Should we try for baby #2?

[marycotter567]

Hello again Have not been on here since the birth of my son 4 years ago! Babies have been on my brain for some time now but I am still not sure if I should try for a 2nd. I would like another baby but I am not in love with my husband and have had thoughts of leaving him... He's a good man but we ust don't get along/don't have that much in common so we butt heads alot. He definetly wants another kid and is in it for the long haul.

I am 32 now and my son is already 4 years old so I know time is ticking. What do you guys think? Anyone with life experience or facing similar decision that can comment, advise?

Thanks much

 

[krissie328]

That is a tough decision. Have you considered some couple's counseling? We did that this past spring/summer and it helped our relationship a lot. I was feeling very distant and angry at my husband and it helped us sort through some issues on both sides.

 

[marycotter567]

No... it's mostly my love has gone so I dont see how counseling can help with that...

 

[Scarlett P]

Do you think you could find a way to get back to where you were and fall in love with him again? I think having children defo affects relationships - you don't get the time to go on dates or spend time together and there's always boring stuff to do around the house when you're looking after kids like washing ironing etc. Often when hubby and I have finished getting stuff done, it's bedtime already! SO I think it's really easy to drift apart.

You say he does want another and is in it for the long haul so I wonder if it's worth trying to see if there's a way back. Maybe counselling, trying to schedule in some quality time the two of you. Maybe trying to find something you both like to do together.

I remember when I was preggers I felt the closest I've ever felt to my other half, the way he looked after me... but I guess that's a big risk to take. If you're feeling v hormonal when pregnant it could totally go the other way and you could feel worse about the situation. And having a newborn defo puts a massive strain on any relationship with those sleepless nights.

Does your hubby know how you feel? Sending you big hope you find a way forward, whatever you choose, being in limbo either way is horrible.

xx

 

[RoseArcana]

I agree with PP. Me and OH are not on the same page about children so we are having counselling to discuss certain aspects of our relationship to make an informed decision. We are also setting time aside to focus on each other. I can say from experience that since then our physical relationship as well as our emotional relationship has gone from strength to strength. I haven't felt like I didn't love him anymore though so that may be difficult, discussing the issues that you butt heads on may help you decide though whether that is through counselling or just with someone neutral. Don't make any rash decisions and take time out to think about what you want from life. Good luck x

 

[marycotter567]

Thanks girls. I agreed to spend some one on one time with him, go out just the two of us and I will keep an open heart and mind (I usually automatically get annoyed and ignore him or say mean things) to see if it gets better. Its hard to find time for counseling because we both work full time, I have a long commute and then the kid... but if things are still this way then maybe its time...
He actually suggested counselign to me after the birth of our first child years ago when I was ready to throw in the towel but we didnt go.

 

[krissie328]

One of the things our counselor required was weekly dates that were just us and no kids. I know how hard it is to work full time and juggle everything. That is definitely a source of tension between us.