Sleep help please!

[heli]

Hoping someone can help. My 12 week old is a terrible sleeper. At the moment he is going down in his cot about 7-7.30pm after a feed and cuddle, arms swaddled and asleep. He then wakes a few times in the next hour and needs resettling back to sleep. He may then sleep for a few hours but normally needs a feed about 2.5-3 hours after going to sleep (this is anytime from 10.30pm)

After this I really struggle to get him back to sleep in his own bed. I can get him fully asleep in my arms relatively easily and he remains asleep when I put him down but within 5-15 minutes he has woken himself up again, flapping his legs or moving his head from side to side. I have tried lots of things, shushing and patting, a dummy, holding my hands on him, background noise. It is not possible to put him down awake as he just wakes himself up more then starts crying. The only way I get any sleep is to have him in bed with me where he will sleep soundly for 3 hours at a time waking to be fed then going back to sleep.

I don't want to cosleep, my bed isn't big enough! He won't even settle in the arms of my dh during the night, only I will do! I have also tried the normal tricks of propping the head end of the cot, making it warm and having a t shirt of mine in there with him. Can anyone help?

Thanks

 

[Button#]

Have you tried holding him for 20 minutes before putting him in his cot. 10 minutes after they drop off a lot of babies will have a little wriggle but at the 20 minute mark they should be in deep sleep and hopefully will stay asleep when you put them down. Also make sure his head touches the mattress first.

 

[heli]

Thanks Button, I have tried holding him from 10 minutes to 40 minutes but he still wakes up. I will try making sure his head goes down first tonight though and see if that helps.

 

[Button#]

Have you tried a sleeping bag instead of a swaddle. My DS used to get on really well with a swaddle but DD wakes up if I put her down swaddled.

 

[ElizabethK_]

I had the exact same thing! And all that worked for me was to co-sleep even though I didn't want to. Untill DD was about 11 weeks this happened but then one day she decided she wanted to sleep in her co-sleeper cot. And since then at night she does - eventually - go to sleep in the co-sleeper but still wakes 2-3 times each night to feed.

All I can say is stick to your routine, be patient and your baby will find his own way to sleeping. I know you don't sleep, I know it's frustrating and I know it's killing you. But it will get better. Routine, routine, routine. It WILL work in the end.

 

[Catiren]

my baby is almost 6 weeks old and we swaddle her legs and leave her arms out because otherwise her crazy feet will wake her up. i do breastfeed but at night i get my boyfriend to bottle feed her some formula because it takes longer to digest which makes her sleepy and helps her sleep for longer. but just like you, it seems more often than just on occasion that we have to rock her to sleep in our arms. i usually let her sleep for about 10 to 15 minutes to make sure shes totally sleep before trying to put her in the crib. at this point i can be lucky to get 4 hours of sleep with those methods put together. there was a single night two nights ago where me and him both got 7 and a half hours of sleep(complete LUCK) in total from 11pm to 10 am in the morning which included a few feedings. our baby was a total night owl to begin with and we're still trying to work through that

 

[heli]

Thank you all for your advice and support. It is just so hard when you are exhausted but you all know that! I have a 3 year old dd so I thought I'd know what I was doing 2nd time round but he is just a different baby all together! I am going to try and be really consistent the next 2 weeks with the bedtime routine and try him with a sleeping bag instead of a swaddle to see if that helps. I'm not sure why he is waking himself up all the time, I co slept last night and he woke up to feed then went pretty much straight back to sleep, I guess he just loves cuddles. I will let you know how I get on. Thanks again for your advice and sympathy x

 

[Button#]

I have a 3 year old as well and I'm the same as you! My DS was a bad sleeper but I'm pretty sure he wasn't as bad as DD. At least we know they will get there eventually and we've survived one baby so hopefully we can survive another! Hope you start to get more sleep soon.

 

[StranjeGirl]

It could just be a phase too. DD2 started not sleeping as well starting at 10 weeks, and then it settled and she is a great sleeper at the moment. What worked for my two kids is this (but i know every baby is differernt)
I keep them up late. I use the swing for naps and I put dd2 in her swing at about 8-8:30 and then I wake her up at about 9:30 to feed and change her. I don't swaddle anymroe because she is rolling, but I used to swaddle her and now I just put her in her sleepsack and I lay her on my legs...head at my knees while I am sitting watching tv (i'm really tall so I dont know if this would work for everyone) I bounce her on my legs or rock them back and forth while I am watching tv. She is usually done eating and asleep by about 10:15 and I carry her to her bed. Her bed is a little cradle thing right next to my side of the bed. If she wakes during the night I put her back on my legs while I am laying in bed and kinda rock my legs back and forth and she falls right back asleep. Sometimes I doze off and I keep her there for a while and then put her back in her bed. She went through a phase where she was waking a lot, but I would always stick her back in her bed once asleep. I wanted her waking up in her bed. She has been a pretty good sleeper, and now she rarely wakes at night...I think she woke once in the past month and that was because she rolled over and got stuck. Once I put her down for the night I usually have to wake her at 7:30am. She rarely wakes much earlier than that.
I did the same with dd1, but I used to take her in the room and rock her to sleep. It got difficult as she got older as it was taking longer and longer. This is much easier because i'm not stuck in a room rocking the baby for an hour if it happens to take longer one night!

 

[heli]

Thanks for the replies. Quick update. I have stopped swaddling ( which has made him neither better nor worse). The first night he did quite well and I managed to get him settled in his cot after every feed (even though that was 2 hourly!) until 4.30am when he was ready to play. I consider this a successful night. Last night he settled to bed at around 8pm and slept till midnight, after that I tried and tried but could not settle him in his bed, he would go down asleep only to wake up after 5-20 minutes and need resettling. Gave in at 3am and put him in bed with me where he slept till 6. Persevering the next few nights with our bedtime routine and trying to get him asleep in his own bed!