Some Advice needed am i in the wrong

[tessica123]

right bit of history
been split 7 months i left id just had enough we have 2 boys together 2 & 3
he wont sort regulat contact
he will come to my house when ever he can to see the if i let him which isnt very often only really when boys seem to need to see him if you get me
he has only had them at his house a hand full of times and every time bar 1 has been because ive needed him to have them for dr app ect

the 1 time was when i got him to agree to start having them regular and i had to agree to fortnightly over night visit for 1 at a time so it meant each one would go 4 weeks between staying over which started at 4pm and ended at 8am
it happened once then never again which im glad as it wasnt fair on them to be split up

anyway ive tried to talk about xmas and because he doesnt have family or close friends he just brushes me off i dont want to talk about it
it depresses me ive got noone

he rang today to ask me what boys doing xmas eve so i said pj disco party but if he wanted them in day time that would be great so i could do last minute things
his response was i was going to come to yours so you can help with wrapping present (wtf) so i said sorry pj party and then we will be at my mums as we are staying over their

i have gone to my mums ever xmas day at 6am to do presents then we go to my nans all done for 11am so can sort dinner i have done this all my life
why should this year be any different plus im now on my own with boys

he has gone mental as he was going to stay here so he can wake up with boys on xmas day

ive told him no he can have them from 11am if he wishes and have them till boxing day or he can have them after dinner till boxing day

i feel that is reasonable as we used to get an hour with my dad in the am and it was shit having to leave all toys at home to go open more then pack them away to go back home

but no the afternoon is not convenient for him so he is demanding he wakes up with them and if i carry on the sillyness of sleeping at my mums he will have them xmas eve and i can collect them xmas day before dinner they are his kids and i have no right to deny him waking up with them on xmas day

i feel he has only done this to spite me as he knows that because of personal reasons close family passing once it gets to lunch time i want the day to be over

i am stuck i dont want the boys not to see him but dont see why i should not wake up with them

ive done so much to make it special xmas eve boxes with pj and a santa gift bag to leave out for santa then xmas morning boxes with letters from santa thanking them for milk and cookies and a little gift to open while all the presents are being sorted out

i look after the boys every day why should he get the one special day
hes already sent me a list of what he has bought them and spent a small fortune on them which he would never have done when with me he is very tight when it comes to xmas would rather get the few wow gifts them buy it all in jan half price

im so stressed the morning is the only time we can visit my nan as she goes to my aunts for lunch and stays for few days and this will probably be my nans last xmas
my sister lives miles away so comes over in the am does the present thing then goes home so they boys will miss out seeing her too

argh what do i do

 

[Dream.dream]

Usually the way it goes is if you get them Xmas morning one year he gets them Xmas morning the next .

I'm a child of divorced parents andi always had it that way untl I was about 12 and decided for myself I'd rather do morning with my mom and the free noon with my dad , but I still think it's fair to switch off every year or come to a compromise

 

[tessica123]

i am willing to swap each year

im just upset that ive tired to talk about xmas with him and he wouldnt now he demands to have them and tells me i cant stop him

i would be a little less upset if he had regular contact with them
i had to take 2 toddlers to s smear test with me as he wouldnt watch them and when i came out he was sat in cafe drinking coffee with his mate, the boys would have sat with them quite nicely instead of having to come with me for the smear which the dr nearly didnt do as boys were running riot lol

i just wish he would have sat and talked to me instead of telling me what happening and thats the end of it

he doesnt even have a bed for them to sleep in he threw their cotbeds away when i moved out
he wont keep any toys at his house

he has text me this morning telling me ive got to drop them off at 7pm xmas eve and i can collect them at 11.30am xmas day

i dont have a car he took that off me when i left but my little sister will take me to collect them xmas day
ive told him i cant drop them off xmas eve as getting taxi home from pj party and to go to mine to collect things then his to drop them off will be an extra £8 then ive got to get taxi home when dropped them off and i just cant afford it
and his reply was well you will just have to not have your hair done to pay for it then wont you!

this is one thing i will put my foot down on, if he is insisting he has them then he can bloody well fetch them and it will be 8pm not 7pm as pj party doesnt finish till 7pm and then we got to get ready and wait for taxi home and its a 15 minute drive

ive rung a solicitor to get some legal advice dont care how much it costs ill borrow it off my nan if i have too dont think ill get legal aid although their is a possibility as ive had police involved as he was harassing me