Silly men, sexist entitlement is for dumbasses

[Proserpina]

Long story short: went on a date with a guy a few weeks ago. Just breakfast before work. Very casual. Was clear that I didn't want a deep commitment, my kids (disabled 7 yo and then-7-month-old) rule my life, wanted to take things slow, not the hook-up type. He claims he's great with all of that. He says if I decide I'm not interested anymore, please tell him straight up instead of stringing him along.

He gets very clingy and emotional in his texts thereafter. Ignores an offer of a second date; doesn't text for a week. Comes back claiming "my phone was off" (lame and stupid). Is bugging me for a weekend date.

Finally I agreed to do a 2nd date this weekend and asked what he had in mind. He wants to come over to my apartment with a bottle of wine. Say what?? He's going straight from breakfast to seduction??

I nicely asked him to suggest something else, and he has no idea what to do other than coming to my place with a bottle of wine. So that's when I politely tell him that I don't think I'm interested anymore.

He flips out and calls me "f***ing crazy" and a "stupid bitch."

What the hell? Where in the hell do these loser men get the idea that a woman owes them anything just because she makes his pee-pee hard? What makes them think it's okay to get angry and lash out like that just because they get rejected by a woman they barely know? And keep in mind, this guy had ASKED me to tell him as soon as I knew I was no longer interested. I was doing him a favor, telling him straight up instead of just ignoring his calls and texts until he got the point. So where did it come from? The entitlement? That sense of "how DARE you reject me"? He was cute enough, but he was 5'8", his job wasn't that great, and he already had a kid with another woman (20% of his net income going to child support, yay!). Said something to me on the first date about his account overdrafting. So why was getting rejected by me such a big deal to him?

Best I can come up with is sexist entitlement. He thinks I owe him because he is a man and I am a woman and how dare a woman say "no" to an interested man. #YesAllWomen

Isn't dating as a single mom fun?

 

[Dezireey]

That's just dating full stop!

He sounds like he has some personal issues IMHO. His behaviour is a bit contradictory and erratic. Last thing you need anyway with kids to look after, is a man who is a bit emotional and reactive. Who knows with men sometimes? My mother always used to say to me that men are simple creatures and what you see is what you get...uh, I highly disagree. In my experience, men are devious when it suits them, confuse the hell out of a woman by telling her what ( they think) she wants to hear instead of just being honest. And they withhold emotions and can sometimes just disappear without any explanation or communication.

The weirder sex if you ask me. Complicated? No. weird . Yes!

 

[daneuse27]

There's an article a Facebook friend of mine shared a few days back, and it was precisely about what you've just brought up; the topic of men feeling entitled to women because they want them, and lack of respect or acknowledgement for a woman's feelings:

https://www.thealbatross.ca/28101/you-dont-deserve-a-woman-just-because-you-want-her-dudes

 

[lovejoy]

He got peed of because you sent mixed signals.: I was confused myself.

You said you didn't want a deep commitment, so he was thinking great, booty call.

If you thought his erratic behaviour was weird you should never have agreed to a second date in the first place.

Sounds like an idiot,but you need to be clearer about what you want. If you say no commitment, most men won't want to bother taking you to dinner,but skip straight to the bedroom.

And if it's causal why would his child, job etc bother you? Be careful with the causal thing because woman normally end up getting attached to a man after the big S.

 

[Proserpina]

He got peed of because you sent mixed signals.: I was confused myself.

You said you didn't want a deep commitment, so he was thinking great, booty call.

Except that I told him, "I'm not the hook-up type." I also told him that I was "very religious" and that my husband was the only man I'd ever been with, and then only after we'd gotten married. What about that says, "I will sleep with you on a second date"?

If you thought his erratic behaviour was weird you should never have agreed to a second date in the first place.

Probably, but I was trying to give him one last chance. Sounds like he would have flipped out just as badly had I called things off earlier. Also, I am kind of new to this, having not dated in over a decade. I'm not used to saying "no."

It didn't bother me that he had a kid; I'm more than willing to date men with kids. But for a guy to be supporting his love child isn't exactly a plus. It means his baby momma will remain in the picture and 20% of his income will always be going to someone else. For him to act like he was some kind of sweet catch and how dare I reject him was ridiculous.

 

[daneuse27]

He got peed of because you sent mixed signals.: I was confused myself.

You said you didn't want a deep commitment, so he was thinking great, booty call.

Except that I told him, "I'm not the hook-up type." I also told him that I was "very religious" and that my husband was the only man I'd ever been with, and then only after we'd gotten married. What about that says, "I will sleep with you on a second date"?

If you thought his erratic behaviour was weird you should never have agreed to a second date in the first place.

Probably, but I was trying to give him one last chance. Sounds like he would have flipped out just as badly had I called things off earlier. Also, I am kind of new to this, having not dated in over a decade. I'm not used to saying "no."

It didn't bother me that he had a kid; I'm more than willing to date men with kids. But for a guy to be supporting his love child isn't exactly a plus. It means his baby momma will remain in the picture and 20% of his income will always be going to someone else. For him to act like he was some kind of sweet catch and how dare I reject him was ridiculous.

I dont think you did anything wrong as far as the dating goes. It was a lot of information for the first date, but to each their own..

Just confused about one thing, because you said you have no problem dating a guy with kids and that the issue is that he's supporting the baby momma. Isn't that what he should be doing though? Would you rather date a man who wasn't paying child support for his kids?

 

[Proserpina]

Just confused about one thing, because you said you have no problem dating a guy with kids and that the issue is that he's supporting the baby momma. Isn't that what he should be doing though? Would you rather date a man who wasn't paying child support for his kids?

I wouldn't even date a guy who wasn't paying child support on his kids. I guess the order of preference for me is:

(1) Never had kids, but wants them or is okay with me having them
(2) Has custody of his own kids
(3) Has kids and is paying child support on them

If a guy's job is really good and he has a good relationship with his baby momma, then being a (3) really doesn't matter. But when your job isn't that great and you come in mentioning your account has overdrafted, (3) is definitely an issue.

 

[lovejoy]

So what do you mean when you say causal dating with no deep commitment? To men that sounds like you want to hang out on occasion and have sex after.

Men will date without sex, if they're looking for a serious relationship and want to get to know the girl/woman before jumping in to bed.


If you just want to go on date and get back out there o.k, but date a few guys and don't advertise too much what you're doing. It's fine dating a few men, if you're not wanting to be intimate with them.
Here's the problem, most people want one of the two things when dating, the chance of a possible relationship or a booty call, it sounds like you want neither, that's why it's confusing and some guys will say "what's the point? She doesn't want a boyfriend and if we keep hanging out I won't even get a hook up, so why waste my money!"

That guy might have some personality disorder, but sounds more likely he just got upset with you. The point about his job and kid was interesting because it shouldn't bother you as you didn't want to date him, you didn't wasn't to marry the guy so who care!Plus it's a good thing that his paying for his child, as many many men don't ( still doesn't mean his a catch).No you don't have to have sex after the second date, I wouldn't but just clearer.

Learn to say no, or you'll end up dating people you have no interest in or hanging on to rubbish men longer than you should. It's a learning experience I'm just saying be careful or you'll end up attracting the wrong type of guys.

 

[daneuse27]

So what do you mean when you say causal dating with no deep commitment? To men that sounds like you want to hang out on occasion and have sex after.

Men will date without sex, if they're looking for a serious relationship and want to get to know the girl/woman before jumping in to bed.


If you just want to go on date and get back out there o.k, but date a few guys and don't advertise too much what you're doing. It's fine dating a few men, if you're not wanting to be intimate with them.
Here's the problem, most people want one of the two things when dating, the chance of a possible relationship or a booty call, it sounds like you want neither, that's why it's confusing and some guys will say "what's the point? She doesn't want a boyfriend and if we keep hanging out I won't even get a hook up, so why waste my money!"

That guy might have some personality disorder, but sounds more likely he just got upset with you. The point about his job and kid was interesting because it shouldn't bother you as you didn't want to date him, you didn't wasn't to marry the guy so who care!Plus it's a good thing that his paying for his child, as many many men don't ( still doesn't mean his a catch).No you don't have to have sex after the second date, I wouldn't but just clearer.

Learn to say no, or you'll end up dating people you have no interest in or hanging on to rubbish men longer than you should. It's a learning experience I'm just saying be careful or you'll end up attracting the wrong type of guys.

You bring up alot of good points, I won't deny that most people want to know that its going somewhere with the person they're dating (whether that's the bedroom, or a long term relationship )

I got the feeling that OP would consider getting serious and/or sex if she found someone she did consider to be a catch (is that right prosperina?)

The only other thing I want to say is that I dont believe women always get attached after sex like you said. I think it's become a lot more acceptable and common these days for girls to play the field in dating and sex like men always have. Traditionally we were labeled as sluts or 'easy' doing this but it seems like that mentality is starting to die down and women are celebrating their sexuality and adventures. I used to do enjoy casual sex, and I've come across many women who brag about their number of hookups and enjoy no strings attached fun. This is a bit of a post hijack as I dont think its op's thing, but just wanted to bring that up. The majority of men are NOT catches, so I'm sure as hell not going to fall in love and beg him for a chance just because he put his peepee in me.

 

[lovejoy]

So what do you mean when you say causal dating with no deep commitment? To men that sounds like you want to hang out on occasion and have sex after.

Men will date without sex, if they're looking for a serious relationship and want to get to know the girl/woman before jumping in to bed.


If you just want to go on date and get back out there o.k, but date a few guys and don't advertise too much what you're doing. It's fine dating a few men, if you're not wanting to be intimate with them.
Here's the problem, most people want one of the two things when dating, the chance of a possible relationship or a booty call, it sounds like you want neither, that's why it's confusing and some guys will say "what's the point? She doesn't want a boyfriend and if we keep hanging out I won't even get a hook up, so why waste my money!"

That guy might have some personality disorder, but sounds more likely he just got upset with you. The point about his job and kid was interesting because it shouldn't bother you as you didn't want to date him, you didn't wasn't to marry the guy so who care!Plus it's a good thing that his paying for his child, as many many men don't ( still doesn't mean his a catch).No you don't have to have sex after the second date, I wouldn't but just clearer.

Learn to say no, or you'll end up dating people you have no interest in or hanging on to rubbish men longer than you should. It's a learning experience I'm just saying be careful or you'll end up attracting the wrong type of guys.

You bring up alot of good points, I won't deny that most people want to know that its going somewhere with the person they're dating (whether that's the bedroom, or a long term relationship )

I got the feeling that OP would consider getting serious and/or sex if she found someone she did consider to be a catch (is that right prosperina?)

The only other thing I want to say is that I dont believe women always get attached after sex like you said. I think it's become a lot more acceptable and common these days for girls to play the field in dating and sex like men always have. Traditionally we were labeled as sluts or 'easy' doing this but it seems like that mentality is starting to die down and women are celebrating their sexuality and adventures. I used to do enjoy casual sex, and I've come across many women who brag about their number of hookups and enjoy no strings attached fun. This is a bit of a post hijack as I dont think its op's thing, but just wanted to bring that up. The majority of men are NOT catches, so I'm sure as hell not going to fall in love and beg him for a chance just because he put his peepee in me.

Not all women do,but I've just been reading a lot of studies etc women between 20 and early 30s and why they get attached after sex and the hormones oxytocin and dopamine etc, but it's not every woman