So excited for this baby, but still missing my angel :(

[tcinks]

I am at 18 weeks right now , and everything is going great! So excited to meet our rainbow in November! We had a gender reveal party for family Saturday and it was so nice to celebrate our little princess.

But there was also sadness. I lost my little Ronen when I was 13 weeks. He never got to have any parties in his honor, never got the excitement that all our friends and family are feeling now. It isn't fair. And then if I begin to think "Why couldn't we keep him?" Or "Why did it have to happen?" ...I realize that if not, then we wouldn't have the baby growing in me now. Would I go back and change things (if it were possible) knowing it would mean choosing between having one child or the other?

I don't know if any of that makes sense, or if anyone is having similar feelings. Pregnancy after a loss is just such an emotional journey. I'm thankful for this site, because without all the ladies I've met here, I'm sure it would be even tougher. None of my family and friends really know what I'm going through. It's like now that I'm pregnant again, the miscarriage didn't happen. But it did. And I will always miss my little angel.

 

[Fit_Mama2Be]

I understand how you feel. I lost my son during week 14 and I will never forget and never stop thinking of how unfair it is that he didn't get to be born.

Ironically before I read your post I had just finished playing the last video of DH and me listening to his heartbeat before he passed away. This is the first time I've been able to play it since we lost him. So hard knowing that at the time he had only 2 days left to live.

I'm sorry I don't have anything more comforting to say (I still miss my son everyday and am a hormonal pregnant mess to boot) but I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone.

Congratulations on your rainbow baby.

 

[Heather.1987]

.

 

[flou]

I had two losses before having my son. I managed to get pregnant with my rainbow before my would have been due date. I wouldn't of had him if I hadn't had lost my other two angels. I love my son so much and I am so grateful for him, as I went through so much to get him. But I still miss my angels and I think I always will. I found it extremely humbling and emotional when I heard my rainbows heartbeat on the one year anniversary of my previous loss. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy!

 

[jumpingo]

i can't say anything more eloquent than what the others have already posted...just want to say i was getting emotional about this very thing a couple days ago.

 

[tcinks]

Thanks for your responses ladies. This is just such a hard thing, and I don't have a lot of people in my life who understand. I'm so grateful for my little girl, I also got pregnant with her before my would have been due date. Can't wait to have her in my arms!

 

[pinkpassion]

I understand about people in your life not understanding. .. and when I mention my "loss" people change the subject, I feel it makes them uncomfortable .. but it's sad because it was a life and a precious one that needs to be remembered . . I have a precious rainbow baby after 3 losses and I know I wouldn't have her if I'd had my others but I still miss them, but I'm so thankful for her!!! Now I'm pregnant again and going through a lot of the fears that pregnancy brings and it's like people are either not wanting to discuss any bad things or they judge me for having announced so early because of my "history " and "we really don't know how this ones going to end", yes I've had that said to me ... all that to say, some people just don't get it.. and never will , unfortunately , not that I'd wish a miscarriage on anyone , I just wincompassionatr incompassionate people would understand ....