S
Shifter
Guest
So my MIL rang tonight and as usually happens when hubby speaks to her, I ended up in tears. Let's just give this some context:
we recently moved to be near my family after living 200 miles from them for seven years. Given that we are having a baby a normal person might think this a reasonable thing to do - for a woman to want her family nearby at such a time. We had been planning this move for about a year. We waited until hubby had a job lined up and we had a house to move into. It was not impulsive or badly thought out in any way.
The house was my grandad's and my mum spent almost her whole inheritance renovating the house for us, she project managed the work herself and spent every day chasing builders et al to ensure the work was complete in time for us to move in. She is also letting us live here rent free until we manage to let our old house out. My parents are also paying for all the work we need to do to our old house and have made two trips down there to do decorating etc.
The week before we moved my dad lost his job. My parents now have no income and the chances of him finding new employment at his age and with the current financial recession are pretty dire indeed. Despite this, my parents paid our removal company and bought us several items of furniture and curtains. They have also bought us lots of things for the baby. Nothing big, but all the little things add up.
In contrast, my MIL tried to convince hubby not to move. She obviously thought it was a huge mistake and took it rather personally that we would be half an hour's car journey further away from her than we already were. (4.5 hours, rather than 4) She tried to get him to change our plans repeatedly and when it became obvious that she would not succeed she gave up but offered no moral support. She has made no effort to support our decision, she has offered no financial contribution to the cost of the move or of doing the necessary work to our old house to get it let. She has offered no time to the cause and shown no interest in visiting us in our new home.
While she has been generally supportive of the pregnancy, she has made no offer to buy us anything for the baby and has repeatedly questioned our decisions on everything from what the baby will sleep in to car seats. It has become abundantly clear that she is not going to offer any help, so as far as I'm concerned that removes her right to comment on any of the decisions. It is our money after all.
Our car is badly in need of rather expensive work. I don't feel safe in it and have little faith in its ability to get us to the hospital on the big day. Before xmas she made a vague suggestion that she might help with the repair costs, having been nagging hubby to get it fixed for the last year. He has repeatedly told her that we do not have £1000 lying around to pay for the repairs.
Tonight she made it clear that she would not be helping and criticised us for not having saved up the money to get it done. We simply have not had the money to save up. If we had we would have done.
Oh and then she asked if we wanted to go on holiday to New York with her and SIL's family in September
So tomorrow I have to ask my mum to pay for the car and car seat, and probably a crib too and it breaks my heart to have to do that when I know that my parents only have a few months rent money set aside, after which they will be homeless if our house isn't let in time.
My upset is not just about the money, it is the utter lack of any kind of support from MIL. Sorry for the long rant, but I am so upset and hubby is just this silent shell. I've been crying for two hours straight now and have no idea how we are going to cope
we recently moved to be near my family after living 200 miles from them for seven years. Given that we are having a baby a normal person might think this a reasonable thing to do - for a woman to want her family nearby at such a time. We had been planning this move for about a year. We waited until hubby had a job lined up and we had a house to move into. It was not impulsive or badly thought out in any way.
The house was my grandad's and my mum spent almost her whole inheritance renovating the house for us, she project managed the work herself and spent every day chasing builders et al to ensure the work was complete in time for us to move in. She is also letting us live here rent free until we manage to let our old house out. My parents are also paying for all the work we need to do to our old house and have made two trips down there to do decorating etc.
The week before we moved my dad lost his job. My parents now have no income and the chances of him finding new employment at his age and with the current financial recession are pretty dire indeed. Despite this, my parents paid our removal company and bought us several items of furniture and curtains. They have also bought us lots of things for the baby. Nothing big, but all the little things add up.
In contrast, my MIL tried to convince hubby not to move. She obviously thought it was a huge mistake and took it rather personally that we would be half an hour's car journey further away from her than we already were. (4.5 hours, rather than 4) She tried to get him to change our plans repeatedly and when it became obvious that she would not succeed she gave up but offered no moral support. She has made no effort to support our decision, she has offered no financial contribution to the cost of the move or of doing the necessary work to our old house to get it let. She has offered no time to the cause and shown no interest in visiting us in our new home.
While she has been generally supportive of the pregnancy, she has made no offer to buy us anything for the baby and has repeatedly questioned our decisions on everything from what the baby will sleep in to car seats. It has become abundantly clear that she is not going to offer any help, so as far as I'm concerned that removes her right to comment on any of the decisions. It is our money after all.
Our car is badly in need of rather expensive work. I don't feel safe in it and have little faith in its ability to get us to the hospital on the big day. Before xmas she made a vague suggestion that she might help with the repair costs, having been nagging hubby to get it fixed for the last year. He has repeatedly told her that we do not have £1000 lying around to pay for the repairs.
Tonight she made it clear that she would not be helping and criticised us for not having saved up the money to get it done. We simply have not had the money to save up. If we had we would have done.
Oh and then she asked if we wanted to go on holiday to New York with her and SIL's family in September
So tomorrow I have to ask my mum to pay for the car and car seat, and probably a crib too and it breaks my heart to have to do that when I know that my parents only have a few months rent money set aside, after which they will be homeless if our house isn't let in time.
My upset is not just about the money, it is the utter lack of any kind of support from MIL. Sorry for the long rant, but I am so upset and hubby is just this silent shell. I've been crying for two hours straight now and have no idea how we are going to cope
!!!
Maybe it's suddenly more real to her hun!!
