Single mum of now 5 and another failed relationship

[Oldermummy78]

Sorry for the following vent

Hi I'm a single mum to 5 , had my youngest few weeks ago , I am struggling while the ex thinks he can swan in and out whenever he fancy a, he's, not paying a penny towards his children while he has treated himself to everything I ever asked for in the marital home, yes that's right he stayed in the big house while I was homeless for 3 months with my 4kids and pregnant last year!
He's treated himself to a new car, sofa carpets tvs , clothes expensive sunglasses...
I am bitter, I admit it I don't want to be but I am, and I am putting weight on because I'm fed up, I'm older tHan him as it is , so his family are probably happy about it as I already had kids previous to him, so clearly not ideal for there son in there eyes

Anyway the latter I can handle , I'm just bitter he's having life so easy while I am struggling and stuck in with barely a penny spare to my name in a crappy rented house where I don't even have my own bedroom

My 4year old wants to be with daddy permanently because he gets his full attention and spoiled and left to do what he wants when he's there, because let's face it, it's easier for his dad to do that.
So tonight with him playing up all the time pretty much, today being a particularly bad day I said to my son want to go live with your dad and he said yes, I don't know what made me say it i was upset and peeved at my little boys attitude along with fact im being alone with 5 depending on me, and a new baby in the house on my own , and I lost my rag said that and he shot me down, now do I let him go and stay with daddy for a week and hope he misses us or not? His dad may not have him yet as he's not the most reliable person, but what if he stays and actually doesn't want to come back home ?

I feel at a loss right now , damned if I do damned if I don't

Just feel like a failure to my children, the only ones that keep me going, and I'm letting them all down, any helpful advice appreciated

 

[tankel]

Sorry to hear that you are struggling. I don't have any (good) advice; but I wanted you to know that I'm hoping the best for you and your children.

 

[SoBlessedMama]

I am so, so sorry you're dealing with all of this. I don't have any real advice, but I wanted to offer up hugs, and tell you of course you're not failing your children. You obviously love your kiddos very much, and do your best to provide for them. Everyone loses their cool now and then and says things we don't mean. Don't beat yourself up too bad for that.

Also, I am sure that really stung for your little guy to say that--but of course he didn't mean it. Little guys need their mamas, and they need structure--they don't need to be handed everything that they want, like your ex seems to do for him. As far as a visit goes, follow your heart on whether it is a good, safe environment for your son. And then at the end of the visit, bring him home because you know what's best for him, no matter how fun the free-for-all at daddy's house may seem.

Big hugs, mama. You've got a hard job, and you're holding up and doing it well!

 

[tankel]

Very good advice.

 

[Beanonorder]

Are you not receiving maintenance from any of your kids father's?
I would at the very least get legal help with regards to your recent ex and paying for towards your new baby. I'm sure there is a story as to why he stayed in the house and not you but you still have rights. We're you married? If he's stayed there then he should be providing something financially towards a place for you and his child. Don't rill over and just take it.

As for your 4 year old, I agree go with your heart. I can imagine how much it hurt when he said he wanted to go to his dad. One day, he will realise that you did all the hard work and that you are the reliable one!

 

[Oldermummy78]

Thank you girls for the advice

I went because more happened in that house and I can't go back to it, he cheated on there and asked someone else to move in within 4 weeks and I can't cope with that, even though now he is all over me trying to get back what he once had ..
No maintenance he's got no job xx

 

[Tropiclands]

Well this guy unfortunately sounds like he just wants to make the kids feel good but not stick around for the long term. I'm sorry that you're having to deal with yhis. How are the kids handling the situation?