Single and petrified, he left me..

[Kathiejane]

Hi, i have never done this before but am feeling so lost and was hoping for some advice, I am 31 weeks pregnant, my partner and I had some issues when I first found out I was pregnant, he was texting his ex very inappropriate messages, when I saw them I felt like my whole world just collapsed, we got through this and spent a couple of months being great, we were so excited about being a family, I found the texting had continued and moved back to uk from New Zealand to get support from my family, he has just completely moved on with his ex and left me, I feel so let down and my whole world seems to be lost in this unbearable pain, I don't want to feel like this when the baby comes, how do I just carry on?

 

[Dezireey]

Oh I am so sorry sweetheart. It's so heartbreaking when you love someone and they get with someone else quickly and move on, doubly hurtful when you are carrying their baby. It is exceptionally hard to just 'move on' ( as people used to tell me, and my ex used to say it to me!) when this happens. The only true thing that will heal this pain is time. We cannot make someone do something, no matter how bad their actions are, when they don't want to. Firstly, accept that you feel really bad and just indulge, eg cry a bit, eat ice cream, listen to music, slob out for a week or two and then pick yourself up and concentrate on this baby and the delivery.

Giving birth is a special, special time in a woman's life and it's crap when the father is not there to support you. However, he has not earned the right to be there and he certainly has not earned the right to keep upsetting you now he has gone. Try really hard to enjoy this baby as he/ she will take away this hurt and it only gets better as time goes by.

I was like you, so so hurt and devastated with my ex. He is now playing happy families with another woman and letting her kids call him 'Dad' despite telling me he couldn't cope with kids and he lied about why he had to leave me. He was just a coward and I am glad he is not in our life as he is unreliable and extremely selfish. I still have bad days when I think of him but that's more to do with not having another partner since rather than missing 'him'. You may feel like this, just brush it off as just missing male company.

He is obviously a cheater and I am sure his ex will experience this infidelity herself as he is sneaky isn't he and they broke up for a reason once before.

Be strong, seek any help you can from friends, family etc. you WILL cope and get through all this, it just takes lots of time, don't be too hard on yourself.

Hugs xx

 

[kealz]

Oh no, so sorry to hear this! Your head must be all over the place. It sounds like you've made the right choice to come back to the UK for family support and hope you're finding some comfort in that. Time is a healer, as they say, although it must feel so raw right now. I totally understand that your heart must be full of hurt but this baby will fill your heart full of love again from that moment you first cradle that little bundle and they will have nothing but love for you too. Sending big hugs to you hun! I would also make sure you discuss this with you midwife when you see her next and don't be afraid to be honest with her about how you are feeling. xxx

 

[daneuse27]

So sorry that you are going through this.

All I can say is that one day you will look back and be glad that your rid yourself of him. His ex isn't fortunate at all to have him - a man who leaves his pregnant partner right before the baby is born. A man like that is selfish, unreliable and will do the same to whoever he is with. So just remember not to blame yourself for any of this, because it is all a reflection of him. And you deserve so much better!

Enjoy your last child free days, and cuddle your precious newborn lots when he/she is here There will be tough times up ahead, but remember that they grow very fast - so cherish each moment. Send me a pm if you ever need to talk.

 

[slg76]

I'm so sorry! I can't imagine how you must feel. I don't think its fair to expect yourself to be ok and happy right now. It's ok to be sad and scared, anybody in your shoes would be. Just be sure to look through all that and, at least some of the time, enjoy the end of your pregnancy and getting to know your new baby. Don't let your ex take that from you. People often tell me that they could never be as strong as I have been in life. (I had cancer while pregnant). I know they could be. We all can be as strong as we need to be to overcome what is put in front of us. This is especially true when a baby needs you. I wish neither you nor I had to be this strong, but we do, so we will. You can do this! I'm happy to hear that you have family support. I hope you find peace in this situation and someday meet a man that will treat you so much better.

 

[Derby baby]

Im so sorry to read this.
The same thing happened to me when I was just 19. I raised my son alone an every day I look at him and think I did that I raised an amazing man.
I understand that every day will be different, you will have good and bad days but look down at your baby and know that you are the Lucky one and you get to raise him/her and he misses out.
In 19years, like me, look back with pride.
I do know it will be hard.
Take care and message me if you need to

 

[Kathiejane]

Thank you all so much for your kind words, I'm sure in the years yo come I will look back with thanks that he is not in our lives, I hope so anyway, I keep saying to myself he doesn't deserve us, Thank you for giving me strength xxx

 

[CanadianMaple]

I'm so sorry. My son (6 years old) has a bio father that left us when he was 7 months old, just before his first Christmas... He stayed in contact for a bit and I ended up taking him to court to get custody issues sorted out. He did a bit of the visitation and then moved west and I haven't heard from him in a few years.

To be honest, I am kind of glad I don't have to share my son with an idiot. I met the most wonderful man who was in the process of adopting him when he passed away unexpectedly. Even though my time with my husband was short, he gave my son so much more than his biofather could ever give him.

One piece of advice is to make sure you give your baby your last name. I made the mistake of giving my son his last name and it's my biggest regret I have ever had.

Good luck. You can do this and you and your child are going to be so close.