Should i give her the money?

[AutumnRose]

So my mum is unemployed and really struggling. me my brother and my mum live with her boyfriend (no rent or mortgage).
We have to give her bf £40 a week each. He is on sickness benefits and Incapacity because he has a back condition.
I just paid the phonebill which was £120 from my benefit money and now my mum needs her car insurance paid which is £220. She is asking me to pay for it and her bf says i need to help her. ( He is supposed to be sharing his benefit money with my mum but he wont because he says its only enough for him to live on).
I have about £350 savings which is for me in a few months for driving lessons and for me to better my life.
So do i slowly eat away at my savings to pay my mothers bills and give her boyfriend his £40 a week "keep".?
Or do i tell her no and make her share her boyfriends car?

 

[orange-sox]

So my mum is unemployed and really struggling. me my brother and my mum live with her boyfriend (no rent or mortgage).
We have to give her bf £40 a week each. He is on sickness benefits and Incapacity because he has a back condition.
I just paid the phonebill which was £120 from my benefit money and now my mum needs her car insurance paid which is £220. She is asking me to pay for it and her bf says i need to help her. ( He is supposed to be sharing his benefit money with my mum but he wont because he says its only enough for him to live on).
I have about £350 savings which is for me in a few months for driving lessons and for me to better my life.
So do i slowly eat away at my savings to pay my mothers bills and give her boyfriend his £40 a week "keep".?
Or do i tell her no and make her share her boyfriends car?

Simple answer.... no.

I live with my mother and I was constantly blackmailed into giving her all my money up until very recently... do not give in. Your mums boyfriend can shut his trap, he needs to help her, not you!



If you ever need a chat pop me a PM hun xxx

 

[mama2b]

NO !!!!

Its not your responsibility, they shouldn't even be asking you !

Can't she arrange to pay it by direct debit ?

 

[princess_bump]

i agree, i don't think its fair you should use your hard earned savings for your mums bills, she should be responsible x

 

[AutumnRose]

NO !!!!

Its not your responsibility, they shouldn't even be asking you !

Can't she arrange to pay it by direct debit ?

She cant afford it. He seems to think its my reponsibility because shes my mum and hes just her partner of 16 years.
Her bf has paid her final car loan payment of £350 and wants it back, the £220 for insurance will go out of his account anyway by direct debit but i have to give this to him.

 

[AutumnRose]

i agree, i don't think its fair you should use your hard earned savings for your mums bills, she should be responsible x

she only gets £20 a week to live on. He wont shared his money with her which he is supposed to do.

 

[sophxx]

no dont pay it!

its not ur responsibilty as hard as it might be to say no if u dnt say no now theyll keep asking!

can she not claim some benifits if shes no money?x

 

[CrystalBell]

Sorry I don't agree that you shouldn't help her. She's your Mum, imagine everything she has done for you, personally I would help her with however much I could afford to, be it a tenner or 200 pounds.

 

[Jem88]

Can he not get more benifits because he's with your mum? my partner was on incapacity and gettin benefits and when i quit my job, he got nearly double his benefits because we had moved in together so we claimed as a couple.

 

[xJG30]

I would but thats because me and my mum are close.. How come you pay her fella and not her?

 

[Pops]

I am incredibly close to my Mum and I know that if she ever asked me for money it would be through desperation and I would give it if I had....but I also know that she would never ask and I think that's the important part.

You are trying to better yourself and I think it is wrong that you are being put in this situation.

x

 

[Lisalovesbean]

I think you Mum needs to remember that your the child and she's the parent!

Why can't she work for her own money?

 

[AutumnRose]

I think you Mum needs to remember that your the child and she's the parent!

Why can't she work for her own money?

Shes trying desparately for a job its all she thinks and talks about.

 

[Lisalovesbean]

I think you Mum needs to remember that your the child and she's the parent!

Why can't she work for her own money?

Shes trying desparately for a job its all she thinks and talks about.

That's great, but in the meantime you should not have to financially carry her!

Her BF sounds like a real charmer....not! It sounds as though he really controls your Mum?

 

[AutumnRose]

I think you Mum needs to remember that your the child and she's the parent!

Why can't she work for her own money?

Shes trying desparately for a job its all she thinks and talks about.

That's great, but in the meantime you should not have to financially carry her!

Her BF sounds like a real charmer....not! It sounds as though he really controls your Mum?

Yep thats him... very selfish greedy person.

 

[Aria]

NO!! No no NO. It sounds like they're being irresponsible and if you keep funding their bills (the £40 a week for you to be there is fair), then you'll be enabling them and setting the expectation that you'll keep doing it.

Can you get your own place to get away from this?

 

[Chel]

NO!! No no NO. It sounds like they're being irresponsible and if you keep funding their bills (the £40 a week for you to be there is fair), then you'll be enabling them and setting the expectation that you'll keep doing it.

Can you get your own place to get away from this?

I agree with aria on the point of enabling - your not really helping by helping, you know?

I get that you're living with them, but you are paying your way - if they dont feel its fair amount, they should increase you're rent, otherwise, they shouldn't ask for more money.

Its a hard fact, but your mother and her boyfriend have to live within their means, if they cant afford it, they cant have it, its the reality we all live with, so they should to.

THAT said, my mum was desperate once, her rent was due, she was $100 behind and if she didn't pay it, she'd be out of home and I transferred her to money without hesitation. She promised to pay me back, she sent me a cheque, but I didn't want to cash it, seeing as she was having trouble with getting stable income and at the time my OH and I were both working full time... but... she never actually asked for it and its only happened once. SO.... do what you need to do.

 

[AutumnRose]

I gave her the money... she said she will pay it back every week.

 

[CrystalBell]

you've done the right thing ( in my personal opinion).

 

[Chel]

I gave her the money... she said she will pay it back every week.

Thats good and good she'll pay you back.