Shout out to single parents!

[moomin_troll]

It's a nice sentiment and I don't mean to sound like a bitch but as a single parent I don't like people feeling sorry for me, which this basically is doing.
We don't need to be told about how ur not in our shoes because u have the father of ur child around, we do what we do because we HAVE to.
These threads really rub me up the wrong way

 

[daneuse27]

It's a nice sentiment and I don't mean to sound like a bitch but as a single parent I don't like people feeling sorry for me, which this basically is doing.
We don't need to be told about how ur not in our shoes because u have the father of ur child around, we do what we do because we HAVE to.
These threads really rub me up the wrong way

exactly!

 

[moomin_troll]

And don't get me started when idiots compare their partner working away to being a single parent.
My boys dad was in the army, away for weeks, months at a time. That was really hard, but totally not the same.

EDIT.. I'm clearly in a bad mood today lol

 

[daneuse27]

I think there are just a lot of misconceptions out there about being a single parent. People either seem to think that our lives are dreadfully awful and feel sorry for us, or as you say they think its comparable to having a partner who works long hours (which as you say, it isn't!)

 

[teal]

Oh I absolutely hate when people with partners who work away think they know what it's like to be a single parent. Really winds me up.

 

[moomin_troll]

I've had the extremes, a partner who's job could kill them at any point, and in my case did. Working long hours, 12 a day and then going away to being a single parent.
And yeah I can't compare at all. Doing everything alone is hard and emotionally draining. But I'm alive and my kids are happy. Help would be nice, but my kids don't care if I have help or not, I've gota be mum and most the time a miracle worker
I don't come on this section to read about how someone has their husbands at home to help, pisses me off.
Gets on my nerves when people who aren't single parents and say they couldn't do it...well how do they expect their child to get looked after?
Ile stop now before my rant gets even more out of hand.

 

[WantingABubba]

I agree teal, I find that annoying sometimes too!

OP, I know you meant no offense. One of the worst things I think about being a single parent are having people pity you. I'm actually in the closet about being a single mom in real life, because I don't want people to start judging and making assumptions about my life. I actually have a happier life than a several two parent families I know and I wouldn't change anything now. So I don't need pity from you or anyone.

I don't tell many people that I'm a single mother either. If I'm directly asked about a partner then I won't lie but I don't go out my way.
I'm glad it's not just me in the closet though xx

I know what you mean. I don't lie either but I feel extremely uncomfortable when people say "what about your husband/partner?"/make assumptions that I have a husband or partner and it's like "ummm, he left me when I was 6 weeks pregnant" and then comes the questions, the pitying looks, the awkwardness. I hate it, but I don't want to lie either.

 

[Jennifurball]

I have always been open about being alone, I have worked too damn hard raising my beautiful girl to give her dad any credit who does nothing for her.

As for the pity thing, a lot of people say they feel sorry for me (not saying this thread is coming across this way), and I used to actually play into the pity thing and feel sorry for myself but not any more. It would have to take someone pretty special to share my life with anyone again. It is reeeeeeeally hard work sometimes, even just knowing there isn't anyone to fall back on after a hard day, and with juggling motherhood with work, it can feel like I don't know who I am anymore but I am nothing but proud. xx

 

[Mummy1995]

I have always been open about being alone, I have worked too damn hard raising my beautiful girl to give her dad any credit who does nothing for her.

As for the pity thing, a lot of people say they feel sorry for me (not saying this thread is coming across this way), and I used to actually play into the pity thing and feel sorry for myself but not any more. It would have to take someone pretty special to share my life with anyone again. It is reeeeeeeally hard work sometimes, even just knowing there isn't anyone to fall back on after a hard day, and with juggling motherhood with work, it can feel like I don't know who I am anymore but I am nothing but proud. xx

This!! It took me going on a date to realise that actually I'm pretty damn happy about where I am and that I'm proud of myself and my girl for how far we've come together! I get a lot of pride knowing that she is who she is because of me and me alone. Yes the emotional side is hard as you have to make all the decision, but that also makes it easier too as no one is arguing against your decisions!
I'm honestly happy being single right now and if I could go back I wouldn't change a thing! Not even her shitty dad because she wouldn't be who she is today if he hadn't created her. I pity him now and not myself

 

[tallybee]

I've had the extremes, a partner who's job could kill them at any point, and in my case did. Working long hours, 12 a day and then going away to being a single parent.
And yeah I can't compare at all. Doing everything alone is hard and emotionally draining. But I'm alive and my kids are happy. Help would be nice, but my kids don't care if I have help or not, I've gota be mum and most the time a miracle worker
I don't come on this section to read about how someone has their husbands at home to help, pisses me off.
Gets on my nerves when people who aren't single parents and say they couldn't do it...well how do they expect their child to get looked after?
Ile stop now before my rant gets even more out of hand.

spot on with this post hun xxxxx

 

[Proserpina]

I get why the OP rubbed some people wrong ( you eternally, daneuse), but she meant well, so I'll cut her some slack.

That said, human parthenogenesis doesn't exist for a reason. It takes two to make a baby and it's in the best interest of children to be raised by two parents, and that's not just me talking. The courts have ruled on this using that rationale again and again. It's the reason the current child support system exists and can be so damn persistent--slow, but persistent--in going after deadbeat parents. The governments cannot force a man (or woman) to be a parent, to invest their time and emotions and energy into their children, but they generally can force them to invest their finances. So they do.

Now of course, there's an exception to every rule, and in this case, there are a lot of exceptions. I'm one of them. Those who have read my story know that I am exiting a bad marriage where dad has essentially been a deadbeat no-support from within the marriage. I would honestly rather take my chances as a single parent than continue to drag around his dead weight. So I hate it when people pity me as a single parent. These people don't understand that my life situation was already hard within marriage, and that in becoming a single parent, I am making it better.

Those considerations aside, let me honestly ask: who of us here would not leap at the opportunity to be in a partnership with a man (or woman) who loved us, cherished us, and was a true father/mother figure to our children? If all things were equal, and we met such a person, would we not want him/her in our lives? I know I would. I look at my kids every day and long for the day when there will be a strong step-father figure in this home who will help me raise my children. I know I'm strong and I know I can do this on my own, but I want someone else to be doing this with me, someone who treats me and my children the way we deserve to be treated.

I always told my husband that he was in my life because I wanted him there, not because I needed him there. I'm leaving him because I don't want him anymore. I feel the same way about a prospective second parent: I want one, but I don't need one. Maybe that day will come for me and maybe it won't. Only time will tell.

 

[Meezerowner]

So true Proserpina.
I want to say something clever but can't

 

[Rags]

I get why the OP rubbed some people wrong ( you eternally, daneuse), but she meant well, so I'll cut her some slack.

Those considerations aside, let me honestly ask: who of us here would not leap at the opportunity to be in a partnership with a man (or woman) who loved us, cherished us, and was a true father/mother figure to our children? If all things were equal, and we met such a person, would we not want him/her in our lives? I know I would. I look at my kids every day and long for the day when there will be a strong step-father figure in this home who will help me raise my children. I know I'm strong and I know I can do this on my own, but I want someone else to be doing this with me, someone who treats me and my children the way we deserve to be treated.

Hi Proserpina. Although I agree very much that 2 parents it indeed the ideal, as a single mum by choice I can quite honestly say that I would not bring a partner into my home and my sons life, not while he is young. I am not looking for a father for him, he has my brother as a strong, and gentle, male role model. I went into single parenthood with my eyes very much open and have no problem having a happy and very full life without the need for a man.

 

[sue_88]

Yeah, I am with you Rags. I wouldn't change my situation for the world now, not some Prince, not 'The One'.

It's Me and LO for a good few years to come and that is everything I want and need.

 

[teal]

Completely agree with Rags and Sue.

I'm very happy with life just being my son and I. I honestly don't see that changing any time soon.

 

[sue_88]

Completely agree with Rags and Sue.

I'm very happy with life just being my son and I. I honestly don't see that changing any time soon.

Hope your son had a nice birthday!!

 

[daneuse27]

I think what Prosperina's saying might be true for some (in general, people seek what they perceive to be an 'ideal' life for themselves) and there might be plenty of single moms out there who imagine they'd be happier if they were doing it with someone rather than alone. But I'm glad to see that there definitely a few who are happy with their circumstances and don't wish to change them

I've seen many marriages (many, many) that I don't envy at all and make me even happier that I'm going at it on my own for now. I'm positive that my daughter is being raised in a much happier environment than their kids are. So two parents doesn't always mean happier family. I'm sure we've all seen examples of that.

 

[sue_88]

Absolutely, there is always someone at baby group / coffee morning / swimming / on facebook bitching about what an arsehole someone is, had massive row, no help or support etc etc and I just think thank god I don't deal with that. lol

 

[teal]

Completely agree with Rags and Sue.

I'm very happy with life just being my son and I. I honestly don't see that changing any time soon.

Hope your son had a nice birthday!!

He did thanks xx I'm in denial he's 4!

 

[WantingABubba]

I get why the OP rubbed some people wrong ( you eternally, daneuse), but she meant well, so I'll cut her some slack.

That said, human parthenogenesis doesn't exist for a reason. It takes two to make a baby and it's in the best interest of children to be raised by two parents, and that's not just me talking. The courts have ruled on this using that rationale again and again. It's the reason the current child support system exists and can be so damn persistent--slow, but persistent--in going after deadbeat parents. The governments cannot force a man (or woman) to be a parent, to invest their time and emotions and energy into their children, but they generally can force them to invest their finances. So they do.

Now of course, there's an exception to every rule, and in this case, there are a lot of exceptions. I'm one of them. Those who have read my story know that I am exiting a bad marriage where dad has essentially been a deadbeat no-support from within the marriage. I would honestly rather take my chances as a single parent than continue to drag around his dead weight. So I hate it when people pity me as a single parent. These people don't understand that my life situation was already hard within marriage, and that in becoming a single parent, I am making it better.

Those considerations aside, let me honestly ask: who of us here would not leap at the opportunity to be in a partnership with a man (or woman) who loved us, cherished us, and was a true father/mother figure to our children? If all things were equal, and we met such a person, would we not want him/her in our lives? I know I would. I look at my kids every day and long for the day when there will be a strong step-father figure in this home who will help me raise my children. I know I'm strong and I know I can do this on my own, but I want someone else to be doing this with me, someone who treats me and my children the way we deserve to be treated.

I always told my husband that he was in my life because I wanted him there, not because I needed him there. I'm leaving him because I don't want him anymore. I feel the same way about a prospective second parent: I want one, but I don't need one. Maybe that day will come for me and maybe it won't. Only time will tell.

100% agree with this. Even if we weren't together, I'd MUCH prefer a co-parent and think that's best for the child.