sleep troubles and cio

[PocoHR]

How does everyone here feel about crying it out? I keep going back and forth about it. I hate the feeling of it, but I would love to be able to put my son down and have him sleep. If it works, is it ultimately better? Bedtime is getting really difficult and long. I don't mind if he fusses a little before he sleeps, but often when we've tried CIO he sobs and seems panicked and I can't cope with that. I always pick him up when he seems like that. What does everyone else do? Should I just let him sob until he sleeps? We do go in at intervals and check on him, but the checking seems to only make things worse, he gets really upset seeing us and not being picked up. I'm exhausted and stressed and don't know what to do anymore. I'm taking any and all advice...

 

[SarahBear]

I am not a supporter of cry it out. Sometimes babies do need to cry, but they shouldn't be left to cry from distress until they pass out from exhaustion. In terms of whether or not it's ultimately better, that depends on what your goal is. Yes it will be easier on your side once the kid learns you won't respond, but I don't think it's better on the child's side.

 

[sil]

I think it depends on the baby too. My DS1 would get very distressed if you left him to cry, so I did not let him cry it out. My DS2 always cries for about 2 minutes before any bed or nap time but he is not distressed. He actually is more upset and cries longer if I am in trying to comfort or sing to him. I almost think it's his way of winding down and getting out his last burst of energy if that makes sense.

 

[Loozle]

I'm also not a fan of cio, it just teaches them that no-one is going to come to them when they cry, imo. How do you currently get him to sleep?

 

[DannaD]

I think that if it's what it takes for you to be a better, more relaxed mommy during the day, just do it :/
Obviously it's not for everyone, but I wouldn't judge a mom who does it.

 

[Button#]

Personally not a fan, but I was happy to accept that and cuddle them to sleep. My DS got to the point of being left to go to sleep naturally and I'm still cuddling DD to sleep.

It doesn't sound like you're completely on board with it and it will be harder on both of you if you're going back and forth whichever way you choose. If you choose to cio and keep stopping then they are going to take longer to 'learn' to self settle. If you cuddle to sleep the idea is you're building up their sense of security so they eventually can trust that you'll be there if they need you. They won't get that sense of security if you keep pulling the rug out from under them and trying crying methods.

 

[jessmke]

I personally don't think CIO is something I could ever do. I just can't imagine crying so hard I feel asleep out of sheer exhaustion.

 

[zorak]

I have used CIO with both my boys abd it was absolutely the right decision for us as a family. Within days both boys went down awake and happy and woke from a better sleep than they'd had in a long time.

But, I didn't do it until each child was nearly 1. If you are going to do it stick with it resolutely. I found going in upset them more so I stayed out. The first night it did take a while but after about night 3 he was much more settled.

Make the decision that is right for you.

 

[PocoHR]

What I do now is that I nurse him and if he lets me lay him down and stays asleep, that is great, he just sleeps. If he wakes up, I'll let him fuss a little, and hope he drifts off after the fussing, which he does sometimes. Other times, he is too awake or whatever and he sobs and gets really very upset. This I can't deal with. When he seems panicky and terribly upset, I just pick him up and then rock him to sleep. I don't really want him to learn that I won't come in when he's very stressed, you know? On the other hand, the rocking to sleep thing gets kind of long, and I don't want to be still doing it when he's two. At some point, he's going to have to sleep on his own, in a bed, and I wonder, is it better that he starts now? I've also had a lot of friends say that they did cio and it worked beautifully and now their kids sleep through the night and wake up rested and happy and that just sounds so appealing. I'm very torn though, it really stinks. DH is more in favor of CIO, but I would rather just cuddle him when he's very upset. I don't know... I'm also sick this week and exhausted, so the idea of sleep sounds extra good I think. Its just tough :/

 

[MindUtopia]

I think if it makes you feel uncomfortable, then don't do it. Your discomfort and anxiety will only transfer to him and it will make sleep because a stressful, distressing time (on top of the fact that you're leaving him to cry). Trust your gut. If you feel it's not right for you, it probably isn't.

Speaking from my own experience, we never did any sort of sleep training. Our daughter co-slept with us from birth and in fact slept every nap on my chest until she was 8 months old. She was literally a baby who could never be put down. As she got older, she gradually got used to the idea of sleeping on her own. By 11 months, she was happy to be put down awake and to go to sleep on her own with no fuss or crying. It just happened when it was time. She's 3 now and still we've never done any sleep training. She sleeps in her own bed, has a cup of milk and a cuddle with me before bed, sometimes we might read a book, then she crawls into bed and goes to sleep on her own. It's lovely and peaceful and we've never had to stress out about bedtimes. They really do figure it out on their own when it's time and it doesn't have to be upsetting for either of you. At 6 months though, she was still fed to sleep and that worked well for us, so I don't think you necessarily need to stress about if you don't get him sleeping independently now, it will never happen. It will. I would just wait until it's easier and let it happen when it's time.

 

[noon_child]

My LO would get so hysterical I couldn't see how cry it out would work. How can you go to sleep once you have all that adrenalin running through your system. Plus I never really understood "when you know nothing is wrong you can leave them" - er how do you know nothing is wrong? The one time I tried CC (when she was about 1yr) I came back to the room after the 10 minute interval and realised LOs nappy was soiled. Because I hadn't been "allowed" to pick her up I have no idea how long she'd been lying there screaming in a soiled nappy. Poor love fell asleep on the changing mat, she was so relieved to have me pick her up and care for her!

I know some babies are more grizzlers and go to sleep after a bit of fussing, so I can see CIO being more attractive in that situation, but the full blown hysterical screaming for me was just not something I thought I wanted associated with sleep.

My LO also suffered with not being able to sleep if she was overtired. For something like CIO or CC she would have become overtired halfway through and that would have made it even worse.

 

[ruby83]

I have heard success stories with CIO too, but I have to wonder if it is just the baby "giving up" because they think no one is coming

I get very anxious when my kids cry so it doesn't really work for me. That being said, I remember when my DS1 was a baby and one night I was so exhausted and mentally drained when he was going through a screaming at night phase, I had to leave the room to get water and panadol and when I returned he had settled himself! Like the other ladies have said you really have to do what is right for you. If you give lots of cuddles and attention, I don't think it would be detrimental to them to CIO for a bit...

Good luck! Exhaustion sucks and is not good for mum or bub

 

[zorak]

I have heard success stories with CIO too, but I have to wonder if it is just the baby "giving up" because they think no one is coming

I get very anxious when my kids cry so it doesn't really work for me. That being said, I remember when my DS1 was a baby and one night I was so exhausted and mentally drained when he was going through a screaming at night phase, I had to leave the room to get water and panadol and when I returned he had settled himself! Like the other ladies have said you really have to do what is right for you. If you give lots of cuddles and attention, I don't think it would be detrimental to them to CIO for a bit...

Good luck! Exhaustion sucks and is not good for mum or bub

Honestly I don't view it as the baby giving up. It really did work for us. I was thinking just tonight what a change we have with my almost 1 year old. He had his milk and cuddle as normal in his room. Then I was able to put him down and grab a couple of things out the room. Before I'd even left he just looked up smiled at me then rolled over into his preferred position.

I honestly think learning how to get to sleep is a skill some babies need to learn. It took mine just days.

 

[broodymrs]

Is he 6 months old? I'd say that's too young for cio. We did gradual retreat and that worked quite well. Perhaps speak to your HV? Remember he's still very young to be sleeping through too. I know it doesn't feel like it when you're exhausted though

 

[george83]

My now 2 1/2 year old has been a terrible sleeper from a young age. I whole heartedly believe you do what is right for you as a family to make you a stronger unit and lack of sleep literally took over my life at one point, I was getting 3-4 hours sleep a night, night after night and getting to sleep myself was all I thought about.

I tried cio when my lo was nearer 2 so much older than your lo and it never; he'd cry so much he'd end up making himself sick and get more attention that way. I found laying on the floor next to his cot and just saying the same thing over and over again was the only thing that helped him settle. But I couldn't ever give in and change what I said or what I was doing because that would just lengthen how long it took to get him to sleep.

 

[zorak]

My now 2 1/2 year old has been a terrible sleeper from a young age. I whole heartedly believe you do what is right for you as a family to make you a stronger unit and lack of sleep literally took over my life at one point, I was getting 3-4 hours sleep a night, night after night and getting to sleep myself was all I thought about.

I tried cio when my lo was nearer 2 so much older than your lo and it never; he'd cry so much he'd end up making himself sick and get more attention that way. I found laying on the floor next to his cot and just saying the same thing over and over again was the only thing that helped him settle. But I couldn't ever give in and change what I said or what I was doing because that would just lengthen how long it took to get him to sleep.

Yes I think past about 15 months most babies are too old for CIO to work properly.

 

[Larkspur]

I didn't and couldn't do it with either of mine (both bad sleepers) although at times I felt desperate enough that I wished I could.

Having said that, I am not sure that CIO is a permanent way to solve sleep problems. I have several friends who have used it and they've had to repeat it multiple times after holidays, sickness, etc. Another friend had her child successfully sleeping through at three months using it, but once he got to about two, he became hellishly bedtime resistant and every night for nearly two years now bedtime has been a 2-3 hour battle.

I had to wait till 15 months and 20 months before my kids started sleeping through reliably, but they are - touch wood - absolute champion sleepers now. Easy to put to bed, sleep through like dreams (except when sick, but once they're well, they are straight back to normal).

It feels like such a long time to tough it out, especially with your first when you have no previous frame of reference, but I do think that it's worth it to keep attending to their needs.

 

[lhancock90]

My first baby slept brilliantly, my second slept in my arm every night, after screaming for a couple of hours. There where nights when i considered it, nights where we had literally no sleep and i cried most of the next day but i waited it out and not much after her first birthday, she was in her own bed, sleeping like a trooper, she does wake up sometimes still at nearly 4, but mostly, shes fine. Im only saying that so you know that sometimes, as awful as it feels, waiting it out and sacrificing a year of sleep, does work.
6 months is the bare minimum youngest age for CIO, i dont really agree with it (i'm in the baby learns that nobody will come camp) but i would say, if you do it, you leave them literally for a few minutes before going in, settling and repeating.
Whatever you decide, i really hope things improve soon, lack of sleep is a form of torture for a reason, xx

 

[weedle]

I did full cio with my eldest and a bit of cc with my youngest (who despite the colic was a much better self settler/sleeper). Me and my partner both work full time in jobs that we need to be on the ball with so being up all night (unless they are sick) just doesn't fly in our house once my mat leave has finished

 

[mandy81]

I would never judge a mother for doing it but it something i would never do with Ryan.
In saying that i have 3 children and they all settle and sleep well every night x