SO irritated..... gah.

[im_mi]

So i got into an argument with a NON attachment parenting lady today.

shes a friend of my SIL, she was at her house when i went round there today.

This woman tried to tell me that not only is it GOOD to leave your screaming infant alone in the dark in its cot to teach it to sleep, but that it is ESSENTIAL to good parenting!

.....

I found it really hard not to scream at her! i mean wtf.... even more 'mainstream' parents i know dont go as far as saying that.

i told her that there was a lot of evidence that says that leaving your child to cry repeatedly can cause a multitude of emotional and physical difficulties in later life, including anxiety, eating disorders, depression, attachment disorder digestive issues etc etc etc but she just wouldnt accept it, not at all. I actually managed to stay really calm throughout the whole thing, believe it or not. Even though she told me that my 'still' breastfeeding my son (19mo) was pointless and just an attempt by me to keep him a baby. *rages*

where are her instincts? i dont understand how someone can leave their baby to cry like that. i just... i physicallly cannot do it. It makes me sad that her kids are probably going to grow up as emotionally stunted as she is.

(and this whole conversation happened whilst her previously happily-playing-babe screamed from his pushchair in the hallway. it was nap-time, apparently, and he had been thrust in his pushchair and plugged into his dummy.)

 

[mommyof3co]

Wow I'm sorry!!! I have run into people like that, actually a good friend of mine is like that and it just kills me. I swear her 8mo old spends 95% of her awake time laying in the middle of the floor with a FULL bottle of juice (I'm talking 10oz) in her mouth or a bottle of formula...when one runs out she fills it up with the other. Along with things like what you mentioned. "Luckily" we agree to disagree, unless she asks advice I try and keep my mouth shut and she knows better than to question me on my parenting lol. But if someone like that just started attacking my parenting I wouldn't be able to stay calm like you, I would have completely went off spouting off the tons of FACTS showing how bad that stuff can be.

 

[Lunaty]

There was tv show on not to long ago about 3 main stream different types of parenting.. it was called "Bringing up baby" and it set some goals and compared the different styles and what seemed to work the best for people..

One of them (called the 50s style) recommended both having your baby in his own room and in the cot right away as well as 2 hours outside alone in the pram, as it would promote healthy sleep... this method mentioned letting the baby cry aswell and it was the first routine (out of the 3 styles) to successfully have your baby sleep through the night from 7 till 7...

The other one was 60 style free love one (so basically have the bubs in your room and trust your instincts and the third was natural parenting style (70 style)

Although i dissagree with most of what the 50s style did, i do understand that it has been a mayor way of bringing up children that wont suddenly dissapear..

What bothers me is that she actually told you that you were wrong.. as we all do what we feel is best and no way is considered wrong.. we justhave our own preferences

Id recommend watching the series!!! Maybe you can find it on the internet as it is very very interesting..

 

[kirsten1985]

I swear her 8mo old spends 95% of her awake time laying in the middle of the floor with a FULL bottle of juice (I'm talking 10oz) in her mouth or a bottle of formula...when one runs out she fills it up with the other.

This is my pet hate....It makes me so mad, upset, it almost makes me shake I am so cross at people who do this. I don't know why this gets to me sooo much more than other stuff.

It happens a lot where I live, there are a lot of chav's with babies who go around with a bottle hanging out of their mouths at silly ages, like 3 and 4.

I have trouble hanging around with my friends who have different parenting styles, I usually end up ranting at OH after I have spent time with them. It drives me mad.

I am better keeping myself to myself!! Lol.

 

[Babyshambelle]

It happens a lot where I live, there are a lot of chav's with babies who go around with a bottle hanging out of their mouths at silly ages, like 3 and 4.

Just realised where you live!!! I have moved to Stockport now, but used to live in Chaddesden (probably alongside most of the chavs you speak about here! )
xxxx

 

[kirsten1985]

It happens a lot where I live, there are a lot of chav's with babies who go around with a bottle hanging out of their mouths at silly ages, like 3 and 4.

Just realised where you live!!! I have moved to Stockport now, but used to live in Chaddesden (probably alongside most of the chavs you speak about here! )
xxxx

Lol, I can't wait to move, but we only came here a year ago!

I have never seen so many tracksuit wearing, burberry loving, spitting in the street, yelling outside my house, car abusing, sicking on the pavement chavs in my whole life. I didn't know so many existed! I get soooo many odd looks, I think they are just not used to seeing a dummy-less, bottle-less normally dressed baby in a sling! Argh!

Rant over, lol...

And yeah Chaddesden is not far...

 

[Love Bunny]

Seriously don't even get me started on people in derby I live in the city centre and its just painful to watch some parents with their babies.

We went to the walk in centre the other week cause my OH had an ear infection and there was this hideously chavvy woman with 3 young boys (between 3/6yrs old?) yorping at the top of her voice at them and dragging them around by the collar of their shirts !!! letting them eat copious amounts of sweets and crisps while they were waiting for doc then telling them off for being kids and messing about. DOES THIS WOMAN NOT KNOW ABOUT E NUMBERS???!!!! And they all sounded in terrible health like they had smokers coughs!!! Not the sort of cough i would expect from a child :S I felt really sorry for them

Then secondly there was a white tracksuit chav woman practically RUNNING up and down curbs and pavements with what looked like a teeny tiny preemie baby in a pram (in a bid to pick up some crack on time????!!!) fag in hand wafting it in the poor babies face while trying to stick its dummy in its mouth!! but honestly i'm suprised the baby didn't fall out of the pram she was bashing it around so much

Lastly a quick one: a woman man and their young son (4/5?) walking though town - boy had stopped and was gobbing on the pavement- man laughed and woman shouts "OI COME ON SHIT HEAD"

Nice...

You may have gathered, Derby is full of scum.

As for the OP - I don't think its right that ANYONE should tell you how to parent :S as long as you and your baby are HAPPY and healthy! I'm glad me and my mum were close and not leaving me screaming my face off when she was bringing me up :S what right has anyone got to say - YOUR DOING IT WRONG! if your baby is happy with being cuddled, comforted and breastfed longer?!?

 

[Babyshambelle]

Oooh, loving the Derby love going on here!! Just to point out that not everyone in Derby is bad, and I'm not generalising...but there seems to be a strangely large concentration of parents who are just clueless. I had never seen 'bottle propping' until I went home for the weekend to see my folks and had a trip to the westfield centre they built. I just think its so sad that a baby is seemingly 'in your way' and it is an inconvenience to feed them whilst holding them. Then I went up to the food court and whopped my mommas out and fed Olivia to show them all how it's done! I've never had so many stares!

 

[Kitten]

Lol. I am sick to death of people acting like their baby is an inconvenience - why have one then? People on other forums etc keep telling me that if I don't give my baby any choice but to have a bottle (ie. starve him out) then he'll eventually learn to drink from one or a cup when he's desperate (he currently won't drink EBM from any vessel), and also if I put him down and leave him he'll eventually cry himself to sleep (he'll only sleep on me during the day). It's not like I bitch about not being able to leave him or that he'll only sleep on me, it just comes up in conversation. I knew when I wanted to get pregnant that a baby would take over my life and to be honest not being able to drink or leave him until he weans is no big deal to me, it seems to upset THEM more.

 

[sublime_ivy]

Lol. I am sick to death of people acting like their baby is an inconvenience - why have one then? People on other forums etc keep telling me that if I don't give my baby any choice but to have a bottle (ie. starve him out) then he'll eventually learn to drink from one or a cup when he's desperate (he currently won't drink EBM from any vessel), and also if I put him down and leave him he'll eventually cry himself to sleep (he'll only sleep on me during the day). It's not like I bitch about not being able to leave him or that he'll only sleep on me, it just comes up in conversation. I knew when I wanted to get pregnant that a baby would take over my life and to be honest not being able to drink or leave him until he weans is no big deal to me, it seems to upset THEM more.

I couldnt aggree more, I was explaining to a friend today about wanting to wait for weaning at 6 months for allergies and so I can BLW, she made me feel like a complete idiot and that she would be weaning her baby early as if I was somehow starving dex because i want to wait.

I was talking about about AP and using a mei tai etc and i could tell she thought it was ridiculous. This is a woman who won't give her baby any tummy time as he is too precious and at 5 months dex can crawl and her baby cant even lift his own head at 3.5 months but my parenting style is wrong. Not that I am boasting about dex being able to crawl or that her kid should be able to do things at his age but she treats him with kid gloves and then has the audacity to question my parenting style.

I saw an woman and her friend in town recently she had her boy on reigns who must have been at least 4. he was screaming the shop down and flinging himself on the floor. he was obv tired and just wanted to go home after a long day at school (he was in uniform) instead of realising this her and the woman were ridiculing him while she dragged him along the floor. It was so awful. all i wanted to scream is HE IS TIRED, TAKE HIM HOME AND FEED HIM AND PUT HIM TO BED. i mean come on he was rubbing his eyes and lying on the floor whilst screaming hysterically, myself and my mate who was with were really upset for ages after.

 

[Faerie]

PMSL at Babyshambelles whopping her mammas out!!

I think we're quite lucky here, in Switzerland generally bf and babywearing is the norm. In fact I think it's the first place I ever saw babywearing, apart from those hiking type backpack things which don't really count.

I don't really go around France much but unfortunately most women have to go back to work full time at 3 months and it seems generally that's when they stop bf, if at all.

I haven't met a mum yet who's weaned early (5.5 months seems quite common) but I've also had a lot of strange looks when talking about BLW.

It's really hard when you meet people that have such totally different ideas from you. I met a mum that feeds her baby porridge and meat from a jar. The poor baby hates it! Not surprisingly, I don't plan on giving Sofia anything I wouldn't eat.

I often see posts on this forum that make me cringe, and sometimes you really feel like going in.. but you can't, just like I don't want someone telling me what I'm doing is wrong.

I don't understand how people can just leave their babies though. I did actually terminate a friendship after the girl kept her 18 month old son strapped in his pushchair all day repeatedly (scared he would hurt himself) and feed him in the crook of her arm like a little baby. I tried to talk to her about it, it didn't work.

 

[Faerie]

p.s shall give Derby a miss

 

[kirsten1985]

p.s shall give Derby a miss

Lol, the worst thing about it is I am sure there are much worse places, makes me not want to go to any cities..give me a field any day!

 

[Faerie]

We used to go walking around there when I was a kid. Can't remember going into the city but there's absolutely gorgeous countryside!

I lived in Oxford for one year, which people always think of as being so "classy" and I swear I saw some of the biggest chavs of my life!

 

[kirsten1985]

Lol.

Yeah I work up in the Peak District and we go walking there loads. I only have to walk about 5 mins to get to countryside and it's about a 20 min drive to get to some pretty big hills and cliffs, so it's not all bad. Just so happens chavs seem to live on my doorstep, lol. I've never been to Oxford, but I lived in Canterbury for 3 years at Uni and that was actually pretty nice, not too bad for a city!

I wish babywearing and BFing were the norm here, I don't half get some odd looks when I am out and about with Freya! And I just feel like a right chav for FFing!!