so afraid of everything after previous loss!

[A.P.]

I feel like I'm going insane with worry....I had a early mc in Jnauary... and got PG again in February so Im so freaked out over everything!! Im so afraid I will do something wrong and lose this baby as well! I'm having a very hard time even admitting to myself that this will result in a child...I dont want to jinx anything!! (stupid I know) Im 13+6 weeks now from lmp and I listen to LO's heartbeat every morning which helps ...Im still so afraid to let my guard down just in case...i thought it would get better after 12 weeks but its just not is anybody else going through this?

 

[katerdid]

I am. I had a MMC that I found out about at 11 weeks (baby died around 9 weeks) and I worry about everything little thing.

I really hope it gets better. I feel like maybe after I can feel movement it'll be less scary.

 

[A.P.]

it is SO HARD im constantly freaking out about everything ive become sooo OCD with hand washing and food prep...all that stuff freaks me right out. go on ebay and buy a fetal doppler!! i did that and use it every morning and thats really the only thing that eases my anxieties...its so nice to be able to hear that thump thump every day and be reassured the lil one is still alive in there. having a mmc would be soo hard i can imagine the anxiety the next pregnancy would bring!

 

[Butterflygirl]

I completely understand. No matter how much I want to be optimistic I just can't see myself holding a live baby at the end of this. My DH is getting really mad at my 'defeatist attitude' but I'm just so frightened of being even more hurt if I just assume everything will be fine. I'm worried I might be getting a tad bit of depression if I'm honest.

 

[A.P.]

That's how I am too! And people get mad at me saying I "look for reasons to worry" but I really cant help it... I dont want to be caught off guard if something were to happen...and even more than that I dont want something to happen because of something I did wrong. I just feel like I cant win... I try to keep my anxiety level down but I really have very little control over it and then I have family (my mom mostly) telling me oh dont worry its fine...its fine... women have healthy babies every day...and it doesnt help AT ALL because women lose babies every day too...i know its less common (especially as I am almost 15 weeks...i know the risks are low) but it still happens and all it takes is a fraction of a percent chance to make me worry...

 

[Butterball Ma]

Had a mmc at 18 wks...we don't know how to be carefree anymore. Honestly, it almost doesn't feel real this time. My poor husband is so happy but afraid he's gonna jinx us this time, so he's very cautious and I think trying to not get attached. I was attached before I even knew about this baby for sure. We have ultrasounds every 2 wks, which are a blessing and a curse and I hold my breath each time until I see that tiny heartbeat. Every pinch, pull and cramp is driving me nuts, expecting it to be bad. Ugh. Hopefully we all have babies to hold at the end of this...

 

[A.P.]

I know what you mean with the feelings driving you nuts... last night I was having such bad pulling cramps on either side with lower back pain and although everything I read says "thats round ligament pain" theres still that place in my head that tells me to check my underwear every 5 minutes... its sooo hard...a mmc would be absolutely heartbreaking but hey youre around 13 weeks now so the risks are down....im 15 weeks today and i know the risks are low but it doesnt help...theres still that small percent chance so i will keep my guard up... you might want to look into purchasing a doppler i always tell ppl that because mine has been great for my stress... i just put it on my belly...move it to find baby...i hear the thump thump and turn it off...every morning i use it for 1-3 minutes and it helps a lot... gives me that reassurance I need for another 24 hrs.