So torn. Thinking about weaning

[too_scared]

I think I need to start thinking about at least night weaning. My heart is breaking. I really didn't want to help him wean at all. But I'm having so much pain and so much aversion that it's just so, so hard now. Last night he woke at 2 and nursed for 5 minutes (I limit it to that) and went back to sleep for a little while. Then was up again 2:30 until 2:45 and nursed again for a little bit. I really had to limit it then. He went back to sleep, or at least settled and tried to go back to sleep. Then 3:15 he asked for milk again. I told him I couldn't and that it hurt but he cried for it. I tried to nurse him but had to stop after only a minute or 2. He cried again and I tried again but only could stand it for about 2 minutes. He cried more but I told him I really couldn't do it, it was hurting, and he had to go to sleep. He turned over and tossed and turned a bit and settled. I'm not sure how long it took him to fall asleep but he was settled after a little while. I ended up downstairs with his sister at 4 and he woke and said mom at around 5 but went back to sleep. I literally didn't sleep last night.

I love that we have the special bond that we do but I feel like it's starting to cause strain, too. I am so sad that I'm still suffering so badly with aversion. And the pain. My gosh it's bad. Only getting worse. I just got a Rx for apno do hopefully that will help soon. It's starting to really hurt with munchkin, too. They both have lip ties but there's nothing I can do about that. He never caused pain until I was pregnant.

I just don't know what to do. My sister is just trying to help but she keeps suggesting his own bed/room and weaning him. But, he's just not ready. He really depends on nursing. I limit it a lot in the day. I know what's not letting him wean all on his own but he would nurse all day given the chance. The only time I let him nurse longer than 5 minutes is when he's going to sleep at night. Then I still have to unlatch him most times before he's ready but I don't do it until he's asleep. Usually I can distract myself with my phone for about 10 minutes then. He would literally sleep with his mouth on me all night if I'd let him. He's definitely not ready for his own bed yet, either. He regularly reaches out for me at night. He sleeps with his feet tucked under me. I don't want to force him out of bed.

I just don't know what to do. I know he's not ready to wean but it's causing me so much stress. He doesn't always have bad nights like that. He's started sleeping longer again lately since his sister was born 2 months ago. He has never slept a whole night without waking at least 2 times a night. I think maybe I'm just whining today. Thank goodness dh is a teacher and still off because I went back to sleep (went to sleep... Not back to sleep) at 8 until 12 today. On his birthday, when he's the one who should be sleeping in.

Sorry for the novel. I'm just so torn. :'(

 

[shinona]

You've got to do what's right for you and your family. You've done amazingly well to nurse him for so long so please don't beat yourself up. I'm not saying you should gently wean him, only you can decide that, but I'm saying don't be hard on yourself if you do. You've got a tiny one who's relying on you too, that's tough going.
As with all things, he'll get used to the weaning. They're so adaptable xx

 

[too_scared]

Thank you. After that horrible night we all had a really good one. And last night was somewhere in the middle. But it was so hot I can't blame him for waking. He's getting a cold now I feel like he needs to nurse now for sure with his cold. Poor guy is laying in bed next to me now and he can't breathe through his little nose at all.

I'm trying to take it one nursing session at a time. I'm going to keep going for as long as I can. He really does depend on it.

 

[tulip1975]

I'm not sure what you mean when you say he depends on it - I would think he's old enough to get his nutrition elsewhere. I'm not saying this to criticize - just more saying it from an objective standpoint - you can cut yourself some slack here. If it is miserable for you - it is ok to wean. It's amazing you've gone for this long and with another baby nursing as well.

 

[too_scared]

He depends on it for emotional reasons. He still needs the comfort he gets from nursing.

 

[bcos21]

My son is almost 2 and has been very emotionally dependent on nursing too. I've started to get an aversion to it too, that and he will pinch the other nipple at the vsame time. We have slowly been reducing feeds and now when he wakes at night I just rub his back. Sometimes he will cry for a min or start asking for milk but as long as I keep him out of my shirt it has been getting better. He just nurses when he goes down for nap and night time. Hang in there, gradual steady changes helps. We cosleep too, he has never slept in his crib lol screams until he throws up. He loves to be with his mama lol. Out of curiosity, I noticed you have a young baby too, is she the same way?

 

[too_scared]

Do you mean do I have aversion with her too? Generally not, but sometimes if I'm really tired or hot and he nursed a lot going to sleep and then she really cluster feeds a lot that evening I do get touched out and start to feel it a little with her. Not so intensely as with him, though. Thankfully!

They both have lip ties and shallow latches. There is no one in my province who corrects this so there's nothing I can do other than keep working on latch.

The pain is bad. It has days when it's better and days when it's worse. I have Dr. Newman's All Purpose Nipple Ointment now and if I can remember to use it it does help.

I'm going to try limiting the night nursing, cutting back a minute at a time every week or every few weeks depending on how he handles it. Last night munchkin and I slept in the spare bed and dh slept in our bed with kiddo. He woke once to nurse and then slept well after that. I did nurse him before I went to bed because he was stitring so I guess technically he woke twice. But it was a good night all in all. He has a cold so I'm shocked he slept as well as he did. Munchkin on the other hand... Hoping for a poopy from her today! I'm not used to a baby who skips days between poops! She is gassy and uncomfy so that's why we slept in the other room. It worked out well with kiddo so maybe I will try it again.

And I'm babbling...

 

[bcos21]

Hang in there!! I get so touched out by the end of the day too and I have just one kid lol mind started with a bad latch so I used a nipple shield for the first 6 month and then one day he latched fine on his own

 

[too_scared]

Thank you.

I used a shield with my son until he finally latched on his own at 4.5 months. No shield with munchkin and I would really rather avoid one because it caused me so much stress.

I'm going to try really hard to let him self wean. I am working with him on getting a nice deep latch and that helps. Now I just need munchkin to get a deep latch too and the pain should get better.

 

[kajastarlight]

Too_scared and and -- Good for you hanging in there with aversion! I think we should change your name to TooAwesome!!

I hate to be "that gal" but I really feel like you are so close to letting your LO self wean (I mean, closer than munchkin anyway!) and that because you still are going to be feeding your baby that you may need to see if you can find a way around this aversion. I just worry that making him wean will upset him as baby still "gets to" breastfeed. Normally I feel (just my own opinion) that aversion is your body's way of saying "enough already" and that it is a completely natural thing to gently start your baby's wean at that time... but it just doesn't feel right for your situation.

But when it comes down to it you know what is best for your family. And remember YOU are part of that family too! It is OK to do what feels right and if it gets to the point where assisting him weaning feels right then don't beat yourself up for it!

 

[too_scared]

Thank you

I don't want to wean him. Not at all. I honestly don't know how to do it. I'm just struggling at the moment with being very tired. That makes things so much harder. I think once sleep settles out it'll be so much better.

Thank you for being honest. I know Finn will feel left out if I'm weaning him. I couldn't imagine doing that to him. We get the question a lot if he's jealous of Evie. He's not, not one teeny bit. I think the tandem nursing really helps that. He knows he still gets milk and mommy cuddles special just for him.

Thank you again.

 

[Marumi]

For us frequent night wakings and intense nursing were phases that lasted no longer than a month. Since you have another little one I think night weaning would help if you can figure it out...and maybe just reduce a tiny bit during the day by distracting him? My son did not want to nurse as much when out or about or with my parents.
I have to admit he is still not fully night weaned though. Some nights he wants to nurse and usually in the early morning. I hope it will work out with another baby.

Btw. we learned a good latch thanks to lactation consultants and La Leche League Seen that mentioned somewhere I think.