Single Expecting. Long story

[flossie282]

Hi everyone,

I am new to all of this forum stuff but I wanted to give it a go as I need to vent out a bit.
starting from the beginning
I am 21 years old, quite young yes myself and my ex partner the baby's dad were together for a year dead on when I found out I was pregnant no the pregnancy wasn't planned and precautions were taken at the time of conception. My partner of a year who I would say was my first love left me a couple weeks after I found out I was pregnant. since then after numerous chances and tears the story still stands the same I am 18 weeks from yesterday, I found out I was pregnant 3-4 weeks gone. My ex partner we will call him Blue cheated on me throughout our year relationship with a few girls which I found out when we split up typical.
Since then he has become very persistent to hurt me in ways of verbally and one time physically which was a week after I found out I was pregnant he pushed me into a door. I have wanted him time and time again to be involved in his babys life.
on December 27th 2014 I thought my world ended it was midnight and I had my friend Luke stay over at my flat I owned at the time with me I felt very crampy and started to feel wet below, I rushed to the loo and my whole body shook and was very painful in a way I cant imagine to explain I felt something drop literally from the middle of my tummy down and out into the loo below, I looked and I saw what looked like a big ball of chewing gum slimy chewing gum with a tail coming out of it and a lot a lot of blood. my friend called my ex partner at the time to get him to come and help me as I was hysterical, his excuse " ive had a drink cant get down" he lived 40 mins away from me. My friend then went on to call the ambulance and a group of paramedics came and saw me they confirmed a miscarriage and contacting the EPU for me to come in to have a scan and stop the bleeding this was on a sunday night, I had a needle put into my arm to pump painkillers into and then the phone rang it was the midwife at the EPU stating because I was only 12 weeks that day they would not be able to do anything and that I would have to go in on the following Tuesday when the sonographer would be in to have a scan. They then left me with a few painkillers and a broken heart, my friend then went onto contact my ex partner and surprise surprise he fell back asleep. He was contacted in the morning by me and all he answered was what am I meant to do there? what can I do to help?. HE said he would come see me that night after he went out to his friends. 8 9 10 pm passed and no sign at that point I felt I lost everything and im not afraid to say I gave up and reached and took my sleeping medication 18 in total plus 10 paracetemol I sent Blue a text saying
" after everything you've put me through a simple hug and a shoulder to cry on from the person who I needed the most was too much for you to do, ive not got the strength in me to carry on anymore im sorry" and I sent the text
I don't remember what really happened until I was being shaken awake by him I then went onto throw up a lot of tablets and I began shaking uncontrollably he phoned an ambulance and put me into it and left me he went home.
I was safe but I was diagnosed with a HEart Murmur which had gone undetected all my life. The next day It was Tuesday the day of my scan that would confirm the baby had passed away. he drove me to it came into the hospital held my hand and we waited and waited. the midwife smiled and said heres baby my mouth dropped and I bawled my eyes out thinking I could of hurt my unborn baby. A lot of question went through my head until the midwife confirmed I must of been carrying twins. Blue took me home and said to me " I don't want it I never did get rid of it" and has stuck to that story every since. I moved back into my mums house and he sometimes comes and picks me up we go shopping for baby bits then hes back to the " I don't want It " " get rid of it " hes been to all the scans and he hates my baby.
at 21 years old ive been through a lot of stress already in my pregnancy and my life from being abused verbally physically to then being treated like I am an outsider by the person that I fell in love with.
as im sitting here typing this essay which some of you might not have even made it to the end im alone depressed and im desperate need of someone to confide in and for someone to give me advice. I love my baby I really do but I do love my ex partner how stupid does that sound

Thank you guys for reading

 

[Meezerowner]

sorry you are going through this. Sorry for your loss but congratulations on your pregnancy too. Your head must be all over the place.

Your ex is a complete idiot (polite word) but I totally get why you still are hoping it will work out.

I have been in a similar situation with no emotional support from ex who left shortly after finding out we were pregnant. It is unbelievably hard. I stopped eating and lost 7kg whilst pregnant.

I dont know where you are but in the UK you would be entitled to help and support from a specialist midwife who can give you extra help and emotional support because of your situation. Particularly if you are at risk of harming yourself. Please seek help if you have those feelings again.

Your ex sounds like a waste of space though and he was cheating on you before hand too. Try not to hope for a reunion and be thankful that you have got rid of him.... he prob wont change. If he cant even be there for you when you are miscarrying he isn't gonna come up to the mark later either.

Have you got friends and family to turn to?

 

[flossie282]

Thanks for replying,

yes he is a complete idiot (politely worded), I do have my mum but the thing with my mum is like all mothers she will advise me to stop bothering get rid focus on the baby, which I do but in a sense its hard to concentrate on the baby how awful it does sound, its trying to learn to let go which is the hardest part as I don't know even where to start. If I get into arguments with my parents which right now seems to be a lot he was always my support wall because he was the only one I could call or go to. I don't understand how one man could affect me so much. how did you get through it? its having the strength to tell him to get lost ( another polite word) xx

 

[Meezerowner]

That's good that your mum is supporting you and she sounds like she is right about the ex (get rid!).

I totally get it. I was defending my ex till I was blue in the face and everyone said he was a wrong-un. I couldnt see it till I was out of the situation.

It takes time to let go. Cos you are mourning the loss of the relationship even if it was a rubbish one. You hope the ex will change their mind get on board with everything.

There is no easy way to get through it. Time and tears for me Im afraid! But the most important thing I found was seeking help from others in the end. My mum helped me soooo much I could not have done it without her support.

You'll be amazed what you can get through even though it seems hard now.

I couldn't focus on the pregnancy either I was just a mess. I had nothing bought. But afterwards everything changes.

 

[violetta21]

Sorry to hear this