I'm so sorry for your loss. It's a tragic club that no one ever wants membership to. My oldest dd died from pneumonia when she was 2 1/2. It's a blind siding sort of pain. Her loss was followed by a chemical pregnancy and then her beautiful, healthy, amazing little sister, now almost 5. I've also had a blighted ovum and now I'm 11 week 3 days along with another seemingly healthy child. It's a rough road. And there's a lot of fear, both during pregnancy and after the little one comes. We waited over four years after our 2nd child because we were terrified she wouldn't see her third birthday, too. Long story short, the fear is normal. The pain is normal. And there is a break in the storm. It's been six years since I lost my firstborn and some days are as raw as the first, but I have joy in my present and hope beside the fear. Hugs and support and I'll stalk the thread if you need someone to talk to. Child loss is child loss in all its forms, but there's something particularly trying about a loss you've cradled in your arms.