So So Hurt........

[LolaLou]

I am not sure where to put this, but here it is.

2 years ago, my husband's brother showed up at our house with his then 15 yo daughter and said he needed us to look after her. We were completely unprepared, as he hadn't left any clothes, prescriptions, money. nothing, Although this was an EXTREME inconvenience for us, we has scrimped and sacrificed to make her feel at home here. My husband is strict with her, but under our care she caught up in school, matured much and made many friends.
She even said I will always be more of her mother than her mother ever was.

Here's where the hurt comes in.....She left her e-mail signed in....and I peeked.
I know it was wrong, please don't point that out. I saw a series of e-mails between her and her friend ( who also spends all the time here, and we treat like one of our own) talking about when she moves out they are going to trash our house, how "your aunt", meaning me, better watch herself or they are going to kill me, and my husband is already dead to them. I have no idea what I did, and want to confront her sooooo bad, but I can't because I snooped.

I am just so hurt. I have treated her so well, and we fought so hard for her. Should I say something. I can't even tell my DH, because he will say something for sure. This could get ugly. I just really want her out of my house now. I have never been so hurt by anyone. Ever.

 

[sequeena]

Wow! What a lovely person she sounds like tbh I would probably just confront her, what awful things to say about the people who took her in! Would she rather she'd been left to fend for herself?

Does your hubby know about this?

 

[dgrandmother]

Teenagers can be so hurtful to those that give them the most love. My suggestion is 'watch your back'. I would let her know you saw the e-mail. I have always told my girls if I find it, I am reading it. She is the one that left her e-mail logged in. I would print the e-mail (if you can still get to it) and let her know this type of behavior will not be tolerated. In addtion, I would notify the other girls mother and let her know her daughter has destructive issues. Raising a teenager is hard and you can't give in - they must know who the boss is. Also, you need to make sure you tell her you are not her friend, but you are her parental figure to guide and love her....period! good luck to you - and, tell you husband what you read. It might come down to her moving, but so be it. At 15, they need to know if they make a mistake or treat others unfair and what can happen.

 

[LolaLou]

Wow! What a lovely person she sounds like tbh I would probably just confront her, what awful things to say about the people who took her in! Would she rather she'd been left to fend for herself?

Does your hubby know about this?

No, and I am not sure whether to tell him. He will be PISSED. I don't think she realizes what we have done for her!

I hurts me because I really didn't know what a ^%$#& she is! I really loved her and thought she loved me.

 

[LolaLou]

Teenagers can be so hurtful to those that give them the most love. My suggestion is 'watch your back'. I would let her know you saw the e-mail. I have always told my girls if I find it, I am reading it. She is the one that left her e-mail logged in. I would print the e-mail (if you can still get to it) and let her know this type of behavior will not be tolerated. In addtion, I would notify the other girls mother and let her know her daughter has destructive issues. Raising a teenager is hard and you can't give in - they must know who the boss is. Also, you need to make sure you tell her you are not her friend, but you are her parental figure to guide and love her....period! good luck to you - and, tell you husband what you read. It might come down to her moving, but so be it. At 15, they need to know if they make a mistake or treat others unfair and what can happen.

I did do a copy and paste on that e-mail. I also thought of going to the other girls parents. I really liked her, too.
P.S. She was 15 when she moved in, she is 17 now.

 

[sequeena]

Wow! What a lovely person she sounds like tbh I would probably just confront her, what awful things to say about the people who took her in! Would she rather she'd been left to fend for herself?

Does your hubby know about this?

No, and I am not sure whether to tell him. He will be PISSED. I don't think she realizes what we have done for her!

I hurts me because I really didn't know what a ^%$#& she is! I really loved her and thought she loved me.

I would tell him it's really awful the things she has said and he has a right to know! She may have been having a bad day for whatever reason but that's no excuse for her actions. Is she still acting nice as pie to your face?

 

[dgrandmother]

I didn't realize she is now 17 years old - well, she is an adult and should be treated like one. My youngest daughter was difficult (she is now 30 and PG) when she was 15-17 and my husband (her dad) layed down the law and grounded her for 6 months. Well, he did not allow her to take drivers ed.; told her he wasn't paying for college; took all her money out of her savings acct....and basically told her she would learn that all her actions today will have an impact on her future. After a couple of months, she began to believe in what we told her and you know, she is such a success. She graduated from college; has a mid-management position with a large telecommunications company; is already the mother of 1 and another on the way. I can only tell you...do not hide this hurt - you might take her aside and discuss this with her, before approaching your husband. Then, the 2 of you need to discuss with your husband and make sure you call her father! Please hold her accountable for her actions...good or BAD.

 

[m0mmyCool]

Those are some very threatening statements they made. I wouldn't let this slide and act like you didn't know about it. I'd be disturbed and have her removed from my house ASAP.

 

[LolaLou]

Here is my update. I did confront her and she apologized over and over again and said she was just venting with her friends. That said, she is moving home today. We are in a better place, but I feel it is best. She had already planned on going back home once school let out for the summer, but she will leave now(1 week early), and take her exams at home.

The decision for her to go home was her mother's and i hope this works out for them.

Thanks, girls, for being there for me when I needed you

P.S. I have decided to tell my hubby after she leaves, so to avoid a fight between them.

 

[seoj]

I'm glad you confronted her... I was going to suggest you do, especially after reading something that threatening. Unfortunately, kids sometimes vent and don't realize how hurtful or mean their comments are. I do believe, in some ways, TV and what they see in society today has desensitized them... like they see how people talk about "I'll put a cap in your a$$" etc... and they actually think it's funny or OK to talk like that.

It's great you talked it out with her... sounds like she truly is sorry. But best she move home a bit early as well.

Best of luck hun

 

[mommy2lilmen]

I am sorry I read this post late
I am glad you confronted her. I read your posting, and sat there thinking what I woudl do if my boy(s) done that. I would of said them that curiousity got the better of me and I snooped...and then go on like that about the emails. The apology was great from her, but did she explain why she was frustrated? If everything was going great between everyone, why was she so hateful and threatening? It makes no sense really why she would do that. I know kids, teens can be very hurtful. My teen is 14 right now and omg I am dreading the rest getting this age. HUGS I hope your talk with DH goes well. Hope he is understanding.

 

[mommy2lilmen]

I didn't realize she is now 17 years old - well, she is an adult and should be treated like one. My youngest daughter was difficult (she is now 30 and PG) when she was 15-17 and my husband (her dad) layed down the law and grounded her for 6 months. Well, he did not allow her to take drivers ed.; told her he wasn't paying for college; took all her money out of her savings acct....and basically told her she would learn that all her actions today will have an impact on her future. After a couple of months, she began to believe in what we told her and you know, she is such a success. She graduated from college; has a mid-management position with a large telecommunications company; is already the mother of 1 and another on the way. I can only tell you...do not hide this hurt - you might take her aside and discuss this with her, before approaching your husband. Then, the 2 of you need to discuss with your husband and make sure you call her father! Please hold her accountable for her actions...good or BAD.

17 is adult?
I thought 18/19 was..?

 

[cooper2010]

wow, that is sad. Could this friend be the one causing the drama? Maybe she is a bad influence. Could you maybe reassure your niece of your love and caring? Im sorry this is a truly tough situation, I wish you the best.

 

[Nichole]

17 is adult?
I thought 18/19 was..?

In the US a 17 year old can be tried as an adult in court. 18 is the legal age of adulthood, but had she commited the crimes she had talked about she would've been tried as an adult.

I'm very glad you talked to her. It's a shame that she felt the need to say things like that tho. I know, as a teen, I needed to vent sometimes too, but she seemed overly cruel.

 

[mommy2lilmen]

17 is adult?
I thought 18/19 was..?

In the US a 17 year old can be tried as an adult in court. 18 is the legal age of adulthood, but had she commited the crimes she had talked about she would've been tried as an adult.

I'm very glad you talked to her. It's a shame that she felt the need to say things like that tho. I know, as a teen, I needed to vent sometimes too, but she seemed overly cruel.

I never thought about it like that ..Here its the same, in court laws. But for a child/teen to go around saying things and living and so forth, doesnt make them an adult, to me anyways at age 17. Altho they should be responsible like one. If that makes sense. Like I mean, they should know how to do laundry, cook, shop, manage money(to an extent) and more by that age, so they are ready past age 18+ ...
I agree she was overly cruel, especially if things were ok at home. No need for it. Uncalled for. to everyone dealing with things like this