So angry at MIL

[misspriss]

I am so angry, and it is getting worse, at MIL. MIL watches LO when I am at work. She used to watch him at our house, but started taking LO to her house for some part of the day a month or so ago.

I bought a Kiindle Kozie bottle warmer because it is the only one I have found that doesn't get too hot. I paid a lot for it, for good reason. It is extremely important that the breastmilk not be damaged by high heat.

So come to find out, MIL bought a regular steam bottle warmer for her house. It gets the milk so hot she pours it into a second bottle because the bottle gets too hot to hold.

I am SO FURIOUS. She knew how much I paid for the one I did, because it was IMPORTANT to me to have one that didn't damage my milk. She has basically been robbing my son of the nutrients in his milk because she "didn't think it was important enough" or some other hogwash like that. I am absolutely livid, because she DID know. How hard would it be just to take the little appliance with her if she is going to be taking the baby back and forth?

The more I think about it the more angry I get. I am hurt and angry. I spend so much time and effort making sure my LO gets my milk, it is refrigerated properly, the bottles are clean and they are glass, and she goes and just practically boils it and kills everything?!?!?!

 

[Mum2BKW]

I would also be furious. If she can't do things the way you ask her to do them, I would be trying to find an alternative arrangement for my son's care during the day.

 

[misspriss]

I would also be furious. If she can't do things the way you ask her to do them, I would be trying to find an alternative arrangement for my son's care during the day.

I would love to, but honestly, she isn't the malicious type. I really just think she didn't realize it was important? I guess I am mad that she didn't consider the fact that I bought a special one for a reason to be reason enough not to just go to babies r us and pick up the cheapest one.

I really don't feel like she had any bad intent, but I am still so angry. And it's hard, because I do know she means well, but I feel like she has practically ruined my milk I worked so hard on for the past month. And if she hadn't just casually mentioned it in conversation, I might not have ever known.

I really wish she would stay at our house. Then it would be easy. Also, she does it for free, we can't really afford anything else and have no other family to help, as my mother is no longer with us and both my sisters work.

 

[misspriss]

Okay, so it was resolved in a rather diplomatic manner. Thanks for letting me rant it out here guys, that way I was able to stay clear headed and reasonable when talking to MIL

 

[Toms Mummy]

Why dont you buy another for mil house? X

 

[misspriss]

I was going to suggest that, if she wanted to continue using it. I should elaborate on our diplomatic solution:

I asked her about it. Turns out, she warms an empty bottle a little, then pours cold milk into it - to knock the chill off. She doesn't put the milk in the hot bottle warmer (although she may have in the past).

We are trying to teach LO to drink from a cup instead of a bottle, it is time to buy knew calma teats and those are freaking expensive, so at 7 months, we have decided it is time to try him on a cup. He drinks water from a glass with a travel lid, so we offered him milk the same way.

Our compromise is to try and get him to take his milk in the cup chilled or room temp, as opposed to warming it up for him. Either leave it out for a few minutes before feeding him (he takes 1-2 oz at a time, so it will warm a bit quickly) or even try it chilled. If he will drink it, we can do away with the warmer entirely! Since we are already changing things for him, I think he will be okay. She said yesterday she didn't warm a single bottle, he took them all cool/room temp.

Before we talked about it, I planned to buy another one for her house, but I don't have a loose enough budget I can just spend $75 on whim, we're stretched pretty thin. It would have to be a planned purchase, so we would have to make do somehow between that time.

 

[Calif]

Good to see it was resolved. We're here for you to vent so you don't vent on your loved ones

I don't think warming is a big deal because I have to scald my milk anyway. (If I don't use it in 2-3 days)
Most of the nutrients are still there.

 

[misspriss]

Well, I researched heating milk. Some reasarch said that over 104F (hot tub warm) starts damaging it, and 120F+ (generally low or med hot water heater setting) really damages it. But sometimes scalding milk is necessary, so it isn't the end of the world, also milk banks pasteurize, but it is definitely not preferable when you don't need to.