So nervous about failing again

[AllyTiel]

I tried to bf my first daughter who is now almost 2. I thought it would be so easy. She would just latch on and that would be that. And she kind of did, but every nurse kept saying it was a bad latch and breaking it, and she got so upset and screaming from then on anytime I would even attempt to latch her. She wouldn't even try! The nurses threatened me. " if you don't feed in in the next few hours we will give her formula!" So I tried. And tried. And cried my eyes out along with my baby. Why was this happening! She was a large, full term baby with no health issues. Eventually a nurse offered to get me a nipple shield. I tried it even though I was desperate not to. At least she fed this way. But it was so so inconvenient. Especially at night. She would pop off, on would go the light, reposition, over and over. I tried to wean her off with no success. I was so depressed. Did not bond to her. I had a serious disconnect. Scared myself by how angry I was. I was a failure as far as I was concerned. It kicked me in the heart every time my friends would feed their babies so easily. To see that bond that they had. At 9 weeks of nipple shield use, I was so frustrated. I started pumping more. And more, and before I knew it she wouldn't even nurse with the nipple shield anymore. Too hooked on bottles. So onto pumping until she was 10 months. I hated being hooked to a machine while my husband mooed at me...
My daughter was checked for tongue tie. I saw 3 lactation consultants. No one could help me figure out why she wouldn't latch without the shield. I found at around 6 months old she had a lip tip. She even has a Small gap between her two front teeth because it comes down so far. No one ever checked this for me. It's like no one freaking knew to look for it. Why?!
I don't even have flat nipples, especially after 10 months of mostly pumping.
I'm so scared of failing again. It seems to come so easily to everyone. Why not me? I'm normal, my baby was normal. I'm afraid of falling into a deep pit of depression spurred on by a second breastfeeding failure with this new daughter. How can I success this time? Can I ?

 

[luna_19]

I'm sorry it was such a struggle with your first there is no reason why your second will have the same issues. This time you know so much more and can make sure the new baby is checked properly for a lip tie right away. I think most people do struggle with some sort of issue in the early days, it can be so frustrating (our struggle was that baby didn't latch at all until he was 2 weeks old) but once things fall into place it is worth it. Maybe you could find an IBCLC to consult with beforehand and have on call if any issues come up, they are much more experienced and educated than a regular LC

 

[patch2006uk]

My first son had latching problems-wouldn't latch on at all for the first 8 days. And never had a comfortable latch right up until the very end. My second son latched on like a pro less than an hour after being born, and we haven't had any problems at all, not even mild soreness! Every experience is different. Hopefully this baby will be a natural! And at least you know now to ask them to check for lip tie, too x

 

[AllyTiel]

How were you able to end up bf'ing him latch if he wouldn't latch for 8 days?

 

[Sarah lo]

I had a similar experience with my first baby, she had a posterior tongue tie that was never diagnosed. I ended up combined feeding her and after 4 months of hell, never being able to get to the bottom of what the problem was, I gave up and switched to formula altogether.

But my second baby has been completely different. We had a couple of minor problems in the beginning, he slipped off a lot and needed reattaching regularly, I was sore for about 8 weeks and he was very gassy. It turned out he had a posterior tongue tie just like DD had but because I knew what it was, I was able to cope with it and by the time we got an appointment to snip his tongue tie we didn't need it anymore because his mouth had grown and he was able to latch properly at last! Its been an absolute breeze since then.

So, I think the bottom line is that the second time you have a better idea of what to expect, you know what's normal and what isn't and you know what to look for when there is something going wrong.

 

[Maxy1]

So, I think the bottom line is that the second time you have a better idea of what to expect, you know what's normal and what isn't and you know what to look for when there is something going wrong.

I too am sorry you had such a rough time the first time around. We had troubles first time around too, partly due to lip tie and Raynaud's. I had chronic mastitis until finally someone diagnosed the lip tie and we got it lasered over a year later.

This time round I started my Raynaud's treatment immediately, DD's lip tie was lasered at 3 weeks and things have been much better with close contact with my LC who diagnosed both lip ties.

 

[patch2006uk]

How were you able to end up bf'ing him latch if he wouldn't latch for 8 days?

I expressed round the clock and cup fed him my milk and some formula, as I can't express very well and I struggled to keep up. Lots of skin to skin and sheer bloody mindedness tbh. It wasn't fun, but it worked. I also have a very supportive husband who reminded me of why I was doing it when I considered throwing in the towel. Also, videos online of different latching techniques, and I kept trying them ubtuki found one that worked!

 

[AllyTiel]

How were you able to end up bf'ing him latch if he wouldn't latch for 8 days?

I expressed round the clock and cup fed him my milk and some formula, as I can't express very well and I struggled to keep up. Lots of skin to skin and sheer bloody mindedness tbh. It wasn't fun, but it worked. I also have a very supportive husband who reminded me of why I was doing it when I considered throwing in the towel. Also, videos online of different latching techniques, and I kept trying them ubtuki found one that worked!

You cup-fed for a whole week? No bottles?
I watched lots of vids of YouTube last night about immediate skin to skin and how many babies latch on all by themselves in the first hour, with demonstration in the vids. It's amazing! So different drom how it worked with me. I didn't do skin to skin last time in the first few hours. I had a bad 4th degree tear and was bleeding a lot and I was too scared to hold her for at least 30 mins.

 

[patch2006uk]

Yep-no bottles. It was hard, and it took ages, but it did pay off in the end.

Neither of mine have latched themselves on, but getting the first feed within the first hour with my second I do believe made a difference.