severe postpartum depression

[NC23]

My baby boy was born one week ago today. He is healthy and beautiful and I love him very much. When I was in the last weeks of my pregnancy I was so excited and so ready for him to be born...That being said I am completely depressed today, just one week later.

I think my depression comes from the fact that me and my boyfriend are not married and that's really scary to me. In the hospital watching him hold and bond with the baby was the most beautiful thing in the entire world to me. There was an actual moment of "I know" that I love him, the kind of love that people say you'll know when you feel. (if that makes any sense) He was so passionate about me breastfeeding because it's the BEST and he wants the BEST for his son. He was changing every diaper and constantly taking off his shirt to bond skin to skin with the baby. He was also so nice and supportive to me and kept telling me he loved me.

Today though it seems things have returned back to normal. When the baby cries he doesn't jump, he'll tell me to get it. He doesn't care who holds the baby where as in the hospital he didn't want anybody holding him. He's back to playing video games and reading his comics. We're back to our old routine with the only difference being there is a sleeping baby in the room. I guess I just expected more.

I now miss the magic of being pregnant. I miss going places with him and being his pregnant girlfriend. I miss the fun of registering at baby's r us and us imagining what having a baby would be like. I wish I could go back to that magical feeling in the hospital when the baby was just a day old and we were so in awe together.

Now I'm afraid that me and him will not last. I am afraid my baby will not have a happy family. I am afraid he is losing interest because he is not being as hands on as he was. I feel so empty and so sad. It's so silly of me to feel this way in just a matter of days but I've cried so much. I just want a happy family and the whole "what if" we don't work out is killing me slowly. This is making me feel so brain dead and anti social. I'm now afraid that feeling this way is going to be the cause of a downfall.

 

[newbie1992]

big virtual hugs!!

I know this situation can be difficult, I imagined what I would do if i got into this scenario with my other half. When I found out i was pregnant, we both decided to get married a few months before the baby was born and now the baby is here, i dont think things have died down even now she is 10m old!

My husband will still say "she seriously is the best baby, shes so clever i love her so much" even when its something like she just waved for the first time or she is now imitating a kissing noise whilst pouting.. if you are feeling that after a week he is not pulling his weight you need to tell him asap.. dont leave it any longer.. perhaps you are not suffering from pnd but more frustrated at your partner because it doesnt seem you are regretting having the baby or have any bad feeling towards the baby as u have said u love him so much, maybe its your partner who is leaving you feeling as though you need more support and help, it isnt necessarily going downhill and u will end up a single mum, it just needs addressing asap.. fingers crossed, let us know how u get on!

x

 

[justplay91]

Those feelings are normal! Your first pregnancy IS magical... I felt the same way after my son was born: like all the magic and excitement was over and now we were faced with the reality of having a real live baby home with us. I missed shopping for baby stuff, feeling kicks, my baby shower, and most of all just being able to leave the house as two adults! It's a difficult adjustment and takes awhile to feel normal again. It does, though. Then you can't believe you ever didn't have your baby in your life.
He has no excuse for stopping helping, though. He is still the dad, even when you're not in the hospital anymore! I would definitely talk to him; tell him how tired you are and that you need a break. And that he needs to do 50% of the work!