sick and tired of MIL

[karenh24]

Is this now a regular habit for him then, the drugs? What kind of drugs are we talking about and how often?

By the sound of it he has an addiction. Clearing out all those accounts, the aggression, to be honest all of it sounds very worrying. I think he needs some serious help and the only way to do that is if he moves out, goes to rehab and gets some professional therapy and help. If you allow him to continue with the status quo he won't change.

As for his mother, I'd be telling her where to shove it. Most situations with MILs can be handled with a bit of diplomacy and tact but this one takes the biscuit. There's no way in hell I'd be putting up with her telling me to go to work when her son is busy wasting all of our money on drugs.

Do you have a good support system? You've mentioned your mum, would she and family be able to help and support you?

Thank u everyone for your advice, my mum said the same kinda things if i go to work its not going to help the situation his just going to think he can spend his money on drugs because im a back up earning money to pay the bills, im going to have a word with him about the rehab again.i try not to tell my mum too much as she's stressed out as well, she's on her own (my dad passed away 5 years ago) i have a younger brother and sister. She's very supportive tho, she went through same kinda things with my dad but they married young and my dad did step up (he neva did drugs) MIL used to totally wind me up, we used to live with them an she was nasty to me wen i was pregnant last time i blame her for losing my baby because she neva allowed me the time to look after myself for e.g. if i would eat before making everyone elses dinner she'd have a go at me, try to judge the way i was brought up because it different to how she was, my mum did her best with us my dad had multiple sclerosis my mum was a full time carer with 3 kids and trying to get herself an education so wen my dad passed away she'd have a good job (im very proud she's a nurse) MIL was brought up learning to cook and clean, my mum didnt always have time to teach me how to cook indian food but i can make basic things, sorry for the long post

 

[bunni84]

i feel for you hun and i agree - dont work as he will only use the money for himself.
your MIL knows one way of life and is obviously expecting the same for her son, and thats totally unfair, and to bully you over it is disgusting.
i can't say i know how you feel as my in laws are amazing, they dont live with us as they are abroad but they support us 100% and actually tell my hubby off if hes not stepping up to look after me! its my family who are thinking my marriage is same as my mum's - FAR different, my hubby steps up and i know he looks after me plus mine wasnt forced marriage. arranged yes but i said yes to him.

another option - i dont know if this is even possible, but perhaps move to your mum's for a while - kind of saying to hubby if he doesnt fix up then you got to make your child no.1 priority - child needs stability and you need no stress.

you're a strong lady for staying with him while hes being like this.

 

[CatherineK]

I am sorry to be blunt on here, but if your husband is still on any type of drugs, he needs to be kept far away from the baby. People when strung out are a huge danger to an infant. For your babies sake, if he is not clean he needs to be kept away. It's an issue of safety.

 

[karenh24]

i feel for you hun and i agree - dont work as he will only use the money for himself.
your MIL knows one way of life and is obviously expecting the same for her son, and thats totally unfair, and to bully you over it is disgusting.
i can't say i know how you feel as my in laws are amazing, they dont live with us as they are abroad but they support us 100% and actually tell my hubby off if hes not stepping up to look after me! its my family who are thinking my marriage is same as my mum's - FAR different, my hubby steps up and i know he looks after me plus mine wasnt forced marriage. arranged yes but i said yes to him.

another option - i dont know if this is even possible, but perhaps move to your mum's for a while - kind of saying to hubby if he doesnt fix up then you got to make your child no.1 priority - child needs stability and you need no stress.

you're a strong lady for staying with him while hes being like this.

Thanx, all i get from MIL is oh your struggling now well we told you to stay living with us and save more money but we weren't saving because we'd use any money we had just to go out an get away from them lol if tit comes down to it i could move in with my mum i just want things sorted before baby arrives and it was cocaine that he was taking

 

[bunni84]

Thanx, all i get from MIL is oh your struggling now well we told you to stay living with us and save more money but we weren't saving because we'd use any money we had just to go out an get away from them lol if tit comes down to it i could move in with my mum i just want things sorted before baby arrives and it was cocaine that he was taking

got to say you brave for staying with him
is he still using? deffo talk to him about rehab or get a family intervention done as you are preg this needs to be sorted before baby is born.
hate to be blunt but you cant stay with hubby if hes still usng and child is born. screw family loyalty - baby is your priority.
tell MIL next time her son isnt perfect, hes used all money on drugs - you got a child coming into this world soon - does she want her grandchild to be with a druggie?! you gotta be blunt with her. plus never hide things from your mum, she wants you happy hun.

 

[karenh24]

Thanx, all i get from MIL is oh your struggling now well we told you to stay living with us and save more money but we weren't saving because we'd use any money we had just to go out an get away from them lol if tit comes down to it i could move in with my mum i just want things sorted before baby arrives and it was cocaine that he was taking

got to say you brave for staying with him
is he still using? deffo talk to him about rehab or get a family intervention done as you are preg this needs to be sorted before baby is born.
hate to be blunt but you cant stay with hubby if hes still usng and child is born. screw family loyalty - baby is your priority.
tell MIL next time her son isnt perfect, hes used all money on drugs - you got a child coming into this world soon - does she want her grandchild to be with a druggie?! you gotta be blunt with her. plus never hide things from your mum, she wants you happy hun.

Yh ur totally right, as far as i know he isnt using. MIL tryed to say i shouldn't have spent so much on a pushchair i got a quinny moodd an its 1st baby so will get used again an that time i did tell her that i can spend wat i want on my baby if her son can spend money on drugs, she had nothing to say, she said it in a way that was lecturing me

 

[bunni84]

spend what you want on your baby nothing to do with her..and damn right - her son spent on drugs..you spending on your child none of her business hun.

i still not got a pram i got those baby carriers instead so i can strap baby close to me. if i need one will get one but everyone kept saying dont need one as they barely used theirs. i used websites like kiddicare and cheap clothing stores like primark to get baby things. Each to their own - your child, up to you how you do things.

i do hope you get things sorted before baby born. sit down with hubby talk to him v bluntly about all of this, and get family intervention if needed, if nothing then move out for a bit until hes clean.

your baby needs you stress free and not to be around a dad who uses or is aggressive.

 

[Evana]

hi MIL i could write a book on mine ...i have cut all ties with her for the past one year (long story )....

However your DH is on drugs ... and you have a baby on the way i would not trust my baby around anyone on drugs (this is serious )...u seriously need to take stalk of your situation his mum is encouraging him and u played a part too in encouraging him by bailing him out several times....u havent helped him in anyway by bailing him out, u just let him know in action that his mum and you will be there to bail him out if he goes over board ....u cannot depend on him....u mentioned he emptied your bank account ...u need to close any joint account .. and open one for your self only you have access too ....in this situation if you are not getting enough benefits i would also seriously consider going back to work as early as possible not to contribute toward him and his habit but only towards your self and the baby .... and of course take from him too before he spends it on his habit .

I would also consider moving out and staying with your mum for a while you cannot control him or his habit ... that needs to come from him ... rehab should be non negotiable ...but you cant force it it still needs to come from him ....i hope things work out for you before baby arrives ...

 

[rajnin]

hope I don't come a across as being harsh, I totally understand how an Indian mil can be controlling and in your face and expect you to do as she says and you to listen to everything she says. If you say what you really think then your a bad daughter in law and talk back. However if you don't say anything she will take advantage of that and keep doing it.
Firstly coccaine is a serious expensive drug, you need to tell your hubby to buck up and if he wants to play an important role on his child's life he better give up and prove he has given up. Even if that means his pay check goes into your account & you control the money so you have money!

Speak to you mil and explain to her HOW her sons habits are causing such problems, and to make her feel important as that's probably all she wants is ask her for her help to sort out her son! Ask her to help you help him get on the right track. is he the only son???
I find if you put your foot down and tell them what you want in a nice way and how you are going to do things they can't say much, times have changed and you should be able to do things your way. Respect the inlaws but better to be upfront with them. Good excuse to stay with your mum say she will look after you till your baby is here. your main aim is to get your hubby on track, mil can be sorted after. Hope it works put for you

 

[hokiemom]

Sounds like your husband needs a dose of reality and maybe some financial guidance. I do think it's annoying that your mil was giving her opinion BUT she may have a point. If things are that tight for you all right now, you both need to do what's best for your entire family and life together. If that means you have to get a job as well (even if part time) then that's what you have to do. I know it's easier for me to say that because I'm from the US where it is VERY common for moms to go back to work at 3 months. You can always pump while at work. I nursed for a over a year and I worked (although I only actually go into work 1x/week) and my baby never had a drop of formula the entire time.

Good luck with whatever decision you all make. I hope it works out and that you all can catch back up financially.

 

[Sweet Lullaby]

Sorry to hear about your MIL not being very understanding...

I do think though.. you have much much bigger problem than a meddling MIL.

Your husband! That should be your prime and biggest concern.

He has no respect for himself..you or your little one.

Time for you to be harsh with him..and his mum. I know you have concerns for standing up to an Indian MIL ..but sorry hun.. her son is doing something illegal... and that will affect you all.

 

[Wildfire81]

You have a much more serious problem to be with a (hopefully) recovering addict. It is very hard to overcome permanently, and he may give in to the drug again at any time. You almost need to be like a real mother to him. No money access, no seeing the people who enable, or encourage drug use. The question is, how invested are you? This is not a good situation for your child, nor is it fair to you.
At some point his mother needs to stop treating him like her baby boy and face up to the fact he has a serious problem. I hope it is something to overcome, as he CAN overcome his addiction, if he can get a strong will to do so, and some serious therapy. Good luck!

 

[fatandlumpy]

Karen - you need to get out. Get out now. You need to go to your Mothers and stay there for a while. His addiction and his Mother are not a healthy combination for you to bring a child into.

The pair of them need to learn lessons and they only way they will is for you to leave. I'm so sorry....

Any shame will be on them (Him and his Mother) and NOT you.

The baby must be the priority. Darling... I am so sorry. I didn't realise it was drugs.