So heartbroken and don't know what to do

[EmpireBiscuit]

2 weeks ago today we found out at the 20w ultrasound that our son A had passed, we were almost 21 weeks, no signs of anything gone wrong, but he had died (Harmony test had showed a perfectly healthy little boy).

Was induced and gave birth, and then had to have some traumatic surgery to remove placenta (my BP had spiked so high they couldn't use the most effective medication to release and instead had to give me spine blocker and operate). So the night we had with A in the hospital I was quite out of it on meds and spinal block so we only got one picture.

Since then I've been struggling, partner had to go back to work last week so I'm left alone with my awful thoughts 12 hours a day. Been back and forward to doctor for anti-depressants and sleeping pills as was having flashbacks and unable to sleep, finally got something on Friday that knocks me out. My own family doctor has been on sick leave for 6 months now so I get random locums every time. And, despite the hospital phoning and getting all this stuff on my file, the doctor surgery STILL sent me a letter on Friday about my pregnancy

I'm starting counselling today but really at a loss what to do with myself, my body is too broken to get out and do stuff.

Only two of my friends have bothered coming to see me, and my poor partner is probably supppressing his emotions to support me.

I just don't know what to do.

 

[Andypanda6570]

I am so sorry for your loss It is just an unimaginable pain to go through and you never understand it, till it happens to you..I lost my precious Ava at 22 weeks on March 3, 2011... I am better now, but it was a struggle, I am not going to lie to you...We just take it one day at a time, I promise you it does get better the pain and the crying, but it will always be with you, forever.. I think every woman is different when she finally comes to peace with it, for me it was almost 2 years..Just take one day at a time, cry when you need, don't hide it..Go with your feelings, don't let anyone tell you different.. There is a lot of "Know It All' out there, they don't know and never will, so they should not be advising us on how to deal with this pain...I am so sorry, I wish the pain in your heart eases and I pray peace comes to you.. Whenever you need a friend I am here..XOXOXO Andrea

 

[mummy2o]

I am so sorry for you loss. I lost my son Christmas eve last year. I was a total wreck for days. I had to remain strong for my son and daughter, but it was hard. Especially when everyone who thought was suppose to support me said all the usual, its probably for the best, there was probably something wrong with him. There wasn't anything wrong with him, I got sick. The best line of my favourite song is roughly translates to if you want to cry about it. As andy said don't let anyone tell you how you feel, as no one but you knows. There isn't a wrong or right feeling. But I found keeping busy was a great distracting. Apparently they taught depressed people to knit and it really benefited them, although don't go and start knitting if you don't want to. Take your time and do things for you. Are you having a funeral for your son?

 

[EmpireBiscuit]

We're awaiting the post mortem and then we'll have something for him.

It feels like other people get pregnant and have babies and all I get is a little white box.

Spoke to my partner last night, he told me that he got an overdue reminder in his email for our 20 weeks scan and it just about destroyed him but he had to try and keep it together because he was at work.

Decided not to visit my parents this week, they kept asking, but right now, if I want to go back to bed and howl for an hour I can, can't do that at their place.

 

[Andypanda6570]

We're awaiting the post mortem and then we'll have something for him.

It feels like other people get pregnant and have babies and all I get is a little white box.

Spoke to my partner last night, he told me that he got an overdue reminder in his email for our 20 weeks scan and it just about destroyed him but he had to try and keep it together because he was at work.

Decided not to visit my parents this week, they kept asking, but right now, if I want to go back to bed and howl for an hour I can, can't do that at their place.

It's the worst to get reminders. I got so much stuff in the mail after Ava passed, coupons and offers..... I was heartbroken... I remember the first time I had to go to the store, what do I see? A fully pregnant woman, I had to run out of the store and cried my eyes out in my car...

I just want to tell you, this is ALL normal.. Not wanting to see anyone pregnant, not being around babies, not going to showers or birthdays or whatever party .. Not being thrilled when a family member or friend or even an acquaintance get/is pregnant... You just can't be around it, even though you want the best for whoever, you can't be around it .. It is totally normal, so don't feel like it isn't.. When you loose a baby it isn't just the grieving that comes with it, so much other stuff also. I felt like I was going crazy, until I read here and realized it's total normal.. So go at your own pace and like I said DO NOT listen to the other people's comments or them saying you should get over it, you never will, but you will be ok with it,( Meaning acceptance ) in time..XOXOXOOXOXO

 

[mummy2o]

We're awaiting the post mortem and then we'll have something for him.

It feels like other people get pregnant and have babies and all I get is a little white box.

Spoke to my partner last night, he told me that he got an overdue reminder in his email for our 20 weeks scan and it just about destroyed him but he had to try and keep it together because he was at work.

Decided not to visit my parents this week, they kept asking, but right now, if I want to go back to bed and howl for an hour I can, can't do that at their place.

It's the worst to get reminders. I got so much stuff in the mail after Ava passed, coupons and offers..... I was heartbroken... I remember the first time I had to go to the store, what do I see? A fully pregnant woman, I had to run out of the store and cried my eyes out in my car...

I just want to tell you, this is ALL normal.. Not wanting to see anyone pregnant, not being around babies, not going to showers or birthdays or whatever party .. Not being thrilled when a family member or friend or even an acquaintance get/is pregnant... You just can't be around it, even though you want the best for whoever, you can't be around it .. It is totally normal, so don't feel like it isn't.. When you loose a baby it isn't just the grieving that comes with it, so much other stuff also. I felt like I was going crazy, until I read here and realized it's total normal.. So go at your own pace and like I said DO NOT listen to the other people's comments or them saying you should get over it, you never will, but you will be ok with it,( Meaning acceptance ) in time..XOXOXOOXOXO

I've also ran out of places and cried in the car due to someone being pregnant also. Also the same with avoiding all newborn and pregnant people like the plague. I unfollow people who announce they are pregnant on facebook as I just couldn't deal with it. This is all part of grieve and normal. If you named your son maybe use it when your able to or write a letter of all your hopes and dreams you had for him.

 

[sethsmummy]

i am so so sorry for you loss sweetie I would put a complaint in against the doctors surgery. its hard enough for you without getting things like that