Sever Anxiety

[21yrsurvivor]

Hi everyone! I know I have made my presence on this site know with all my questions, and I apologize if I irritate anyone, and thank you to those that lend their knowledge and experience(s) to me.

This is my first pregnancy, I'm 15 weeks and this whole time has been a CONSTANT worry fest for me to the point I get severe anxiety. I have an anxiety disorder and suffer from Bipolar 1 and depression.

I constantly OVER analyze EVERYTHING. I keep thinking that I'm going to miscarry because I'm used to things going bad in my life, and hearing the stories of so many women that have miscarried, especially those poor women that have miscarried multiple times. I keep thinking that I'm 15 weeks and if it hasn't happened by now that I'm good...well I ran across a board on here (old post) and on other sites where the women miscarried at 18 weeks, and another that miscarried at 15 weeks but didn't find out till 18 weeks. It's gotten so bad with me that I am constantly looking at my Toilet paper for the slightest amount of blood, or if my urine is a bit orange I think there's blood in there. Then it comes to the point I simply think I'm seeing things (seeing the slightest amount of pink blood)

I know it's bad to stress and have anxiety while pregnant and that in itself can cause issues. I'm just one big mess. Who else is feeling the same or has with past pregnancies?

 

[Bellaloo12]

Hi hun i suffer with anxiety too and i know how hard it is to get the horrible thoughts out of your head! You need to try and stray from reading stories of people miscarrying because it will just make things a million times worse for you. I thinknonce you get to about 20/22 weeks you should start to feel the baby moving around and that will give you peace of mind as you know they are ok. I cant say anything to ease your mind because unfortunately misscariage does happen i am pregnant also and like any expectant mother i worry but when you suffer with anxiety it seems a thousand times worse. Try some relaxation breathing or maybe a hypno theropy app they are really good. Sorry i cant be of much help to you but most miscarriages are before 12 weeks so just try and stay calm i'm sure you have a healthy happy baby in there xx

 

[Kiwiberry]

I have been that way with both of my pregnancies. I have BPD, Social Phobia, Severe Anxiety and depression. It was hard especially in the first tri. I can't say I can offer any advice to help with coping other than trying to keep yourself distracted with happy fun activities that you enjoy. With my second pregnancy it was a lil easier to handle since I had already gone through it once before. Keep your head up Mama, you can do this!

 

[Amygdala]

I don't have clinical anxiety and still I think and do all the things you describe. I think it's part of pregnancy unfortunately. That's not to say that your experience isn't harder with the added weight of anxiety, bipolar 1 and depression but I think most pregnant women worry like that. And most have perfectly healthy pregnancies.
I wouldn't worry too much about the stress. Babies are born in war zones and famine and other extremely stressful situations and are fine. But for your own sake, of course it'd be a good idea to try to relax as much as you can. I second the Hypnobirthing cds, they're brilliant. I like the uk version, "natal hypnotherapy". Or try antenatal yoga?
Also, are you on medication for your anxiety etc? Are you being monitored by a psychiatrist or mental health professional with regards to your pregnancy? That's probably the single most important thing you can do for your baby's health. If you're seeing someone already, maybe ask if they can refer you to additional help with pregnancy anxiety, like CBT or mindfulness classes.
All the best to you! You've got this.

 

[SleepyBaby]

Ive had three miscarriages, the last being a blighted ovum and this pregnancy i bought a doppler as i was convinced something bad was going to happen! The first few times using it i found nothing, mainly because it was to early but from that every time i feel anxiety around baby starting to pop up i pop it on and all my worries melted, now baby kicks help and when i use doppler baby kicks lots more!

Try to stay away from stories about " illness awareness" and literally any link on facebook or other social media about pregnancy, birth and babies, they usually tell of some really scary story that had a good or bad outcome but the scary bits stay with you most!

Anything to do with miscarriage will leave a dark cloud in your mind so dont read them, try and fill your time with positives! take up a new hobby, i do crocheting so when im on my own im to busy getting annoyed at missing a stich or messing a bit up and redoing it that i dont have time to over think life in general.

You are nearlyhalf way through and every thing is going well! think positive!

 

[21yrsurvivor]

Thank you ladies from the bottom of my heart for your comments . I have been trying to find non stressful things to do but it's not easy. I want so bad to find out the gender of the baby so I can start making things. I sew, crochet, scrapbook and play games on my computer (I'm a geek). I am suppose to have an "anatomy scan" on October 19th, is that the 3D ultrasound? I will be 20 weeks then. When I went to my appointment this last Thursday I was hoping for a ultrasound to I could see the baby moving, but I didn't have one. The Doctor did check the heartbeat and she said it was a great heartbeat, and said that my uterus was right on target with the size and how far along I am. She told me where the top of the uterus was on me and it's right below the belly button. I also noticed yesterday a very faint line coming down from my belly button.

I do some mediation when I have the chance to have quiet time with no distractions, which is typically late at night when it's very quiet and I can concentrate. I have to be careful with yoga because I have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (hypermobility basically) and I get injured very easily.

 

[21yrsurvivor]

I don't have clinical anxiety and still I think and do all the things you describe. I think it's part of pregnancy unfortunately. That's not to say that your experience isn't harder with the added weight of anxiety, bipolar 1 and depression but I think most pregnant women worry like that. And most have perfectly healthy pregnancies.
I wouldn't worry too much about the stress. Babies are born in war zones and famine and other extremely stressful situations and are fine. But for your own sake, of course it'd be a good idea to try to relax as much as you can. I second the Hypnobirthing cds, they're brilliant. I like the uk version, "natal hypnotherapy". Or try antenatal yoga?
Also, are you on medication for your anxiety etc? Are you being monitored by a psychiatrist or mental health professional with regards to your pregnancy? That's probably the single most important thing you can do for your baby's health. If you're seeing someone already, maybe ask if they can refer you to additional help with pregnancy anxiety, like CBT or mindfulness classes.
All the best to you! You've got this.

Thank you for writing! I am monitored by a therapist (he prescribes me medication) and then I'm out of time (visits) for this year so I can't see a regular therapist with my health plan. You are only allowed 6 visits in a year. I do talk to the one that perceives me medicine for my bipolar,anxiety and depression, however it's like a quick check up. I am currently taking Lamictal, Buspirone and Cymbalta. Before the pregnancy I took both Atarax and Ativan (not at the same time) for my anxiety attacks, but can't take them while pregnant. I was also told I have to start being taken off Cymbalta because of fetal dependency. As soon as the baby is born I have to go right back on the medication and possibly something else. Which this I won't be able to breastfeed and I'm getting talked down by numerous women that I can't breastfeed, which hurts when I get talked down too like that.

 

[Amygdala]

Don't let anyone make you feel bad for taking that medication! It's what's best for you and your baby and that's all that counts! If you yourself felt strongly about breastfeeding (as opposed to just bowing to peer pressure), you could see if you could be on breastfeeding friendly medication instead for a while, even a week or two gives baby a nice boost. But if you can't, you can't. Yes, breastmilk is great for babies but a healthy mother is infinitely more important and they'll grow up on formula just fine. Don't let anyone talk down to you!

 

[ElsMommy26]

I am so very sorry you are dealing with anxiety - I've also suffered my entire life, both with anxiety and extreme OCD. I can also assure you that pregnancy, for some reason, exacerbates anxiety and OCD and makes the symptoms feel 10 times worse. It's like we are expected to create this life, but it also happens to be the hardest time in our lives, emotionally. I can tell you from experience that Googling things and/or going on miscarriage threads, although tempting as a way to relieve your concerns (I'll just check this out for two minutes just to ensure I'm ok!) is a very bad idea and will just serve to prolong/increase the anxiety. The truth is, there is risk with everything. Something could happen with your pregnancy, something could happen to you on your way to work, something could happen to you or your child ten years down the road - there are no guarantees in life and part of dealing with your anxiety is realizing that life does involve some risk! You just do the absolute best you can to minimize risk without letting the fear cripple or debilitate you.

You're doing great, and once you get back on all your meds, you will feel like a million bucks. I am also looking forward to returning to my meds! I am going to try and breastfeed for a bit, but we will see how that goes. When I need to go back to medication, that is the most important for me to give my children a healthy and happy mom. A stressed out mommy who can't function, even if she's producing milk, is still not as good as a healthy mom.

 

[21yrsurvivor]

Thank you girls for the outpour of support. It means the world! I have A LOT going on in my life that is causing other stressful situations. I live with my mom and dad because I can't work due to a cognitive disorder from a brain tumor and I'm on SSI for that, and now I'm waiting to see if my appeal went through and get approved (long story). My family suffers financially, my mom is the only one that can work and my dad can't work due to health reasons. My boyfriend is a long distance truck driver and is gone 2-3 weeks at a time and only gets 2 days off in between. He has missed all appointments except the very first one which was the ultrasound at 7 weeks. He wants me to schedule my appointments around his crazy schedule (which have to be either Monday's of Friday's) but sometimes his fleet manager doesn't give him those days off. He is really upset with my healthcare provider because they can't work around his schedule. I told him that it would be that way no matter where I would go and told him that I have to be seen at specific times and I have no say in it when they schedule the appointments.

Case and point, my anatomy ultrasound is set for October 19th on a Wednesday and he can't take of work and the appointment can't be changed, he started blaming my health provider for setting up appointments that don't work with his schedule. So, I thought to myself I would go to one of those 3D 4D ultrasound places while he is here this weekend and he said make the appointment for later Saturday, I tried to and instead could only get Sunday because I thought he had Sunday off, he's not sure if he will have Sunday off and he got frustrated and a bit short tempered with me. I'm ready to have a nervous breakdown.

I'm sorry for the complaining and I know there are tons more women out there in the same shoes as me and even have it worse. I am just feeling depressed over everything right now. Thank you all for reading and helping me, I deeply appreciate it all.