Single, pregnant, broken hearted

[Grieving30]

Hi all,

I am 34w 4d pregnant with my first child, a boy. The baby's father and I were together up until just about 2 weeks ago. I posted in the third trimester forum about the details of our breakup, but basically something seemed fishy, I looked at his text messages and saw that he had been talking to his ex about me being a "cry baby" and etc. I was (and am) so hurt. He just treated me horribly. We have been in touch. He thinks I've overreacted and that there's no reason to break up. I'm having such a hard time and my heart is broken. Things just aren't the way I wanted them to be. I'm feeling very weak. I just don't even know what to do. I'm having a baby and it should be a happy time, but I'm so sad.

 

[amy.mummy2be]

I know the feeling hun!
Its not nice, but nothing else will matter in a few weeks when you have the most amazing thing in your arms!

Nothing ever works out the way we want it too. But everything happens for a reason!

Feel free to privite message me if you want a chat hun!!

*BIG HUGS*

Xx

 

[Grieving30]

Thank you for the response. I know it will be alright. I mostly stay busy, which helps. But it's during unbusy times, like in the evenings when I'm relaxing or I lay down to sleep, when I'll just feel so sad and lonely. I know it will pass, it's just never fun feeling this way.

 

[Becky61]

What was/is his relationship like with his ex? Did they remain friends after their break up?
x

 

[Becky61]

My question may seem irrelevent, but i didnt want to comment til i understand fully. If he split up with his ex, & didnt remain friends, my opinion is far more negative than if he saw her as a friend, & lets off steam 2 her like any male/female friend x

 

[Grieving30]

What was/is his relationship like with his ex? Did they remain friends after their break up?
x

Well, they have a 10 year old daughter together. They are friends. But this just made me more concerned, especially after I knew what was said about me.

 

[Dezireey]

Perhaps tell him you need a break from the relationship rather than ' I am breaking up with you now!' Sort of thing? It is less final and leaves the door open. Your hormones will be playing havoc with your body, you will have a lot to stress about and making huge decisions whilst pregnant is never a good idea. Yes, it looks like he has done something wrong and I agree that it is out of line. But your pregnancy is a special time and you don't need added stress. Maybe try and remain friends and ask for his support during the pregnancy and then when baby is here and you are feeling back to normal again, you can make your decision to leave him for good.

 

[teal]

 

[Grieving30]

Perhaps tell him you need a break from the relationship rather than ' I am breaking up with you now!' Sort of thing? It is less final and leaves the door open. Your hormones will be playing havoc with your body, you will have a lot to stress about and making huge decisions whilst pregnant is never a good idea. Yes, it looks like he has done something wrong and I agree that it is out of line. But your pregnancy is a special time and you don't need added stress. Maybe try and remain friends and ask for his support during the pregnancy and then when baby is here and you are feeling back to normal again, you can make your decision to leave him for good.

I know what you mean about hormones. But in this situation I know it has to be over. I couldn't trust him again. And things will be better in the long-run.

 

[daneuse27]

I agree that your ex was way out of line in what he did. I am wondering if he usually vents to her about things in life, or if this seemed unusual for them. Either way, it was inappropriate. He shouldnt be calling you names behind your back to anyone, least of all his ex.

I agree with Dezireey that this is all a lot to take in right now. If you're completely sure you dont want to be with him anymore, then think about some of the little decisions that will need to be made around that; such as who will be your birthing partner, how involved will you allow him to be, where will you be living in the near future, etc.

Theres a lot to think about, but try to relax, get lots of sleep and go with your gut on things. I hope it all works out

 

[Grieving30]

I agree that your ex was way out of line in what he did. I am wondering if he usually vents to her about things in life, or if this seemed unusual for them. Either way, it was inappropriate. He shouldnt be calling you names behind your back to anyone, least of all his ex.

I agree with Dezireey that this is all a lot to take in right now. If you're completely sure you dont want to be with him anymore, then think about some of the little decisions that will need to be made around that; such as who will be your birthing partner, how involved will you allow him to be, where will you be living in the near future, etc.

Theres a lot to think about, but try to relax, get lots of sleep and go with your gut on things. I hope it all works out

Thanks.

Another problem is he doesn't think he did anything wrong. Somehow he sees it as me breaking up because he called me a cry baby, although I've tried to explain to him that he gossiped about me with his ex, disrespected my feelings, and how hurt and betrayed I feel. I think he just lacks the emotional maturity to understand maybe? Anyway, I just feel like it's so strange to be pregnant with someone's child and trying to get over them. Even when I think about things that show his lack of care it's still hard. I loved him and really believed he loved me.

He lives a couple hours away so I'm not sure if he'll even be here when the baby's born. I do have a doula and my mom will be here.

Thanks everyone.

 

[daneuse27]

I agree that your ex was way out of line in what he did. I am wondering if he usually vents to her about things in life, or if this seemed unusual for them. Either way, it was inappropriate. He shouldnt be calling you names behind your back to anyone, least of all his ex.

I agree with Dezireey that this is all a lot to take in right now. If you're completely sure you dont want to be with him anymore, then think about some of the little decisions that will need to be made around that; such as who will be your birthing partner, how involved will you allow him to be, where will you be living in the near future, etc.

Theres a lot to think about, but try to relax, get lots of sleep and go with your gut on things. I hope it all works out

Thanks.

Another problem is he doesn't think he did anything wrong. Somehow he sees it as me breaking up because he called me a cry baby, although I've tried to explain to him that he gossiped about me with his ex, disrespected my feelings, and how hurt and betrayed I feel. I think he just lacks the emotional maturity to understand maybe? Anyway, I just feel like it's so strange to be pregnant with someone's child and trying to get over them. Even when I think about things that show his lack of care it's still hard. I loved him and really believed he loved me.

He lives a couple hours away so I'm not sure if he'll even be here when the baby's born. I do have a doula and my mom will be here.

Thanks everyone.

A couple hours is nothing. My ex lives in a different country, 5 hour flight away and he came here to be present for the birth. If he can do it, I have no doubt that your ex can, and he should. This is his child. He should be making EVERY effort to be involved, and if he isn't, that tells you more about him.

Its very hard to forgive someone if they can't even acknowledge that they did something wrong. If he just admit that he vented to his ex about you, and shouldn't have - you two would at least be on the right track. It sounds to me that he's stubborn and the type who often doesn't see fault with himself or his actions.

Were things in your relationship mostly good before this texting incident, or did you have problems with him before too?

 

[Grieving30]

We've had problems before. We actually broke up last year for 5 or 6 months, but ended up getting back together.

He texted me today saying he still cares about me. I'm really hurting. Just sad and feeling angry at him and his ex. Just so upset.

 

[daneuse27]

Only you know for sure whether this relationship is right for you. Men can say anything, its their actions we need to listen to; not their words.

As Dezireey said, you don't necessarily need to make drastic decisions right now. You mentioned you're currently living hours away. If you're happy and comfortable where you are, I say wait things out and don't make any big changes until long after you've given birth. Just do what will make you happy, and comfortable for now especially, you're about to have a baby and you need to feel at ease and peaceful, not in the middle of drama with your ex and his ex. Its all about YOU and your happiness and comfort level right now. He should be treating you like a queen, not adding stress and drama to your life.

 

[creatingpeace]

Still cares about you? Of course he does its only been a few eweeks/days. Try and put him aside for now, what will be will be with him. t is a hormal and stressful time. Time you would benefit form focussing on the growth of your beanie and yourself. Whatever comes of him will just come. Save the drama for later.

Hugs and sorry you have to go through this.

 

[Grieving30]

Well, last night he apologized. He wants to get back together, still loves me, etc. I don't know what to do. I did tell him we could talk more today. I just don't know. It's just so hard because I do love him. I just don't know how I can trust him. I'm just crying because this is so difficult.

 

[creatingpeace]

Good luck!

 

[daneuse27]

I think that he'll need to prove himself to you so that you can feel comfortable trusting him again. Only you can decide how he can accomplish that.