Sleep questions

[Jinnah]

How do you put your babies to sleep? I have five children (oldest 14, youngest almost 2 months). I have never been able to get them to sleep on their own as babies. Well, our third child would sleep in his swing during the day, but not in a crib or anything. I wound up resorting to co-sleeping with each of them, which isn't an issue at night, but during the day it's difficult. I wind up holding my babies all day while they sleep, and this is awesome minus the fact that it's hard to get housework and other things done. So, how do you get your babies to sleep on their own while they are so young? The second mine are put down, their eyes pop open and they cry.

 

[Literati_Love]

I still hold mine for naps so I can't really talk. She is also the type if she is put down, whether awake or once asleep she will start crying and get very upset and never go to sleep. However, the few times I have been able to get her down in her crib (and my daycare lady does the same thing and she is always successful - so I think my DD must just know I will give in) is I rock her and do whatever I can to make her EXTREMELY drowsy and then I put her down in her crib and pat her. You have to get the exact right window of drowsiness or else she cries, but if I get the timing right, she will be so drowsy that even though she'll open her eyes initially as soon as I pat her she will drift back. It works even better if I'm able to stop patting and have her open and close her eyes and fully fall asleep on her own so that the patting isn't a "crutch." As I said, I can't really talk because I still have to hold my dd most of the time, but it does always work for my daycare lady so it might be worth a try?

 

[bdb84]

From nearly the get go, I've put DD2 down when she was drowsy but still awake. As much as I love my little darlings, I need to have time to myself to get things done. I don't want to have to hold her the entire nap, or even wear her the entire nap.

Because we've worked on this since the beginning, I'm able to just lay her down at her first sign of being ready for a nap/bedtime and she'll put herself right down. We have this down to a T so precisely that I know that, any time she protests, she's truly not tired. When she's ready to sleep, she doesn't let out a squeak when I lay her down.

 

[Jinnah]

I will try the patting thing... it's worth a shot. My kids seem to be super sensitive. I can lie in bed with them and they will go to sleep. Then, I will try to sneak out, but they know within a few minutes!!

For the first week or so, our newest would sleep in his swing for a long time, but then he stopped doing that. He just cries until I pick him up.

Are your babies bottle or breastfed? I heard breastfed babies sleep lighter, but I have no idea if that is true or not!

 

[ttc126]

I have had a great sleeper and a challenging sleeper now. with my first I'd put him in his crib full, clean, and drowsy and like magic he'd sleep through from 4 months.

ds2 has been....different. LOL! He would only sleep in a rock n play or swing and only a couple hours at a time. Well when he started to outgrow these sleep.aids I decided I needed to really try to work on it as I was wrecked from not sleeping with a toddler to care for. I don't really like cry it out and couldn't stand to do that to my little guy. So I decided to work on naps first. I moved his swing next to his crib, shut the curtains, and turned on loud.white noise. It took a few weeks of being consistent but he finally started napping about an hour at a time. Then we tried at night. It was just a process. If he got too upset I'd just move him back with me! It took 8 weeks but he's finally turned the corner and is now sleeping 7pm to 5am...no crying was necessary.

I think the most important things are putting him down a little bit awake, being consistent with bed and nap times (he's extremely sensitive), and white noise.

I have read that as long as you get some good habits going by 6-8 months it will be fairly easy to get the sleep thing down.

hope this helps a little!

 

[zebbed89]

Neither of my babies have been babies that you can put down to sleep. With my daughter it was just me and her so she napped on me until I managed to get her to sleep in her bouncer but I litrally had to bounce her like her head would fly off. This time round I either have him nap on me or I have a wrap if I need to get things done.hes asleep within minutes. I'm breastfeeding second baby and we Co sleep but I'm hoping to get him napping in his cot after I've visited my mum. Xx

 

[Literati_Love]

Mine is breastfed and also a very light sleeper. I cannot skip away once she's asleep either. That's why the key is getting them to fall asleep on their own!

 

[Taurus8484]

From nearly the get go, I've put DD2 down when she was drowsy but still awake. As much as I love my little darlings, I need to have time to myself to get things done. I don't want to have to hold her the entire nap, or even wear her the entire nap.

Because we've worked on this since the beginning, I'm able to just lay her down at her first sign of being ready for a nap/bedtime and she'll put herself right down. We have this down to a T so precisely that I know that, any time she protests, she's truly not tired. When she's ready to sleep, she doesn't let out a squeak when I lay her down.

Exactly the same. Both DS have learnt to self settle from early on with no cc or cio. Now i just put them down and walk out the room and off they go to sleep by themselves. Both have been excellent sleepers. Sleep 7-7.

 

[Jinnah]

From nearly the get go, I've put DD2 down when she was drowsy but still awake. As much as I love my little darlings, I need to have time to myself to get things done. I don't want to have to hold her the entire nap, or even wear her the entire nap.

Because we've worked on this since the beginning, I'm able to just lay her down at her first sign of being ready for a nap/bedtime and she'll put herself right down. We have this down to a T so precisely that I know that, any time she protests, she's truly not tired. When she's ready to sleep, she doesn't let out a squeak when I lay her down.

Exactly the same. Both DS have learnt to self settle from early on with no cc or cio. Now i just put them down and walk out the room and off they go to sleep by themselves. Both have been excellent sleepers. Sleep 7-7.

Is your baby bottle or breastfed? How did you train them to do this?

 

[Ecoden]

I logged in to ask a very similar question! Sorry if this is highjacking but will babies eventually just fall asleep when put down drowsy on their own or is sleep training the only way to do this? I am not against sleep training in general but I don't want to do it. I'm worried though that if I never do it that she'll never fall asleep on her own. DD is almost 4 mo.

 

[AK89]

I logged in to ask a very similar question! Sorry if this is highjacking but will babies eventually just fall asleep when put down drowsy on their own or is sleep training the only way to do this? I am not against sleep training in general but I don't want to do it. I'm worried though that if I never do it that she'll never fall asleep on her own. DD is almost 4 mo.

Sleep training is definitely not necessary and studies have shown that it can cause neurological/psychological damage to your baby. Your baby will eventually fall asleep on her own, so long as you let her depend on you in her early years as she builds her confidence and trust in the outside world I know how easy it is to feel bad about "making a rod for your own back" and all that but to be honest that's all nonsense. Your baby needs you to comfort her while she's little so lap it up 'cause there'll soon come a day when she won't need you quite as much (EVEN for sleep!) and you'll look back on these times fondly.

 

[AK89]

From nearly the get go, I've put DD2 down when she was drowsy but still awake. As much as I love my little darlings, I need to have time to myself to get things done. I don't want to have to hold her the entire nap, or even wear her the entire nap.

Because we've worked on this since the beginning, I'm able to just lay her down at her first sign of being ready for a nap/bedtime and she'll put herself right down. We have this down to a T so precisely that I know that, any time she protests, she's truly not tired. When she's ready to sleep, she doesn't let out a squeak when I lay her down.

Exactly the same. Both DS have learnt to self settle from early on with no cc or cio. Now i just put them down and walk out the room and off they go to sleep by themselves. Both have been excellent sleepers. Sleep 7-7.

Is your baby bottle or breastfed? How did you train them to do this?

I'd also love to know the answer to this!

 

[Ecoden]

I logged in to ask a very similar question! Sorry if this is highjacking but will babies eventually just fall asleep when put down drowsy on their own or is sleep training the only way to do this? I am not against sleep training in general but I don't want to do it. I'm worried though that if I never do it that she'll never fall asleep on her own. DD is almost 4 mo.

Sleep training is definitely not necessary and studies have shown that it can cause neurological/psychological damage to your baby. Your baby will eventually fall asleep on her own, so long as you let her depend on you in her early years as she builds her confidence and trust in the outside world I know how easy it is to feel bad about "making a rod for your own back" and all that but to be honest that's all nonsense. Your baby needs you to comfort her while she's little so lap it up 'cause there'll soon come a day when she won't need you quite as much (EVEN for sleep!) and you'll look back on these times fondly.

My instincts for my baby confirms what you're saying but as a FTM I just hear horror stories about how when they get to 6 mo you'll wish you'd taught them to sleep on their own. She's not a terrible sleeper in general but takes cat naps and I have heard that it could be because she's not going to sleep on her own?? I really don't think I could even do cio or cc (no judgement for those who can) and she's really not bad enough to even consider it. It usually only takes her less than 5 min to fall asleep with our help.

 

[AK89]

Even most of the people who support sleep training say to wait til 6mo so if your LO is younger than that it's not advised at all! And for many reasons I would never sleep train a baby. I can post a number of articles that would back up my reasoning if you like? I'm just upstairs feeding my LO though so I'll have to wait til I'm downstairs!

 

[AK89]

Do you see her sleeping habits as problematic? Does she seem like doesn't get enough sleep? Some babies just don't nap for very long! Mine has always been a cat napper.

I was honestly where you are now a few months ago, agonising over my LO's 'sleep problems'...and then I realised they weren't really problems at all. She was happy and well rested, it was me that needed to change! So I just eased up a bit and stopped "shoulding" (here's an interesting article on that: https://creativewithkids.com/you-know-what-will-ruin-my-kids/ ) and I've never looked back!

 

[Mushymilkfor2]

That's a lovely article! I've never felt sleep training was right for me either. We're going on 10 months and I still nurse to sleep (some, and by some I mean a lot say that's wrong), I have never put him down drowsy to fall asleep on his own, and I am right there by his side as quickly as I can when he wakes up. It's always felt like what's right for me, and in turn definitely what's right for him.

If during the day he takes a nap and only wants to nap on me, I guess I'm sitting binging on some netflix while he sleeps away. My house is a mess, dishes need to be done, my husband and I are running low on clean clothes, but the baby is happy so we are happy.

Up until 2 weeks ago we Co slept, and would still very happily do so if I wasn't expecting another baby in January so I felt it was time to move him to his own bed. This time it's only what's right for me, I feel sad that he is having to learn to sleep away from me when he's really not quite ready.

If there's nothing wrong, and you feel what you are doing is right for you then nothing anyone else does, or can do does not make you wrong.

 

[AK89]

I totally agree with everything MushyMilk just said - also CONGRATS on baby number 2!! I do know of a lot of people who cosleep with more than one baby if you feel strongly about it! But obviously do what's right for you

Anyway...at the risk of bombarding you with information Ecoden, here's a few articles that I think you'd be interested in. It might look like a lot to digest but it's definitely worth it!

https://sarahockwell-smith.com/2014...hen-you-teach-a-baby-to-self-soothe-to-sleep/

https://www.itv.com/news/wales/update/2015-05-19/new-research-finds-babies-should-wake-at-night/

https://www.kveller.com/five-reasons-why-mayim-bialik-doesnt-believe-in-sleep-training/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/moral-landscapes/201507/baby-crying-dont-shame-the-parents


In short, the best thing you can do for your baby is to meet her needs and respond to her cues. The most reliable way of ensuring that she grows into a confident, happy, independent little girl is - surprisingly for some - to let her be completely dependent on you in the early years. So many people seem to think attachment parenting (which is basically what I'm referring to) breeds clingy, dependent, needy children but this couldn't be further from the truth. In fact it's quite often the reverse - babies who are sleep trained can go through intense regressions, and parents often have to go back through the whole process from the start, if they have the heart. I am living proof of this! When I was a baby the done thing was CIO. My mum did it with all three of us. Not only did it not work for me (I actually remember standing at my babygate at my bedroom door crying for my mum and dad and trying to climb over), I also think it has played a major role in a lot of the issues that I have today, eg. anxiety, low self esteem. Also I always used to want to go and sleep in my mum's bed, up until I was leaving primary school, which I often wasn't able to do 'cause she often had a boyfriend..

These early days will go by SO quickly, and I for one know I'd rather look back on them knowing that I was always there for her when she needed me rather than just when it suited me, which is essentially what sleep training is. Sorry if this sounds blunt!! It's just hard to sum up my feelings on the matter without doing so!

Here's a link with some general info on attachment parenting and lots more interesting links:

https://www.askdrsears.com/topics/parenting/attachment-parenting

 

[ttc126]

AK, I do agree with you that being there for baby's every need is best. However, moms who choose to sleep train for whatever reason are not doing it because they are only there for their baby when it suits them. We don't live in a perfect world where a lack of sleep is never an issue. I have not done cc or cio but with gently transitioning my youngest to sleeping in his own room in his crib I can definitely say I'm a better mom with more sleep. With him sleeping right next to me, we were both waking each other all night. Now it's not to say that there aren't still nights that he's in with me, but for me (and many other moms) it's a priority to get good sleep after a point. My son is 18lbs+ and did not need to eat 5-10 times a night. I gently taught him that it's no longer the norm.

I really do not think people need to feel guilty about either decision.

It IS possible to have breastfed babies sleeping from 7-7 with zero crying involved. Proper sleep cues (darkness, white noise, snuggle time etc), a good routine all day (not schedule necessarily but flexible routine), and a little patience can all help your baby sleep on their own (if desired) with absolutely no tears or anxiety for them. I recommend Dr Harvey Karps "Happiest Baby Guide to Great Sleep" book for anyone wanting a way to sleep train (for lack of a better word) without the stress and tears.

 

[AK89]

Oh no, I didn't necessarily mean everyone who sleep trains does it for their own convenience! Although sadly some do. But essentially things like CC/CIO show your baby that you are only there for them through the day, and that you are willing to ignore their cries for help. It's still such a common practice despite all the research that's shown the detrimental effects it can have on a child and their bond with their mother. I'm not condemning/shaming the people who do it themselves, unknowingly, or trying to guilt trip anyone. I just think there needs to be a lot more awareness of the reality of sleep training.

The book you've mentioned sounds interesting; I loved The Happiest Baby on the Block. I'll have to look into that!

I know it's POSSIBLE for a breastfed baby to sleep through the night from 7-7, it's just highly unlikely without sleep training, which with breastfed babies in particular is not advisable. I think it's reading things like that that pushes parents into thinking that they need to alter their sleeping arrangements to meet unrealistic and unlikely standards.. so many people fight to change their baby's sleeping habits even though in reality what their baby is doing is perfectly normal! I was one of these people until I did a LOT of reading on the subject and realised how normal it is for all babies, and even toddlers, to wake during the night.

I'm honestly not here to judge or guilt trip people who choose to sleep train. I just think it's so important for people to have all the information they need to make an informed decision on what's best for their baby. Sadly so many choices are made as a result of lack of awareness of the dangers of and the damage that can be done by sleep training methods that involve crying, and of the actual norms surrounding babies' sleeping habits.

This is why I like to give people advice like this; NOT to judge/condemn people who sleep train or have done in the past! So many parents I've spoken to have said they did all their research after already trying stuff like CC/CIO (usually when their baby regresses and they have to start back at square one) and they all say how much they wish they'd known before trying it, so raising awareness is essential I think.

Have you read the Gentle Sleep Book? It's amazing and it's only a couple of quid on the Kindle (which you can get an app on your phone for) I'd highly recommend it

 

[ttc126]

Thanks I will look into that book! I do agree with you on the parents I know who did cc or cio. I have one friend whose 2 year old still screams himself to sleep every night and they have done cc from 6 months. I do not want my babies screaming and upset over bedtime!

Like I said in a previous post, my first was EASY! He literally just started sleeping through on his own! With my new little guy it took weeks of tweaking his schedule....offering a few extra feeds in the evening, playing with bedtimes to find the perfect one for him, experimenting with routines before bed (turns out baths excite him too much haha). But he is now sleeping 7pm to 5am. I get him up at the first sign of fussing and feed him and most of the time he eats and goes back to sleep until 7 or 8am. But we didn't even start working on it until he was 5 months old and there was no crying. If he was the slightest upset over a change, he'd be back with me for the night. And like I said it's been a weeks long process of gentle sleep adjustment and I really hate when well meaning people too told me "all it takes is 3 nights of cio!" ummm no.

I do especially agree with you about how they're only little once and we should enjoy them and the late night snuggles. It sounds like you're a really great mom. I really wish I could be a little more laid back on the sleep, but for us I really needed to do something as my baby, my toddler, and my sanity were all suffering from lack of sufficient rest! 2 under 2 is very full on and man routine and sleep is key for us!