So terrified im no longer TTC

[BabyCleo]

Hey ladies, I need help.

My DF and I had a MC over a year ago. We have been trying for about 5 months now. I did suffer from severe panic attacks which is now just anxiety during a stressful time. We are TTC#1, but i am so so terrified of giving birth (natural or CS) that I dont even want to ttc. I want a little bundle so so badly, but this fear is totally taking over. Im not scared of being pregnant, just labour. Can I get some positive stories or any advice?

 

[Louise88]

Aww I remember how terrifying the thought of giving birth was. I actually had a very easy labour once I was in hospital between 6-10cm dilated I spent the whole time laughing away, the giving birth part I can't remember hurting at all and I only had gas and air for me it wasn't as bad as they make it out to be on some TV shows. What is it that scares you the most? For me it was the pain of something coming out from my lady bits but you will see the wide range of pain relief that they offer, epidural a will numb you completely waist down so you won't feel anything giving birth.

But I can honestly say no matter how scary child birth may seem once you reach the end of your pregnancy your more then ready to go through anything to get your baby out and get your body back as you get pretty fed up not being able to walk far, sleep properly, the terrible heartburn and not being able to eat much due to your baby using it as a cushion lol

There is also things you can take safely through pregnancy to help with anxiety if you needed it

 

[OmiOmen]

My first c-section was relaxed and planned but I hated the recovery and my second was a 'horror story' so I can't personally give you a positive story but I can say that while my second experience was exceptionally bad that it was still worth it in the end! The delivery part is such a short time and as Louise88 has said by the end of pregnancy you will feel more than ready and glad for it to be coming to an end.

My only advice is try and focus on the next milestone at each point; so now just think about a BFP and then think about every little pregnancy milestone rather than the delivery. I know this is easier said than done when you have a real fear of something but I promise you no matter how positive or negative your delivery is that it will be worth it.

Good luck TTC.

 

[Popples1]

There's a thread called 'sooo scared' which you might want to pop into. It's not all about labour but there are a few fellow scaredy cats to talk to

 

[BabyCleo]

Thanks for the kind words ladies!! Its actually that something will go wrong that im scared about. I hate hospitals and how they never tell you what your getting hooked up too. Ive had bad experiences with bad doctors. Im so afraid of a CS but im even considering it so there are less complications. I dunno. Im terrified about recovery, etc etc.

 

[OmiOmen]

There are not less complications with a c-section for a low risk pregnancy so I really, really would not ask for one thinking it is an easier option if you have a healthy pregnancy. I had one planned section due to medical reasons and one emergency one (the emergency one due to a very serious and rare complication largely due to already having had a c-section) and I really would not recommend having one unless it is needed. At the same time going into pregnancy with an open mind about things is a good idea in case you need a c-section or any other intervention.

The chance of something serious happening in pregnancy or birth is rare and even then with all the monitoring and medical advances there is generally a positive outcome even with some awful complications. But honestly as long as you and your baby come out of it healthy in the end you will be surprised at just how much you can deal with.

I honestly sympathise. After having a very bad delivery just over two weeks ago when I had my second son I am left terrified of even the most minor medical procedures and my husband got a stress nose bleed last time I had to spent a night in hospital as soon as we reach the entrance to the hospital just from been in the same room during delivery! In fact we are now both so scared of pregnancy and birth DH is getting a vasectomy and we will be using extra contraception on top of that. So I really do understand but you can and will cope with whatever comes your way and I dare say you will cope far better then you think you will. But the chances are that your birth won't be anywhere near as bad as you have built it up to be. The anxiety you have right now will probably be a lot worse than the actual labour even if you do need intervention. Have you considered talking to someone about the anxiety you are feeling? It might really help.

 

[mrs.c_x]

Thanks for the kind words ladies!! Its actually that something will go wrong that im scared about. I hate hospitals and how they never tell you what your getting hooked up too. Ive had bad experiences with bad doctors. Im so afraid of a CS but im even considering it so there are less complications. I dunno. Im terrified about recovery, etc etc.

You sound exactly like one of my best friends!
She was absolutely petrified of everything to do with giving birth, just because she thought something would go wrong.
Her MW advised her to go a see someone, similar to a counciler, but they deal with relaxing you and ways to keep you calm during labour and how to ease your scary thoughts etc.
She found them amazing and it helped and calmed her loads, however, she ended up having an optional CS and regretted it ever since
there are so many options available to you, and don't forget, you're definitely not the only person feeling that way
xoxo

 

[tristansmum]

Honestly you will be ok. Millions of women give birth every year and millions do it a second, third time ect so it can't be that awful. I had emergency section with my first and vaginal with my second. Both have been pretty straightforward recoveries. Please don't think a c section is the easy way out. Yes it doesn't hurt to give birth but then you have pain for a week or so afterward. And there are risks with a section too. If you have a normal pregnancy then no reason to think you can't have a normal birth. Whatever happens the labour and birth is such a short time when you have your child forever. Yes it hurts but you don't have to go pain relief free... There are lots of options. After wards when you look into your babies eyes you would do it all again for them. It is worth it

 

[BabyCleo]

Maybe I will see someone, thats a great option. I just read about women dying from birth and i know that millions are fine, its just that one in a million that scares me so much. But i have been convinced to not elect for a CS unless its an emerg. one.

 

[solitaire89]

Hey ladies, I need help.

My DF and I had a MC over a year ago. We have been trying for about 5 months now. I did suffer from severe panic attacks which is now just anxiety during a stressful time. We are TTC#1, but i am so so terrified of giving birth (natural or CS) that I dont even want to ttc. I want a little bundle so so badly, but this fear is totally taking over. Im not scared of being pregnant, just labour. Can I get some positive stories or any advice?

I can relate completely! I sat in my doctor's surgery and bawled my eyes out I was so afraid of labour and birth, and this was before we'd even started TTC. I went from that to planning a completely natural home birth, which I achieved!

I used Natal Hypnotherapy (Maggie Howell), and it removed all of the fears that I had, as well as allowing me to have a completely pain free and drug free labour and home birth. I would really recommend that you look into it! I know that you won't have access to the 2 day courses that they run, but they certainly ship the cds and the book overseas. I would really recommend the 4 cd programme (maybe add in the preparing to conceive one, but I didn't use that one) and the book - Effective Birth Preparation.

If you want a positive birth story from someone who was just as scared as you, then there is a link in my siggy

 

[zilla]

Hello x

I was lucky enough to have a good birth experience.
I wanted a natural birth - and was laughed at by everyone who I told.
5 days before my due date, I started getting contractions ... they weren't as bad as I thought they were going to be.
Get to the hospital 3 hours later and I'm told I'm 9cm and it's time to push.
1.5 hours after arriving at the hospital, my LO was born, with no pain relief, no gas and air, no stitches and no intervention. That was giving birth to an 8 4.5oz baby who was born with his arm coming out at the same time as his head!

Seriously, have a look into Hypnobirthing. It seemed to work for mex

 

[BabyCleo]

Maybe i will look into it. i guess i do have enouh time to brace myself for.it.. im just so scared of something happening after. i really appreciate the kind words

 

[Beanonorder]

I was absolutely terrified of giving birth. I've always said I would have an epidural as soon as possible - even though I was equally scared of a needle in my back. And then I decided to have a baby in China! They don't give any kind of pain relief what-so-ever for a natural birth. (in Chinese hospitals, where I gave birth). And for various reasons I won't go into now, I had a traumatic and long labour and delivery. But you know what - I got through it! I look back now and think wow, I was amazing! And my mom was even more amazing. (its a shared delivery room so men are not allowed in).
The most important thing is to have a supportive and understanding person there with you to talk you through it all. You'll be amazed at what you can actually do.
Yes, its scary, yes its hard. But its not forever and the miracle you get afterwards is incredible.

Trust me - YOU CAN DO IT!!

 

[BabyCleo]

Wow china!! Thats a huge leap! Thats awesome.