Single mums shouldn't be dating.

[lovejoy]

Is it just me or has anyone else experience a negative stigma with single mum that date.

I have two little ones 2 and a half and 10 months, I'm 29 ish and a half lol. Their dad left at the beginning of pregnancy with baby #2, he had undisclosed issues but that's a story for a different day.

Anyway, I've told some friends recently that I'm interested in dating again or at less ready to put myself out there again. It's been 5 and a half years so I'm rusty anyway. This decision has been met with mixed reviews, although everyone keeps telling me they hope I meet someone special soon many have said things like it going to be impossible to find a man who wants to take on 2 kids? Or just wait until the kids are older, you have kids shouldn't that be enough don't worry about dating, single mums don't need love(a single dad told me that one)
Even a guy friend who has a baby with his ex wife but when they parted his quickly remarried and had another child, he said it's ok to date but don't be so desperate? I'm not out there scanned the dating ads, I haven't even been to a bar etc. I've been using any free time with is very little to meet up with friends and do different things and I meet new people.

They make it sound like I should just give up and stay know knitting,hoping that some great guy will turn up at my door when the kids are 25 lol.
I said to a friend I'm sure the next guy I meet won't be "the one" and I'm o.k with that, and she said you shouldn't be sleeping around if you have kids? she assumed I meant I'd be some drunk mummy bar hopping bring home random men. She has it all worked out with steps you should take to not be a single mum? because she's met a o.k guy but this woman she's 32 use to sleep with married men. Why are people not in the situation so high and mighty. My ex started dating straight away, but the view is it's easier for men, it's easier yes coz they don't have the day to day of the kids but why is it so shameful for a mum to date?Yes I made a mistake with my ex but doesn't make me hopeless. Also the timeline, I was explaining if I met a guy I won't be introuding them to my children straight away anyway (unless I meet him at a playgroup or park etc) but they're saying you need to look for father material, make sure he gets on with your kids, don't wait too long.

Has anyone else experienced negative views about dating because you have kids?

 

[weebubba]

Don't worry what anyone else has to say - how you feel about it is all that matters. Im sure your kids are your priority but you are allowed a life of your own.

As for nobody wanting to date you because you have kids, utter rubbish! I have 4 kids with my ex-husband and I've been with my beautiful OH for 4 years and he loves my kids to bits.

I found the only judgmental people were those who were "happily" married and they obviously had no idea what it was like to be on your own as their lives were perfect.

Good luck for your future and never mind the narrow minded peeps.

 

[Jade--x]

Eugh tell them to stick their opinions where the sun doesn't shine. Don't worry about what they've got to say about it hun, and don't let them make you feel bad or guilty!

You're entitled to do whatever you like, why should having children stop you?

As for 'no man wants a woman with kids' total rubbish! I have 2 LO's and I met my OH, we're happy he adores my LO's and they adore him. I had my 1st LO at 17 and have had relationships after that who didn't mind me having a baby, and then I split with my 2nd LO's Dad last year and have since met guys who were happy about me having kids who I just wasn't interested in dating (until I met my OH obviously) so don't let them try and tell you otherwise.

 

[lovejoy]

Thanks girlies nice to hear some positive stories of single mums finding a man. There's a guy I like,feels weird but nice even if it is just a crush as I'm not even sure he likes me
but as my youngest is only 10 months they're making feel like I shouldn't even look at him lol

 

[Natsku]

Urgh don't listen to negative opinions like that! I started "dating" very soon after I left my ex (our relationship had died long before I left him, thats why I felt ready to move on so quick) and my friends all supported me. I met my OH fairly quickly and he told me that its so normal for women his age (he's 28) to have kids that it just isn't a hindering factor in forming relationships.

 

[Dezireey]

I think it is all a bit silly really. When I look back through my life and think of people I have known and met, I can write a huge list of people ( friends of parents, work colleagues, my friends etc) that were in their second relationship or marriage and some had kids and met men with their own kids. I seriously believe a HUGE amount of the population make up these sort of fragmented families. Being a 'single mum' is also an outdated concept as, now I have experienced it myself, I realise that when an FOB just leaves you , what choice has a woman got? It's all a bit silly.

There are tons of men out there who think nothing of dating a woman with children. In fact, I think that it is probably harder for a man with kids to find a single woman, than it is for a woman with kids to find a single man. Think about it. A young, single woman, who probably wants a family of her own one day, is more hesitant to get involved with a man who already has had his own family as women get broody.

Men don't seem to put that much importance on that criteria. if they really fancy a woman and she is compatible with him, he wants to just keep her regardless ( usually!). Dating for a single mum is only difficult if you have that mindset to begin with. Don't listen to people and their outdated views. Get out there, have fun and meet the man for you hun xx

 

[Dream.dream]

I just had a laugh .

Do they really except you not to look for someone ? That's red oculus . If your ready then go for it.

There is alot I positive things for you and your children about you finding a nice guy and dating : you get a break , and get a life outside your children, and you can also model healthy relationships for them and have another good role model.

 

[BabySeal]

I agree there is nothing wrong with dating. Now there is dating, and then there is the type who are going OTT and putting more emphasis on dating/going out then the time spent raising children. I think that may be where some of the negative stigma could be coming from. Those few have to ruin it for the rest of us huh?

Go on and put yourself out there when you feel it is a good time to do so. And most importantly have fun and enjoy the time out!

 

[dudettex]

That's ridiculous! When I lived in quebec most parents I've seen aren't even together. I think there's nothing wrong at all with dating, as long as like you don't bring guy after guy around your kids, or even a guy that you havn't been dating long at all around them. If it were stupid to date a single parent then there would never be any step parents.. and that's pretty much all ya see nowadays lol so whoever was saying that has no idea what they're talking about. Just ignore them and do your thing and what makes you happy and what you think is best for your kids too. That's all that matters

 

[Kate&Lucas]

Wow! It's no-one elses' bloody business!

I don't really discuss dating with other people. I've never really had any negative comments but there's always that feeling of guilt, you know? I don't 'sleep around', though I guess whether or not someone did would have no bearing on their children's lives anyway?

I've only been on a handful of dates since my last relationship (a rebound after FOB, 2 and a half years ago). The only 'wtf' thing anyone has said to me was a guy I went on a couple of dates with recently, after telling him that FOB and I spend time together around Lucas and take him on days out together, because while I can't help the fact he comes from a one parent family, I don't want him to feel as if he's missing out, you know? He said "wow, it's a little hypocritical you feel that way considering you've dated girls since being a mum - so you don't want him feeling like he has single parents but you don't mind him having gay parents??"
Yeah... that didn't work out

 

[MissJayy]

Seriously, that is stupid!
Single mothers can and should date - if that is what they want.
I'm only 18, and don't plan on dating anytime soon... At all... Hahaha.

I once had a family friend asked if I ever wanted another child, and before I could answer said that if I did I would have to get back with my ex because having a child to someone else would be 'disgusting'.
People just need to mind their own business, and if you want to date, GO FOR IT!

 

[Dezireey]

Oscar winner Kate Winslet is pregnant, for the third time, with her third husband and will then have three kids by three different fathers. She seems happy and no-one judges her.

 

[Dream.dream]

Seriously, that is stupid!
Single mothers can and should date - if that is what they want.
I'm only 18, and don't plan on dating anytime soon... At all... Hahaha.

I once had a family friend asked if I ever wanted another child, and before I could answer said that if I did I would have to get back with my ex because having a child to someone else would be 'disgusting'.
People just need to mind their own business, and if you want to date, GO FOR IT!

That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. it don't work out why would you have another baby with them? I seriously cringe . I bet you friend wouldn't think it was disgusting for your baby's dad to have another baby with another girl , I don't get why it's okay for men but not for women'

 

[lovejoy]

Seriously, that is stupid!
Single mothers can and should date - if that is what they want.
I'm only 18, and don't plan on dating anytime soon... At all... Hahaha.

I once had a family friend asked if I ever wanted another child, and before I could answer said that if I did I would have to get back with my ex because having a child to someone else would be 'disgusting'.
People just need to mind their own business, and if you want to date, GO FOR IT!

That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. it don't work out why would you have another baby with them? I seriously cringe . I bet you friend wouldn't think it was disgusting for your baby's dad to have another baby with another girl , I don't get why it's okay for men but not for women'

Trust me there are a lot of weirdos like that. It's always one rule for men and another for women. My "friend" said something crazy too, "if your ex wanted you back you should go back to him for the children?" Nevermind that it ended in a disaster, her logic is for the kids and it will take you ages to find someone else. She also said o.k date just don't get pregnant this time? I call her my "friend" but this whole situation has made me realise how judgmental she is.
A lot of people just don't think this will ever happen to them and single mums are either single by chose to get lots of benefit money (which is laughable) or there's something wrong with us that made the man leave.

Hoping to see my crush today

 

[MissJayy]

Seriously, that is stupid!
Single mothers can and should date - if that is what they want.
I'm only 18, and don't plan on dating anytime soon... At all... Hahaha.

I once had a family friend asked if I ever wanted another child, and before I could answer said that if I did I would have to get back with my ex because having a child to someone else would be 'disgusting'.
People just need to mind their own business, and if you want to date, GO FOR IT!

That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. it don't work out why would you have another baby with them? I seriously cringe . I bet you friend wouldn't think it was disgusting for your baby's dad to have another baby with another girl , I don't get why it's okay for men but not for women'

Trust me there are a lot of weirdos like that. It's always one rule for men and another for women. My "friend" said something crazy too, "if your ex wanted you back you should go back to him for the children?" Nevermind that it ended in a disaster, her logic is for the kids and it will take you ages to find someone else. She also said o.k date just don't get pregnant this time? I call her my "friend" but this whole situation has made me realise how judgmental she is.
A lot of people just don't think this will ever happen to them and single mums are either single by chose to get lots of benefit money (which is laughable) or there's something wrong with us that made the man leave.

Hoping to see my crush today

I know, it is absolute rubbish! I know that FOB got a girl pregnant before me, she chose another path though and did not keep the baby. He is also 20 and dating I think a 15/16 year old, hahahaha.
I admit, I get benefits, but seriously, what choice do I have? I am a SINGLE parent, I get $10 child support a fortnight or a month not quite sure, if he doesnt clear his bank account before Child support agency get it, costs $300+ a week for childcare if I were to get a job. They're all tricky situations and it is always those in relationships or with no kids who judge!! Arrrgh quite frustrating.

 

[Dezireey]

What about single Mums whose partners have passed away? case in point - Since the Afghanistan war, roughly 444 soldiers have died from the UK alone. A lot of them were married men with kids, leaving behind single mothers. And of course, there have also been two world wars with tons of men sadly passing away and leaving families fatherless.

I just think sometimes people just forget what single motherhood really means and what it is about. 'Society' seems to have a perception that 80% of single mothers must be super young, reckless and did it on purpose to claim benefits?? when in true reality, it is made of a % of women whose husbands have died, % of women whose partners just left them, % of women who maybe, god forbid, got to an older age and panicked and went to a sperm bank etc etc.

Sorry, just felt like a rant on that one as the reality of single motherhood is so far removed from this silly stigma and what 'people' have in their head as being stereotypical.

 

[Kate&Lucas]

Oscar winner Kate Winslet is pregnant, for the third time, with her third husband and will then have three kids by three different fathers. She seems happy and no-one judges her.

Did you read the article in The Telegraph about her?
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/ce...ird-time-lucky-for-Calamity-Kate-Winslet.html

 

[Dezireey]

Oscar winner Kate Winslet is pregnant, for the third time, with her third husband and will then have three kids by three different fathers. She seems happy and no-one judges her.

Did you read the article in The Telegraph about her?
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/ce...ird-time-lucky-for-Calamity-Kate-Winslet.html

To be honest, the majority of comments made on there are just catty, bitchy and unnecessary. Typical really of some jumped up female journalist giving her 'opinion' on a single mother. To be honest, the only time I think this type of circumstance should be judged (a few kids with different fathers) is when the Mother doesn't marry the fathers and they are all e.g. one night stands, she also cannot provide for the kids and lives soley on welfare and / or the reason she got pregnant by so many men is that she just couldn't be bothered to use contraception.

Why judge a movie star?, with millions in the bank who can (obviously) provide for her kids on her own salary, hell, she could probably provide for another 12 with the money she earns! and she has also married each man and (one assumes) planned a child with each one? She also sounds well educated and lives a good life. So she is crappy at finding the right man? How do we know that each of her husbands has left her?

The media...... bleurghhh, idiots

 

[prideNJoy]

Trust me there are a lot of weirdos like that. It's always one rule for men and another for women. My "friend" said something crazy too, "if your ex wanted you back you should go back to him for the children?"[/B] Nevermind that it ended in a disaster, her logic is for the kids and it will take you ages to find someone else. She also said o.k date just don't get pregnant this time? I call her my "friend" but this whole situation has made me realise how judgmental she is.
A lot of people just don't think this will ever happen to them and single mums are either single by chose to get lots of benefit money (which is laughable) or there's something wrong with us that made the man leave.

Hoping to see my crush today

Absolutely not, the kids will pick up on the vibe or lack there of b/w mom and dad if love is not in the picture. This would be a bad example to show to the kids. Let it be known, marriage is good for children, but a loveless, lifeless marriage would probally do more damage. Kids pick up on everything.

 

[Dream.dream]

Oscar winner Kate Winslet is pregnant, for the third time, with her third husband and will then have three kids by three different fathers. She seems happy and no-one judges her.

Did you read the article in The Telegraph about her?
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/ce...ird-time-lucky-for-Calamity-Kate-Winslet.html

To be honest, the majority of comments made on there are just catty, bitchy and unnecessary. Typical really of some jumped up female journalist giving her 'opinion' on a single mother. To be honest, the only time I think this type of circumstance should be judged (a few kids with different fathers) is when the Mother doesn't marry the fathers and they are all e.g. one night stands, she also cannot provide for the kids and lives soley on welfare and / or the reason she got pregnant by so many men is that she just couldn't be bothered to use contraception.

Why judge a movie star?, with millions in the bank who can (obviously) provide for her kids on her own salary, hell, she could probably provide for another 12 with the money she earns! and she has also married each man and (one assumes) planned a child with each one? She also sounds well educated and lives a good life. So she is crappy at finding the right man? How do we know that each of her husbands has left her?

The media...... bleurghhh, idiots

I disagree on one point. I don't think you should be judging a single mom if her kids come from one night stands , shouldn't matter where they come from if she can provide for them. I don't see what being married makes a difference ,

Also no birthcontrol is fool proof , I have 2 accidental pregnancies , the first ill admit was me not being careful with contraception, I was drunk and didn't make my sons dad wear a condom and it was only once , This baby I was on depo half way through and baby's dad was told 2 years ago he was sterile. So of she choose to keep her children I wouldn't judge regardless of how they came to be