but what are the signs of it? The sssshhhing and patting doesn't nothing for her either! She looks at me like I'm mad!

 

[caz_hills]

I agree that your baby is screaming as she is overtired. My 20 week old has a maximum 2 hour awake period, any longer than this and she screams while being rocked too. If I get to her on time she is much more relaxed and easier to settle.

I am in exactly the same place as you, trying to get her to self soothe. I have found she manages quite well for daytime naps so maybe focus on these first. It's also easier to distract yourself during the day while they grizzle.
Nights are not going so well however and I usually resort to nursing or rocking her through exhaustion or because I don't want her to wake my older daughter.

Good luck, I will be following this thread.

Thanks - sorry you're in the same position but glad I'm not alone. I'm going to try today and put her down earlier than I think so before she look so tired and see if that works.