Somebody help me with my messy 9 year old!

[3rdtimelucky]

Ok.. Calling all parents of messy children..

I am going to have a nervous break down with the mess in my childs bedroom I have a 9 year old daughter and she is messy by nature, in everything she does, her homeork, school work. Eating her dinner it does be all over her face. She is just generally messy. And her bedroom is the worst by far.

I have just gone up there to close her window, and you literally can not see her carpet with the piles and piles of crap that is all over the floor. Her wardrobe doors are open with shoes spilling out, her presses are all open. Her toys and god knows what else are thrown everywhere. I have told her she is grounded for a week. Its the only thing we fight about and its continuous. You would think she would have got the message by now! That we are going to keep fighting till she learns to tidy up after herself!

I have done everything I can think of to intice her to keep her room clean, like grounding her, conviscating her things but NOTHING works. Im running out of ideas and patience.. Please has anybody got any ideas!

Thanks for reading!

 

[hellohefalump]

Here's something my mum did once,

She went into my room with a bin bag, and anything that was on the floor she put in the bin bag and then she hid it! We did find it in the end (under the stairs!) but it worked for a while.

 

[ChristinaRN]

We have had this problem......and similar to the poster above.....we STRIPPED our childs room. Since she could not properly handle/take care of what she had, we dealt with. We got one bag of stuff to be put up until she could earn it back (clothes, shoes, radio etc) and another bag/box of stuff to be donated.....stuff she could never get back (toys, posters, stuffed animals etc. We stripped her room of EVERYTHING except a mattress with one sheet, one blanket and one pillow.....all with blue linens (very plain and not girly at all). We left her with a few sets of clothes for school but none of her favorites. Her radio was gone, all posters off the wall etc. She lived VERY simple till she could figure out how to take care of her stuff. This is TOUGH love.....but for us it was well worth it! You can either do it while she is away at school or while she sits there watching.
My daughter is not a neat freak to this day but she DOES understand that if I say clean your room.....that I mean it. She understands that her stuff and MY HOUSE is to be treated with respect. As for homework.....I have literally ripped up an assignment before and told her to restart....only took once! I had warned her before that her effort was unacceptable and that in the future I would make her redo it....I never yelled or made a scene out of it....just took it away and told her to restart.
Good luck!!!

 

[seoj]

I like the above ideas... my parents would do that to me. Not in my room, as I was a VERY tidy child, lol- but if I ever left something out where it didn't belong and they asked me to pick it up, and I didn't... it was gone!!!! I would have to "earn" it back.

Sometimes punishment does nothing to help... I tried that with my SD, but she is just messy by nature as well... and it's truly been a struggle over the years. BUT- she seems to respond best to a reward system... for instance, she can earn things IF she keeps her room clean... which I checked daily (well, used to- she's much better about it now)... so she had something to work towards. If that makes sense. If we would punish her for NOT cleaning, it never helped.... it would just get messy again the next day after she finally cleaned!!! So frustrating!!!

Another idea... is to tell her she has to clean it on a certain day, and if it's not clean by the time you check it, then you take everything left on the floor (like mentioned above)- then she has to earn her stuff back... and if she doesn't, then obviously it wasn't that important to begin with. But if she watches you take it away- I'm sure she will want it back!!! lol.

A few times, I even helped my SD clean her room from top to bottom... we would organize and clean and throw out what wasn't needed... it made her feel involved and she did enjoy the help. I think she just got overwhelmed on her own sometimes. I didn't do it often... but enough for her to see how it worked and understand what to do. Now she won't ever keep her room as clean as i would like... lol... I'm a neat freak! But- she is MUCH better than she used to be... and I've learned to let some of the little messes go. Like she has a lot of "clutter" in her room... lots of nick nacks and what not... and to me, that looks messy, but long as it has a place... I allow her to keep them. As it is her room- even though really, it's OUR room, we just let her live there! haha. But want her to feel like she has her own space in our house. If that makes sense?

Best of luck hun... hope some of the suggestions help

 

[5headh]

We have had this problem......and similar to the poster above.....we STRIPPED our childs room. Since she could not properly handle/take care of what she had, we dealt with. We got one bag of stuff to be put up until she could earn it back (clothes, shoes, radio etc) and another bag/box of stuff to be donated.....stuff she could never get back (toys, posters, stuffed animals etc. We stripped her room of EVERYTHING except a mattress with one sheet, one blanket and one pillow.....all with blue linens (very plain and not girly at all). We left her with a few sets of clothes for school but none of her favorites. Her radio was gone, all posters off the wall etc. She lived VERY simple till she could figure out how to take care of her stuff. This is TOUGH love.....but for us it was well worth it! You can either do it while she is away at school or while she sits there watching.
My daughter is not a neat freak to this day but she DOES understand that if I say clean your room.....that I mean it. She understands that her stuff and MY HOUSE is to be treated with respect. As for homework.....I have literally ripped up an assignment before and told her to restart....only took once! I had warned her before that her effort was unacceptable and that in the future I would make her redo it....I never yelled or made a scene out of it....just took it away and told her to restart.
Good luck!!!

I agree with this one!

 

[3rdtimelucky]

Thanks for the replies all.

I will defo try the black bag thing and the rewards chart maybe. I think that would work well with her as giving out to her doesnt seem to be working at all. She is such a great child in every other way, but this drives me crazy and as ive said its the only thing we fight about!
As for her homework myself and my husband regularly rip out sheets of her work and make her start again as its so messy, and I have to say she is getting alot better with it. It seems to be sinking in ! (eventually)

It makes me laugh though as I have a 6 year old daughter who is the complete opposite to her sister in that she is a total neat freak. They did share a bedroom, but we had to move our 6 yr old into her own room as she just couldnt take the mess anymore, it was stressing her out! They are like chalk and cheese. I dread to think what my son is going to be like

Thanks again for the replies x

 

[seoj]

My brother and I were TOTALLY different as children... I was a complete neat freak (being the oldest) and he was a total slob (2 1/2 yrs younger than me)-- but as he matured... he grew out of his clutter ways! lol. He'll never be like me... I'm a bit OCD about it... lol... but he keeps a clean house and has for years.

I really think part is just WHO they are- my Step Daughter feels anxiety when things are TOO clean! lol. Total opposite of me But otherwise a very lovely child. I am a bit hopeful our next kid get's that "clean" gene from me so we don't have to hound her/him too much! lol. But we'll see...

Sounds like you have a lovely child! Always gonna be something to frustrate us as parents though... I think it's in their job description! haha.