Siblings in the foundation stage together - issues!

[Boo44]

DS1 is 4 and a half and has been in a wonderful school foundation setting for one year of nursery after his 3rd birthday, and is now in reception since September. I have to say he's doing brilliantly and is reading and writing amazingly well and is very happy and generally very level headed and 'good' (not that I think any child isn't good)

DS2 has just started at the school nursery as he was 3 just before Christmas. He will spend much longer in the nursery as he has a birthday in the early part of the school year and so will be old in his class unlike DS1 who is a summer boy. There is only 18 months between them but will eventually be 2 school years because of how their birthdays fall.

DS2 is also very adorable and cute. He is much spunkier than his big brother I have struggled more with reasoning with him and disciplining him as it has less effect. Whereas DS1 is always wanting to please, DS2 doesn't mind if he doesn't! However he's still a well behaved little boy (most of the time)

The nursery and reception are run from one big room which is sort of segregated but for large portions of the day the children mingle and can choose their own activities together or apart. I predicted this could be an issue when DS2 suddenly appeared! I'm getting stories of DS2 following DS1 around, today he threw flour at his big brother (I know him, this will have been cheeky and because it's his big brother so he's comfortable with him and thinks it's funny) but then DS1 did it back etc.


I'm feeling so stressed about it because DS1 has built himself a lovely little school life and I don't want it to be compromised by his little brother and a reputation that they may build as a twosome. It's also important to me that DS2 has his own personality and doesn't have to live in his brother's shadow - he deserves a school start like anyone else has. They're just naturally 'silly' together and no matter how much I express to them that playing is for home etc etc they don't seem to be able to translate this to school!

I also think DS1 will eventually be the follower as he has a quieter personality so I'm sure DS2 isn't the culprit for all the time together I'm sure he instigates it too. I told the teacher my concerns at the intro session and she said she'd keep an eye. It's only been less than a week so I'm probably worrying too much. But being told about the flour incident today has made me think of ways I can sort it out.

Anyone been through similar? Any advice?

 

[lau86]

I've not heard of a set up like this but I can only imagine with lots of younger children roaming around they fully expect a bit of silly behaviour. I wouldn't worry if I was you but easier said than done!

 

[catty]

This is going to me in September except they will be in the same nursery class all the time. I am a bit worried as Evie is actually ahead of Lucas despite being the younger child with toileting,speech, drawing etc so im worried he will somehow catch onto that and its his nursery so not sure how he will feel about little sister coming to play.

Anyway i was just thinking of letting the teachers know that i really want them to be making there own friendships and would prefer if they seen them always together or one following the other etc they could maybe step in a little, not anything obvious but they see each other enough at home.

The flour incident did make me chuckle a bit though, can just imagine it.
Hope the teachers keep you updated and im sure Freddie will have his own little friends soon

 

[Boo44]

Yes I think I'll have to chill out and give it at least a week or two for the settling in period to be over. Hopefully it will become boring that each other are there! I didn't realise quite how much 'free' time the reception kids get to choose their own activities until I was there for his intro session. I will just have to ask them to keep them a bit apart of it continues like this.

They're actually the third sibling set with one in reception and one nursery in jacks year! The others are boy/girl sets though and I think perhaps they're less likely to want the same friends etc?

Doesn't help that Freddie's nursery is only 6 kids at the moment as the year is small! This will increase as weeks go on and I think it's fabulous for Freddie. But obv means he has less choice of people and will choose jack every time!

 

[c1403]

Give it time I think....I've never hears of nursery and reception sharing a space but all schools are different.

I've just started both my girls at nursery together, eldest is four, youngest is two. Both September birthdays. They go together one and a half days a week, DD1 also goes another full day on her own. This year is dd1 last year before reception.

My children sound like yours, eldest is more quiet and eager to please, youngest a little rascal.
I asked at the nursery how DD2 was settling in, she never cried and went straight in no problems. They said DD1 was a little over protective and bossy around her sister....this was in November. Today, I asked and they were both fine and doing their own thing. DD2 is a little stinker but she is one of the youngest so to be expected but the novelty of going together soon wore off.

 

[Boo44]

Yes it's set up as a 'foundation stage' so although going to the nursery doesn't guarantee you a school place, it's basically an extension of the school and the nursery class all go to reception together. They move classrooms for the start of year 1.

That's good to know your girls settled and the novelty wore off. Here's hoping!!

 

[MindUtopia]

I think what you're describing sounds like sort of normal behaviour for siblings and I think is certainly an obvious problem that the school should anticipate (and I'm sure has had to deal with before) in combining two age groups in one room. Our daughter's preschool is similar in that it's ages 0-5 (pre-school though, not reception), but they are all in one room and there are lots of sibling pairs. I would just keep in communication with the teacher about how things are going, but really, if they are going to offer combined classes in one space, they are going to need to be the ones who set the boundaries between the two age groups. I doubt you are the first to have siblings in there together, so they should have a plan for how to address it if it becomes an issue. I wouldn't worry about it. Just keep talking with them. If it develops into a problem, you can work together to figure out how to address it, but I do think probably it needs to come from them. The problem, if there is one, doesn't sound like it's a matter of bad behaviour, just a matter of the awkwardness of combining a somewhat wide age range in one classroom space and they should be the one's to address that.

 

[Eleanor ace]

Our school has the same Foundation Stage set up. Last year DS was in Reception and DD1 was in nursery. We didn't have any issues; DS wanted to look after DD and involve her in all his games (when nursery and reception were together) but DD was fine with that and when she went off and played with nurser friends it didn't cause any friction. However there were several other sibling pairs in the same boat and I know that some of them had problems, either the siblings winding each other up/one refusing to let the other play near them or one was clingy with the other and it caused tears from the clingy child and acting out from the older child (in both cases it was the nursery sibling who was clingy). From chatting to the other parents it all seemed to resolve fine with the teachers intervening to redirect the siblings away from each other and to other children/activities, except in one case where the two siblings just eased into being together and played together all the time.
I'd chat to to teachers, particularly the nursery teacher and ask that they could help the boys find their own space and help redirect them away from each other a little (not in a mean, "you can't play with your brother ever!" way, just to give your older DS his space that he's used to at school and help your younger DS find his own place and friends).

 

[AngelUK]

I agree with what the others have said, this cannot be an unfamiliar set up for the school and if they are not worried about the flour incident then that is probably no big deal. Besides, Jack will soon be in big school and then they will be more separat from each other naturally. I think it is kind of nice that they have each other to start with. But I realise that I am biased in this since I have twins and would have been super upset if my boys had been separated.

 

[Boo44]

Well Friday was a good day, the teacher was super happy at the gate as DS2 had done a wee on the toilet he's completely trained but he has a potty preference or uses a training seat on the toilet, and as their toilets don't have training seats he told me he was scared to fall in (bless!) For the first days he just didn't go at all for the 3 hrs which isn't unusual for him to be fair. But she said on fri that DS1 had been a brilliant helper in encouraging his brother and everyone was really excited lol.

I've made it very clear to the boys that I don't want any more stories of them throwing things or being silly and I think they're feeling proud when they have a good day. DS1 even said "he didn't follow me around much AT ALL today mummy"

Eleanor ace I hope I don't get into the same problems as your friends, I think actually DS2 is the less clingy so hopefully it's just going to be fine x