Some people just amaze me. Hurtful (Rant) Update pge 2

[todteach]

I'm so sorry hun. xox You are not the "bad guy" here. You need to remember that. What was said to you is terrible, sorry I'm being so harsh, but it's the truth. I can't believe that people would have the urge to call you with so many questions (whether they initially knew about your loss or not), and then make you out to be "emotional" and hurting "their feelings". Shame on them for making you feel this way right now. If you do talk to her again, make sure that she is aware how deeply affected you are by her conversation. You do not need this right now. What you and your family are in need of is love and support. If you say "the wrong thing" to someone, they shouldn't get their panties in a knot about it, you are grieving and have lost your child. Others shouldn't expect you to "watch your words" at this point. You should be able to tell people to leave you alone and that should be the end of it. I'm so sorry hun, but I am thoroughly disgusted by the way your cousin has spoken to you. How dare she upset you. Her feelings should and will come last right now.

I'm so sorry that your extended family is not a shoulder for you to cry on right now. They really should be, and now they should be ashamed at how they have treated everyone. tsk tsk.

Sending you tons of hugs hun. Don't answer your phone. xox Thinking of you.

 

[ellie]

just to say sorry for you having to deal with this when they should be supporting you. You have NOTHING to apologise for and I would refuse to get involved any further if it were me ... let them faff about between themselves if they want to, but you need to look after YOU at this point. If they can't understand what you are going through then it is not down to you to try and make them, nor is it down to you to be the 'bad guy' because they don't.
I hope they can all get over themselves and support you properly soon

 

[Shelby2007]

Like I have told you Rach.. my friend.. some people just think you can turn a switch on and off for grief.. they have NO clue until they go through something this horrible. Also Ive learned that people say the stupidest stuff when they dont know what to say.. like "it wasnt meant to be" .. "only the good die young".. "it could have been worse" - Im sure she thought it was something comforting to say (not saying its right!).. but she couldnt NOT say something. That's how people are when it comes to grief.. they dont know what to say.. but it's like that cant just sit and listen..


Am I making ANY sense??

 

[Shelby2007]

I volunteer for a grief program for children.. and their parents.. and Ive learned a TON of wrong things people say.. but they seem to think it's comforting to hear.. when in deed its not!

 

[rachjim98]

Yes Sara, you are making sense.

All of you are making sense. And the sad part is I know this! I know she was gutted by our conversation, but I was so wrapped up in the moment. I could not get over the words coming out of her mouth. My hurt and anger just blinded me to anything else.

I am kinda of embrarassed.. I can help others with their grief but when it comes to my own I am like a child..
Thanks everyone.

I have learned a huge lesson from this one!

 

[plumplump]

Aww chick this sucks alot!! Sending you a big hug and hope things settle down soon for you. If you mum brings it up again just tell her how it is and make no bones about it!
Hope you feel better soon.
xxxx

 

[Shelby2007]

I hear you on about handling others grief.. but your own. When my grandad died last June (we found out he was sick in March.. and he passed in June).. my grief was the weirdest it had ever been. I did cry.. but not that much.. Im guessing I was numb for the most part.. and then I started to lose things.. like my keys.. my shoes.. my glasses.. they were just disappearing everwhere! It was the weirdest feeling Ive ever had! Because I NEVER lose anything.. and then it was everything!

Now Im not comparing my granddad to Rebecca.. because the loss of a child is something NO ONE should ever have to go through! - just saying everyone greives in different ways. And ANGER is OKAY.. your family needs to understand that. And when you do talk to her again.. tell her it's not okay to say something that hurtful (because I guarantee she doesnt understand.. and needs to know!!)

I hope things are going better for you! And you are NOT silly. You are WONDERFUL

 

[Csunshine013]

So sorry that you had this happen.
Oh my I couldn't even read what she wanted to know. I know that before it happened to me I was so niave about the whole situation and would never even chance to ask about the procedure. I have since found BNB and haven't had to ask questions that made me feel uncomfortable as they were all out there before I even knew what I was looking for. I credit this site for the wonderful women that know what it's like to go through this and never ask how or why. They just know. Hope it gets better as I haven't had this happen yet and hope it doesn't happen to me or anyone that has gone through this.

 

[Orange lady]

People are just unbelieveable!! My friend found out that she was expecting 4 weeks after I did. She has been so insensitive. She still emails me after every scan etc, knowing full well that i would now be 24 weeks gone. It's come between us as friends. I just don't want to be around her. I understand people find it hard to know what to say when something like this happens, but surely they have some common sense!!
So my advice is to stick with people who DO understand, or at least have a little tact!
So sorry for your loss
xxx