smacking.... not by me lol!! what to do??

[beckybumpbaby]

ok so Hollie has always been a beautiful little girl who would not hurt a fly, she is very timid around anyone and it takes her at least half an hour to go and play if we are somewhere of unfamiliar surroundings, anyway just lately i have noticed she has been acting funny towards me and her daddy, she walks up to us while we are sitting having dinner or watching tv and smacks us on the legs or arms, and its not a strong smack or spiteful but she makes a sound like ... mmmmm while she is doing it, earlier on i was bathing her and she was splashing and got some in her eyes, i wiped it for her and she smacked me in the face - purposly -

i have never hit and never would hit her, i am not sure if it has anything to do with my friends little boy who has hit her he is 2 months older but i put a stop to it and she cried as it obviously hurt or shocked her but that was at least a month ago and she has only just started doing it, plus i would think if it hurt her she would realise and not do it to anyone else.

sorry this is a long thread but i just wondered if it was a phase and how do i go about stopping her any advice would be good, i have tried sitting her away from me when she does it, saying u hurt mummy now say sorry which she does, shouting, but other than that i am at my witts end!!

thank you in advance

 

[shazzybear8]

I wish i could help you! But I have a 10mth old who bites dont no if he meaningly does it or its just something to bite on cause he has teeth coming in. Plus he doesnt take a telling when i tell him not to touch he now turns round to see if we are looking before he starts to pick up the stones in my fire and eat them.... people tell me its just a phase they go through.... so hope your is one and mines lol.....

 

[beckybumpbaby]

yes i think it is a phase as my little girl took to chewing her books, the nice hard ones they are not meant to be able to ruin lol!! she still does it if she is cutting a tooth, i used to put a peeled and washed fresh carrot (whole) in the freezer over night and let her gnaw on that during the next day it helped wonders! xx

 

[trishawootton]

have you tried sitting her somewhere for about a minute and a half and ignoring her sounds horrible but my sister does it with my neice who is to and it seems to work... explain to her that she hurt you and make her say sorry till go and get her after the minute n half you find she will have calmed down and really mean she is sorry... also if she moves from where you put her just put her back but dont speak to her and start the time over again... it sounds cruel but it does work

 

[Chel]

This may not help but I've got a friend who has about a 14 month old girl who's just started smacking her mum and her older sisters. I"ve seen her do it, and it sometimes looks really on purpose, she aims for the face and then smiles coyly afterwards. Her mum is also shocked and a bit unsettled by her behavior as she's not sure where its coming from.

I suspect its a bit of testing the boundries, I think she's almost doing it to see when she'll get into trouble - which is really normal and healthy process children go through in different stages... deep down inside, they really want to be told firmly "stop", because they feel safer knowing what they can and cant do.

Take or leave this advise, this is just what I would have done while working in childcare (and I'm pretty sure I'll do it when Jasper is older) When she does it, dont react just pick her up and move her to the other side of the room, facing away from you, put her down on her bottom and get down to her level and say "stop" firmly. If she tries to get up or move away immediately pick her up a bit and put her back down on her bottom and say "stop" again (try the hand up in a 'stop' signal as well). Give her a few minutes (depending on her age, but I'd aim for about 5 minutes) to sit on her own and then go over to her, get down to her level and tell her very firmly that its not nice to hit mummy, ask her to apologise and then hugs.

In a way, and its horrible, if she starts crying when you do it, you're in the right direction, there was nothing more frustrating when I was working than a child who just couldn't care less about being in trouble!

If it doesn't work, try moving her further away (another room, but where you can still see her) or leaving her longer to sit.

Its pretty basic, but I found it worked with 90% of children if we did it really consistantly.

ALSO important to keep in mind, the subconscious mind cant understand negatives, and children most of the time dont act consciously, so when you say to a child "dont hit mummy" all they can take in is "hit mummy" when you say "no" it often doesn't even register. "stop" in itself is an action (well, the action of doing nothing...) so it works better than saying "no". It tooks MONTHS of working in childcare to reprogram my language to say "remember to walk carefully" than to say "dont run around!" or rather than saying "dont throw your spoon!" say "spoons stay on the table" etc etc etc

Another way to use positive lanuage to your advantage, if there is a particularly situation where she might hit you - as you said on the couch - when you sit on the couch say to her "remember, when we sit on the couch we keep our hands to ourselves" and little ones need reminding and reinforcing often, so if you're watching tv, maybe at every ad break say "thank you for keeping your hands to yourself, its very nice to sit with you" and give her cuddles.

 

[beckybumpbaby]

thats brilliant advice, i used to be a nanny in a nursery but when its your own you sort of forget what to do with them!!

i tried the sitting in the corner of the room away from me and she screamed so i told her firmly stop and she said sorry mummy and gave me a hug, although 5 mins later she did the same thing but i did it again and she has not done it since yesterday so i am thinking i will keep on top of that advice, thanks very much. and again i forgot about the negative wording i remember being taught that now you have said it!!

it seems cruel when i put her there and she cries i just want to hug her better but i give her a hug when she says sorry, she is only 20 months so i leave her for one minute at the momet and thats a struggle getting her to sit still for that amount of time lol!!

 

[trishawootton]

i did childcare too and its amazing what you forget when you have your own child lol