Sleep needed

[Natty_babez]

My little 2 week old has got her night and day really mixed up and I am one tired mummy !!!

She will be awake a little while during the day but mostly sleeps only waking for her feeds and then once it gets to her 1am feed she's awake and won't go back to sleep until about 5 or sometimes 6am by which point I am having to get up and start the day !!! I have tried everything to try and help this we make sure during the day we talk to her and interact with her the house is bright and noisy with our 5 year old playing around the house and then night time is completely different it's dark and quiet and when she wakes we don't make eye contact really and just get her up to feed and then try to put her back in her crib but she cries and gets really upset we also only change her nappy if it really needs doing as advised by the health visitor.

Can anyone suggest anything that might help get her into a better routine ? I dread night times and during the day I feel like I'm a walking zombie as I don't have the time to nap when she naps like everyone says to do it's just not possible especially with a 5 year old to entertain and take care of as well

Xxx

 

[Bordeaux]

Two weeks is still quite early but recommend the baby whisperer. Worked a dream for us. Are you breastfeeding?

 

[Natty_babez]

What's the baby whisperer ? We have a Ewan the dream sheep and it does seem to settle her and I know from experience with my other little girl that it takes time for her to get used to day and night she always used to be active in my belly at night so I knew we had a little monkey on our hands but I just need a little bit of a sleep. I know it's bad but I've even taken to letting her sleep on my chest some nights for a few hours just so I can get some sleep as she will settle on me .... and I quite like the cuddles but don't want to make it a habit as it's not ideal for her or for me xx

 

[Natty_babez]

I'm also formula feeding she goes about 3 hours between feeds occasionally 4 xx

 

[noon_child]

I think it can be easier to try to rearrange your own life rather than change a baby's pre-programmed instincts for the first few weeks before baby gets her days and nights the right way round.

Is there a relative or friend who can take your 5 year old so that you can sleep when baby sleeps? If you have a partner, could they rearrange any work commitments (just for the next few weeks) so they could do the school run with your 5year old, or take him/her a few days a week if home schooled just for a few weeks? We often assume workplaces wont be flexible but if we don't ask we don't get and often some tiny change can be offered that makes all the difference.

We live in a society that just expects women to get on with it and do everything they did before, but newborns are hard work. Other cultures have it inbuilt that a mother wouldn't do ANYTHING but stay in bed and look after her new baby for about a month after birth and the rest of the family/community rallies round to look after older children, cook meals etc. We are kidding ourselves if we think we can do it all without support - if there is anyone who can give you even an hour or two to sleep when your little one is sleeping by taking your 5yr old for lunch or to soft play please, please ask them!

 

[Bordeaux]

https://www.baby-sleep-advice.com/baby-whisperer.html this is the baby whisperer way. It's not a routine but a way of coping.

 

[Natty_babez]

My other half is self employed so can't really alter his hours or days he works he also works away the majority of the time so as from Tuesday he's back at work and then the week after my little girl is back at school. I unfortunately don't have any close family either I can ask for help so I'm going to have to try and just get on with it.

I'm not entirely happy about it but since yesterday we have introduced a dummy as she has also taken to using her bottle as a dummy especially at night time and last night she woke for her 1am feed but settled to sleep about half 4 which is a slight improvement to 5 and 6am !!!

I am struggling to even find time to eat at the moment as I don't feel like I have the time luckily my other half has been sharing the load and does feeds and meals etc but once he goes back to work after xmas it's gonna be hard. I'm thinking the worse case scenario is drop my little girl of at school and then come back home and go back to bed to try and catch up on some sleep with the baby because at the moment I feel like I'm useless to my other child being so tired all the time

 

[noon_child]

My other half ... works away the majority of the time so as from Tuesday he's back at work and then the week after my little girl is back at school. I unfortunately don't have any close family either I can ask for help so I'm going to have to try and just get on with it.

Oh that is hard...I feel for you. My OH's work takes him away from home too and our families aren't close by. It is one reason I wont have another child now as it was hard enough when I knew he was coming home at 6:30, I can't imagine knowing he'd not be coming home for days!

Can you arrange any after school playdates at your older child's friends houses so that you don't have all the responsibility of entertaining her all the time after school? Are there any families who live nearby who might take her in to school a couple of times?

It can be hard to drop off once you've been up I know but if going back to bed after school drop off works for you and the baby it doesn't sound like a worst case scenario - if it works do it!

 

[Bordeaux]

Try not to feel guilty whenever you can sleep. I tried to be super woman at the start and then realised that even my body needed to recover from just giving birth. I remember feeling so tired .does your daughter sleep after a walk ? I used to walk until he slept and rush home and get him to bed so that I could sleep. Timing the walks meant that he got into a routine

 

[Smanderson]

I read somewhere daylight in the afternoon helps with night sleeping. I used to make SURE he would get daylight every afternoon after reading this I don't know what it was that made the difference, possibly a combo of daylight, pod and routine? We also used a poddle pod which i highly recommend. Hope she sleeps well soon x

 

[Natty_babez]

I feel guilty asking someone else to take her to school one of the mums has offered to help she only lives behind our house but I feel like a bit of a failure as silly as that sounds. I have also been suffering with crippling migraines I'm not sure whether it's the lack of sleep or doing to much but I had one this afternoon which has just floored me and I worry if they keep happening specially when my other half is away. There's plenty of families out there that have more than one child I feel annoyed with myself that I'm struggling so much !!!! Daisy has also become really clingy she likes to be held and only really settles when I have hold of her which is making it hard for me to get any jobs done round the house I was going to get a sling for her but then my sister in law has said it's a terrible idea as it'll make her worse and when I have to go back to work it'll be a nightmare.

I just don't know what to do for the best at all she slept slightly better last night and settled at 4 instead of 6 which is a start so I'm hoping we are turning a little corner

 

[noon_child]

I feel guilty asking someone else to take her to school one of the mums has offered to help she only lives behind our house but I feel like a bit of a failure as silly as that sounds. I have also been suffering with crippling migraines I'm not sure whether it's the lack of sleep or doing to much but I had one this afternoon which has just floored me and I worry if they keep happening specially when my other half is away. There's plenty of families out there that have more than one child I feel annoyed with myself that I'm struggling so much !!!!

We cannot do it all ourselves and even if we can just about "cope" who wants to "cope" if we could thrive instead? There are plenty of families yes, but there are also plenty of exhausted, resentful, unwell mums too because we live in societies where people don't nurture mums or motherhood. You aren't going to be relying on people forever but for a short amount of time, when your body is telling you that you need it, leaning on someone for a favour isn't a failing. Ask yourself, if you knew someone as exhausted as you are now, would you mind doing the odd school run for them here and there?

Daisy has also become really clingy she likes to be held and only really settles when I have hold of her which is making it hard for me to get any jobs done round the house I was going to get a sling for her but then my sister in law has said it's a terrible idea as it'll make her worse and when I have to go back to work it'll be a nightmare.

It's a myth that holding her or using a sling will make her worse. Babies are biologically programmed to seek to be near you when ever possible, nothing you do can train her out of this at such a young age. A sling may make your life easier that's all.

 

[PocoHR]

It's just so hard in the beginning. Two week olds really aren't supposed to know their nights from their days, they aren't ready for that yet. Honestly, the fact that she goes three hours between feeds is pretty good, although I'm sure that is not what you want to hear! Try to sleep during the day, that is what you are supposed to do. Also, if you don't have family around, try to hire someone to give you a hand after school, so you can focus on the new baby and rest. Know that it will get easier!! The very beginning is the worst, it gets easier and easier. You are doing great!