Should I tell my family?

[Lulabelle85]

I'm not sure whether to tell my Mum and Dad we are TTC (once we start) or whether to wait until we're actually pregnant...what are you all doing?
I kind of want to tell my mum as we have only become really close over the last few years and this is something I can share with her, but at the same time my parents are Catholic and I don't really want to be like "Hey Mum, me and OH are going to be having lots of sex!" My parents are open minded though and they know I want to have kids with my OH at some point even though we're not married (OH and I have both been married before and it's not really a priority for us right now)
What should I do?

 

[wonderstruck]

I don't plan to tell my family that I am ttc until I am actually pregnant, but I have dropped some hints to my mom just to scope out her reaction, like saying things about how I want to have a baby within the next couple years, etc. A lot of it is because I don't think she feels that I am financially ready and my bf and I haven't had the most stable relationship, although I do see us together forever I'm not sure that my family wants him to be the one who I end up starting a family with. but hey, it's my life, not theirs, and I do expect that they will be supportive once it happens.

 

[xstitcher87]

I did tell my mum but mostly because I needed some important medical history information. We haven't told my husbands parents nor my step-father. I told my sisters, but more of a "I think we'll try in the next year".

I am sort of excited to tell my in-laws because I can go on pinterest and find a really cute way to do it (once we're 12 weeks).

 

[MindUtopia]

We didn't tell anyone in our families until we were 9 weeks pregnant. Actually, I think it was a really good move because even though I'm in my 30s, we got pregnant really easily, but when I told my mum, one of the first things she said (uh, besides, "are you okay? was this planned?"...I should add I'm a 34 year old married professional woman, not a 16 year old, but that's kinda how I felt!) was how she struggled to get pregnant with me (only child) and worried that I would have fertility problems too. I think if I had heard that in advance, it would have made it all stressful, when actually it was fun and easy and a positive experience for us. Also, I wouldn't have wanted all the questions if it did take longer than a couple months. This time we don't plan to tell anyone either as I already get told how we shouldn't have more yet and we need to wait! Our daughter will be 3 this winter and we don't plan to have another before she's 3.5 and I'm nearly 36. I kinda just don't want everyone's opinions.

 

[Mrs P5515]

Lullabelle, I think this is a very personal one and depends on your relationship with your parents. I guess if I were you I'd be thinking what do you hope to achieve by telling them and how you would feel if you did and didn't get the reaction you were looking for? Children and family is really important to Catholics so I'm sure they would just be thinking of that rather than my daughter is having lots of sex lol!

For us we have shared with our parents that we are planning to TTC in December, this is mainly due to my medical issues and us going into this knowing we are going to be 'high risk' - we needed DH's family medical history and if things are difficult or don't go so well we will have their support. My best friend is also aware, our family is not local and we are very close so she will be likely to be taking me back and forth to hospital and doc appointments.

Go with what feels right for you and OH - all our situations are so different xx

 

[Lulabelle85]

I think I'm going to hold off until we're actually pregnant. I've dropped a few hints that it's something we're going to be thinking about in the next couple of years, but not mentioned when.
I think when I am pregnant though I'll want to tell them straight away, as if something went wrong, I would have their support. My Mum had a mc before she had me so she would be good to talk to if the worst happened x

 

[Mrs P5515]

Good plan Lullabelle

 

[pacificlove]

We haven't told anyone that we are TTC. I have dropped hints at my mom over the last few months that we'd like to start a family sooner then later and dad gets to hear as much as mom tells him. That's a bid of an awkward conversation with my dad, haha! "Dad, I am going to have lots of sex!" Yeah, right, which dad loves hearing that from their daughter?!

DH's mom has been asking us since we were dating, (she even asked for grand babies while I was putting on my wedding dress!). She only knows it'll be when we are ready and we have time. It's been our standard answer for her for 5+ years. She'll find out anything more when we hit 2nd trimester.
DH dad lives far enough away nor are we in any sense close to him or his wife.

Everyone will get a big announcement when we've hit 2nd trimester.

 

[Scarlett P]

We told my family we were ttc #1, partly cos I am v close to them but mainly cos we were in a long distance relationship and I was about to move to be closer to my OH - meaning a 100 mile round trip to work 5 days a week for me. My parents were concerned about my drive so I explained what our grand plan was! We didn't tell my OH's parents as they're Catholic and we were only engaged at the time, his MUm had even said things like no babies before you're married!

It was hard my family knowing to begin with as it took a while and my Mum kept asking! But when we discovered we had problems, it really helped to have their support. We also told my family about our bfp when I was only 5 weeks, partly cos they knew everything else but also because I wanted their support if things didn't work out - after trying for so long I was so scared it would end in a mc!

This time we're not telling anyone, my Mum especially keeps saying we should wait as my gorgeous daughter is rather full on! But I'm about to turn 34, and after the problems last time don't want to wait much longer!

Like with everything, there's pros and cons to whatever you do. Maybe not decide for defo now and just go with the flow and you'll know what feels right at the time

xxx

 

[Wnt2beAMom]

I wish I hadn't told my mom because it totally ruined the surprise in announcing that I was pregnant. Instead it was her nagging me all day asking if I was pregnant yet before giving in and telling her.
*our cycles were in sync so she knew when I'd be testing

 

[fairycat]

I would definitely wait to tell them. It doesn't hurt to hint, that's what we did and everyone was still shocked we got pregnant! It was fun.

 

[ButterflyX]

Wait until you are pregnant is my opinion.
That way, you can avoid the pressure of having more people (beside yourself and your partner) who are waiting for it to happen

 

[Hermione394]

Our kids and their mom know we will be TTC in January. My aunt possibly knows too, because I do see her fairly often.

My mom knows we will be TTC eventually, but doesn't have a timeline--I don't have the best relationship with her due to stuff from the past. I don't really want her on the journey of TTC, especially if it takes a while...I love her dearly, and forgive her for the past stuff...it'd just be too stressful for me.

 

[awnmyown]

I guess I'm a little weird in this one.

I told my mom that we would welcome children anytime once DH and I were married. Not exactly saying we're TTC because that would feel too much like announcing we're having sex all the time, but more like it could happen anytime, so when the announcement came, it wouldn't be as big of a surprise and they would know that we were working toward it, not a big accident.

That being said, my parents have NEVER asked for a grandbaby. Ever. Even of my sister who's been married for 5 years, not even of me and DH now that we're married. My mom actually said "If you want to wait, don't feel like you can't". when I brought up starting a family with her. I think they just want us to do what's right for us, and know the pressure to start a family can be really intense once you're married. My parents waited 5 years intentionally, and it was wonderful for them. Except they were 18 when they married, so it's a little different.

His parents are WAY MORE pushy about more grand kids, and we really skirt the idea with them. It just doesn't feel right to feed the pressure on the scenario.

Our closest friends all know, but we also all know when they are trying. It's our social support group. Many have had problems, or infertility, miscarriages, early loss of children, and it is comforting to have them and their sage advice and support in this time.

Sometimes I think there's a ton of pressure to keep it all a big secret, and then people go through extremely difficult losses all alone. Realistically, there's probably a large number of people who have been through a miscarriage, and to me, to talk to friends about it, have their support, their love, their extra care during those times, would maybe make it easier?? I feel like knowing which friends are struggling makes me a better friend for them. I can ask how they're doing. I'm more cautious about parading my own TTC around. I know when they've had a really rough week and I can do a little something extra special to love on them. I know that they have their spouse, but men don't always deal with things the way woman do, so why shouldn't we support our girlfriends too?? And I know that having my mom's or dad's support would also help in times like that. Hearing that they would love an adopted grandchild or a grandchild from IVF and purchased sperm or eggs, or never having grand children period, would make it a little easier to deal with, compared to them adding pressure without knowing our struggles.

But that's me. I feel like by just coming clean with "We're trying", folks back off and just give their support without layering on the pressure.

 

[psychochick]

My mom used to bug me all the time mostly about my biological clock, even when I was single. After I turned 25 this was kind of a big topic. It always annoyed the hell out of me because it wasn't like I wasn't trying to find the right person. It just isn't that simple nowadays.

When I was dating DH, my parents would be very straightforward with him about "where are you two going" which pissed me off but DH wasn't bothered. So when we were married and decided to start trying, DH actually told my parents, which in retrospect is probably smart of him. Since he knows this is on their mind, he made sure they knew that he was supportive and made it sound like his initiative. So naturally they liked that. And even though my mom was always very naggy, I think she understands that TTC takes a while so she has not probed at all about TTC. Sure enough if after a year there's no news, she would probably ask but it's definitely better than if she just didn't know. That's just my mother

 

[loulabell]

After seeing the not so shocked reactions of OH family when his brother and SIL announced they were pregnant after everyone knew they were trying I'm defo not telling anyone x

 

[Jaxie086]

My mom and I are really close. I didn't exactly come out and say "we're ttc!" But here is how our conversation over the phone went:
Mom: what have you guys been up to?
Me: well we had a pumpkin beer tasting with a few friends last night. But I didn't really have anything to drink, just a few sips here and there.
[silent pause for a few seconds]
Mom: why? Are you trying to lose weight?
Me: no...
Mom: are you pregnant?
Me: I'm not sure.
Mom: so you guys are trying now?!
Me: yep!
Mom: I'm so excited!!!
And that's basically how I told my mom lol

 

[Amarna]

In the past I haven't shared with anyone when we were TTC. This time around I think I'd share at least with one of my sisters that I'm really close with and maybe with my mom. I'd like to have some people irl that I could talk to about things.

 

[MrsKChicago]

I didn't really share with anybody! I didn't want the pressure. My closest friends knew that we were thinking babies soon but I think I only told one that we were actually trying, because I saw her all the time and it would be obvious if my habits changed. I think DH told a coworker so he'd have someone to talk to.

 

[stefdan]

I might not tell my parent we are trying, unless it really works out...
I don't want them to be too excited about it !!
But just my opinion, I think it should base on the relationship between your family!
It's not a bad thing to get the support from your family