I didn't even realise this section existed! The things you find, eh?
I will apologise now, not only because this is a long one but because I'm aware I don't know anyone here. But I know you ladies speak a lot of sense and I feel like I need a fresh, impartial input here. Think I'll be spending quite a bit more time here.
So yeah, FOB and I broke up a month ago, after 5 and a half years together, which I consider quite an achievement at 22 years old. Not a particularly bad break-up, I thought it was mutual and we were being pretty grown up and civil about it all, for LO's sake. Then I discovered the girl who had been "counselling" him on OUR problems is now his new girlfriend and he completely lied and kept me in the dark about it, even when I confronted him he tried to deny it all. So now it's all out there (he swears he never cheated on me but I haven't told him the full extent of what I know, don't see how it can fix anything) he's insisting we be "friends." Is there a more insulting situation than this? How are we meant to be friends now, he has given no thought to my feelings, I feel like I meant nothing to him now cause he's found someone else so quickly. He lies to me without a second thought. And he's given us no chance whatsoever to establish just how "friendly" we're going to be. So far it's been a case of talking only about LO but lately he's being making small talk, asking how I am, not just LO. And I don't know exactly what he wants from me. And obviously any decisions we make now about our relationship are going to have the new girl's feelings and opinions involved, and is that the right thing to do? What about if they don't work out, do we have to go back through the whole agreement again? But I know how it will look if I point that out. Obviously I don't want LO spending time with this stranger, and I've tried to make him see that, but again, I know he has no regards for my feelings and I have zero trust in him to keep his word.
I know I must seem bitter, that I don't want him moving on. But that's not the case, I am happy for him. We made this decision to split up because we wanted to be happy and couldn't achieve that together anymore. But there are little things that are bugging me.
He contributes very little financially to our son's upbringing. Everything he has has come from me or my family. He claims he never has any money because he has no job but he's able to run his car and this week alone, he's had this new girl out too many places to count (she tags him on Facebook and he knows full well I can see, more on that later). When he takes LO away for the day, I supply all the bottles and nappies and wipes and changes of clothes that he'll need while he's there and there's never any mention of replacing them. I've always been fiercly independant and refuse to be reliant on him but it's his lack of willing to help that makes me angry.
Ever since I found out about them, it's been taking over my entire thought process. I'm annoyed at myself because I knew about it months before we broke up and I never said anything, and because he never told me, he didn't give me the chance to deal with it when I dealt with the break-up. I haven't told him exactly how it's been eating me up because I won't have them branding me the jealous ex who clearly wants him back, because I don't. But it was getting to the stage where I was digging pretty deep for a bit more proof that I could give him to try and make him admit the fact that this has been going on for much longer than the week he claims. And I've been finding it by the bucket load. Their relationship is one that has blossomed over the internet, and they've not covered their tracks very well. For such a smart, computer-savvy guy, he's either screwed up majorly or has seriously underestimated how much he taught me in our years together. Anyway, it was getting to the point that I knew it was going to start affecting him seeing LO and I never want that to happen so I made a decision to block access to a lot of sites from my computer. I also decided the constant checking in and tagging in pictures on Facebook was getting too much too, so I made the decision to delete not only him but his entire family and every friend I had met through him (most of them never talk to me since we broke up anyway, they just want the updates on LO). I kept my wall and my pictures visable to friends of friends so that they wouldn't feel pushed out of LOs life, but I knew that as time went on, they'd all be commenting on their pictures and updates and I wasn't going to make them make her feel unwelcome, again I'm not the jealous ex. But of course, then I was being spiteful deleting them, trying to take LO out of their lives when all they've done is try to stay neutral, blah blah blah. Not once did any of them stop and ask me how I was feeling, why I did it. It was instant defence, "what have we done?". Must be a family thing, the selfishness.
Another thing, if he says, "I never wanted things to be this way" once more, I fear I may swing for him. Things are the way they are because HE made them that way. He came round last night, knowing I was home alone, claiming to want to see LO before he went to bed. But he spent the whole time trying to convince me he has "nothing but respesct for me" and that he still loves me. And I just can't believe him. I don't see how, if he's telling the truth, he can be over us and moved on so quickly. And of course, I don't believe for one minute he is being honest cause he's never been honest with me and I think he was waiting and waiting for me to end it so he wasn't the bad guy who left me on my own with a baby for her. I put everything I had into our relationship, all my money (cause he's never had any), I barely saw my family until I fell pregnant, he hated my friends so they all went too. I used to be skinny and fun and outgoing and all that changed because of him. And I've not felt good enough for him for a long time now, and that was a big part of our break-up. I hate the fact that his life is so easy; he comes and goes with LO as he pleases, he has no responsibilites at home cause his gran does everything for him, he gets to go to bed at night and sleep as long as he likes (he refuses to have LO overnight) and he's found happiness with someone else. And here I am, over-weight, alone and sacrificing my way through life, trying to make life good for my son, knowing full well that no one else will probably ever want me. Since we broke up, I've been really lucky that the friends he forced away have not abandoned me and I love them to bits but it's just not the same. Why does he get life so easy? He made these decisions too but he's not hurting at all.
I'll say sorry again for the length of rambling up there but I can't talk to anyone at home about it anymore cause all they say is "forget about it" and that's something I just can't do yet.
I will apologise now, not only because this is a long one but because I'm aware I don't know anyone here. But I know you ladies speak a lot of sense and I feel like I need a fresh, impartial input here. Think I'll be spending quite a bit more time here.
So yeah, FOB and I broke up a month ago, after 5 and a half years together, which I consider quite an achievement at 22 years old. Not a particularly bad break-up, I thought it was mutual and we were being pretty grown up and civil about it all, for LO's sake. Then I discovered the girl who had been "counselling" him on OUR problems is now his new girlfriend and he completely lied and kept me in the dark about it, even when I confronted him he tried to deny it all. So now it's all out there (he swears he never cheated on me but I haven't told him the full extent of what I know, don't see how it can fix anything) he's insisting we be "friends." Is there a more insulting situation than this? How are we meant to be friends now, he has given no thought to my feelings, I feel like I meant nothing to him now cause he's found someone else so quickly. He lies to me without a second thought. And he's given us no chance whatsoever to establish just how "friendly" we're going to be. So far it's been a case of talking only about LO but lately he's being making small talk, asking how I am, not just LO. And I don't know exactly what he wants from me. And obviously any decisions we make now about our relationship are going to have the new girl's feelings and opinions involved, and is that the right thing to do? What about if they don't work out, do we have to go back through the whole agreement again? But I know how it will look if I point that out. Obviously I don't want LO spending time with this stranger, and I've tried to make him see that, but again, I know he has no regards for my feelings and I have zero trust in him to keep his word.
I know I must seem bitter, that I don't want him moving on. But that's not the case, I am happy for him. We made this decision to split up because we wanted to be happy and couldn't achieve that together anymore. But there are little things that are bugging me.
He contributes very little financially to our son's upbringing. Everything he has has come from me or my family. He claims he never has any money because he has no job but he's able to run his car and this week alone, he's had this new girl out too many places to count (she tags him on Facebook and he knows full well I can see, more on that later). When he takes LO away for the day, I supply all the bottles and nappies and wipes and changes of clothes that he'll need while he's there and there's never any mention of replacing them. I've always been fiercly independant and refuse to be reliant on him but it's his lack of willing to help that makes me angry.
Ever since I found out about them, it's been taking over my entire thought process. I'm annoyed at myself because I knew about it months before we broke up and I never said anything, and because he never told me, he didn't give me the chance to deal with it when I dealt with the break-up. I haven't told him exactly how it's been eating me up because I won't have them branding me the jealous ex who clearly wants him back, because I don't. But it was getting to the stage where I was digging pretty deep for a bit more proof that I could give him to try and make him admit the fact that this has been going on for much longer than the week he claims. And I've been finding it by the bucket load. Their relationship is one that has blossomed over the internet, and they've not covered their tracks very well. For such a smart, computer-savvy guy, he's either screwed up majorly or has seriously underestimated how much he taught me in our years together. Anyway, it was getting to the point that I knew it was going to start affecting him seeing LO and I never want that to happen so I made a decision to block access to a lot of sites from my computer. I also decided the constant checking in and tagging in pictures on Facebook was getting too much too, so I made the decision to delete not only him but his entire family and every friend I had met through him (most of them never talk to me since we broke up anyway, they just want the updates on LO). I kept my wall and my pictures visable to friends of friends so that they wouldn't feel pushed out of LOs life, but I knew that as time went on, they'd all be commenting on their pictures and updates and I wasn't going to make them make her feel unwelcome, again I'm not the jealous ex. But of course, then I was being spiteful deleting them, trying to take LO out of their lives when all they've done is try to stay neutral, blah blah blah. Not once did any of them stop and ask me how I was feeling, why I did it. It was instant defence, "what have we done?". Must be a family thing, the selfishness.
Another thing, if he says, "I never wanted things to be this way" once more, I fear I may swing for him. Things are the way they are because HE made them that way. He came round last night, knowing I was home alone, claiming to want to see LO before he went to bed. But he spent the whole time trying to convince me he has "nothing but respesct for me" and that he still loves me. And I just can't believe him. I don't see how, if he's telling the truth, he can be over us and moved on so quickly. And of course, I don't believe for one minute he is being honest cause he's never been honest with me and I think he was waiting and waiting for me to end it so he wasn't the bad guy who left me on my own with a baby for her. I put everything I had into our relationship, all my money (cause he's never had any), I barely saw my family until I fell pregnant, he hated my friends so they all went too. I used to be skinny and fun and outgoing and all that changed because of him. And I've not felt good enough for him for a long time now, and that was a big part of our break-up. I hate the fact that his life is so easy; he comes and goes with LO as he pleases, he has no responsibilites at home cause his gran does everything for him, he gets to go to bed at night and sleep as long as he likes (he refuses to have LO overnight) and he's found happiness with someone else. And here I am, over-weight, alone and sacrificing my way through life, trying to make life good for my son, knowing full well that no one else will probably ever want me. Since we broke up, I've been really lucky that the friends he forced away have not abandoned me and I love them to bits but it's just not the same. Why does he get life so easy? He made these decisions too but he's not hurting at all.
I'll say sorry again for the length of rambling up there but I can't talk to anyone at home about it anymore cause all they say is "forget about it" and that's something I just can't do yet.
i can totaly understand, you feel he's not been honest with you and it hurts !! I can rlate to so much of what you said about him finding someone else so quickly and it really does make yu feel like you never meant anything to them, and the posts on fb are really insensitive, unfortunatly men ca be so selfish, but its him who has failed and not you ! Your not feeling good about yourself either and this is because of how hes made you feel, by the sounds of it even bfore you both spit, you can do so much btter than that, try and think of all the positives about yourself an you will start to feel better about "you", and no 1 you sound lie a great mom 
