Someone Kill Me............. :(:(

[danielle1987]

Having such a bad day, didnt help that my cousin, who takes drugs had her 12 week scan today and everything was PERFECT....... i hate myself, and right now hate everyone who is pregnant......... i have lost too babies who were very much wanted, i should be 4 months pregnant, looking a prams, picking out paper, not sitting her feeling so suicidal, and wanting to be pregnant more than ever, I can feel im about to ovulate and i know all the sex we have had wont make any difference, because im not meant to be a mummy, Im never going to be.

Sorry ladies just had to get it out, I have cried pretty much all day today, The doc has given me Fluoxatine and Temazapan to help me sleep, part of me wants to take the lot and just get my life over and done with, cant take it anymore. I thought with me only being 22 it would be easy like it has been for all my friends but obviously not......... All tests say me and oh are fertile but yet nothing happens............ So sick to death of it....

 

[hopes fading]

Whoa Nelly! Let's get some perspective here! Yes, life is terribly cruel and we are each surrounded by people that seem to conceive at the drop of a hat (or at least the drop of someones under crackers)! But as someone on here once told me, other people’s successes do not have any impact at all on our own fertility. Sure, it takes some of us an awful lot longer than others but at this juncture; there is nothing to say you won't go on to be a Mum and nothing to say you're time won't be soon either.

I am keeping everything x'ed for you from here on. I really hope you get a sticky BFP very soon and in the mean time, don't feel bad for not feeling pleased for others - just try not to beat yourself up too much either. Hopes. X

 

[Adanma]

danielle: So sorry you're feeling this way. One day you'll be holding your baby in your arms and thank God you didn't carry through with that. I know it's very frustrating when you want something so bad and then you see others getting pregnant by accident or having abortions etc. Just try to remember that your losses aren't your fault and there is an excellent chance you will have a baby soon! Chin up! Positive thoughts can really turn your outlook around so even if you are feeling negative try giving postive thinking a go and you may start to feel better. I hope you do.

Adanma

 

[kit_cat]

Having such a bad day, didnt help that my cousin, who takes drugs had her 12 week scan today and everything was PERFECT....... i hate myself, and right now hate everyone who is pregnant......... i have lost too babies who were very much wanted, i should be 4 months pregnant, looking a prams, picking out paper, not sitting her feeling so suicidal, and wanting to be pregnant more than ever, I can feel im about to ovulate and i know all the sex we have had wont make any difference, because im not meant to be a mummy, Im never going to be.

Sorry ladies just had to get it out, I have cried pretty much all day today, The doc has given me Fluoxatine and Temazapan to help me sleep, part of me wants to take the lot and just get my life over and done with, cant take it anymore. I thought with me only being 22 it would be easy like it has been for all my friends but obviously not......... All tests say me and oh are fertile but yet nothing happens............ So sick to death of it....

Oh Danielle, I'm so sorry for you and I totally get how you feel but trust me when I say you have tons of time to make your babies. You will be a mum and a great one at that I'm sure You clearly are fertile as you have been pregnant and the tests say you are fine, so, please hang in there because your time is coming. Many women endure losses and go on to have perfectly healthy babies, you will too!!

Take it easy on yourself x

 

[Leeze]

Hi Danielle

sorry to hear you're feeling so lousy. I think it's understandable to have really low feelings sometimes because this is obviously really important to you (I'm guessing we can all relate to how important this is!).

I had a m/c in June and keep thinking I would be 5 months pregnant now, and I've just heard this week about 2 more people that I know who are about 4 months pregnant (and 2 others recently who are now about 5 months). I feel really jealous sometimes and quite angry too - and it feels such a relief to me to find others on here who get the same kind of feelings (to remind me that it's quite normal to feel like this).

I don't know what support you've got around you but maybe it would be worth trying to do something to help you feel a bit better - maybe acupuncture, reflexology, yoga - or even some counselling (or my favourite is a bit of retail therapy) - something to treat yourself with and help you to keep focusing on this - because it clearly is so important to you.

fingers crossed for you and big hugs

 

[danielle1987]

thank you ladies so much for your kind words of support. i just get so mad sometimes, i would like to think one day i will be a mum but its so hard to even think like that after 2 loss's.

Thank you all very very much, xxx

 

[Adanma]

My sister suffered 4 mc and I'm holding her beautiful 2 month old daughter right now. Don't lose hope!

Adanma

 

[ab75]

hi, just wanted to say that i know exactly how u feel...i should be 4.5 months pg but i had my 4th mc in aug. the worst thing is when u see pg women smoking, drinking etc...and they r the lucky 1s that have full term pg. makes me so angry that i eat healthy,don't smoke drink etc and yet it doesn't make a dif!!! anyway sorry for ranting on. i really hope that u get ur baby soon amanda xx

 

[Vickieh1981]

I really sympathise hun. I had a 5 week miscarriage and then straight on the back of that I fell pregnant and lost Isabella.

I remember walking out of the hospital after they told me she had died and seeing a pregnant woman smoking. It felt so so unfair.

You will get there though. I know it doesn't feel that way right now.

 

[hopes-up-sd]

Please hang in there and give yourself time to heal. There is a child you are meant to mother, who needs you to be strong and get through this. Call a helpline, have a drink, scream till you're hoarse, and beat a pillow if you must, but keep breathing, keep being, and keep trying. Your losses are already so tragic, do not compound that tragedy by losing yourself. Until you are able, I intend to hold faith in the child you are meant to have in your arms, on your behalf. I know what it is to lose faith and want to end it- But that feeling passes. Someone you love gives you a hug, a family member looks in your eyes and smiles, something you see in nature is beautiful again. Taking action in your desperation cannot ever be undone. Hang in there, even if it's by your fingernails. Eventually, you will have your feet under you again.

 

[Tigerlilies]

I know you posted this awhile ago but I'm just getting back into BnB after my 2nd MC b.c it hurt too much before. I felt the same way, what was the point of living if I couldn't have a child of my own, even DH felt that way. Our time will come though, even if there are a few more bumps in the road. As sad as I have felt, I know there is a plan and that plan isn't always on our time. We have to have faith and trust. I hope you're feeling better now!

 

[Leanne020807]

Hello,

Im so sorry for your losses, It must be so hard for you but please dont give up.

I got a small heart tattoo on my hand that helped me alot with my loss, maybe you could think of somthing that could help you?

I hope your feeling better xx

 

[MimiCher]

Danielle, please don't give up hope (or life). I had a miscarriage at age 26 and tried for 2 years to get pregnant again. I even changed doctors. I had several tests and procedures done, as did my husband, to rule out a lot of things. I finally had surgery to move my tilted uterus into a correct position. I got pregnant 3 monhts later and I now have 3 children, the last one at age 38. I actualy got my tubes tied so I wouldn't have any more. I kinda wish my son would have been twins. He was born last after 2 girls several years earlier. Anyway...keep trying, leave no stone unturned, get 2nd and 3rd opinions. Good luck.
PS It just seems like everyone is pregnant, because that's all you are focusing on. I know that feeling.

 

[IMPPEARL]

I kinda know how you feel, I have a friend who is an alcoholic and is about 20 weeks prego. I keep saying to put her into rehab as she is doing harm to her baby but her husband doesn't want to till she had the child... hello now the time. Anyway, it like why does she get to keep the baby and I had to loose mine?? I mean come on the girl drinks mouthwash to get her fix if the house is empty, and she can't get alcohol... what did I do wrong!! Its just so unfair! Anyway just know that you are not alone in this and try not to take it too personally. Easier said then done I know... but at least were all here for each other when a rant is needed!!I have my fingers crossed for all of us fro our BFP!! Your turn will come!!

 

[wannabe mam]

I hope you are having a better day today, I know how you feel its so not fair my baby should have been born a couple of weeks ago, we will get there though and we will appreciate it a whole lot more, good luck xxx

 

[Tasha16]

thank you ladies so much for your kind words of support. i just get so mad sometimes, i would like to think one day i will be a mum but its so hard to even think like that after 2 loss's.

Thank you all very very much, xxx

Hi Danielle I know exactly how you are feeling I am 27 and going through my 5th loss this week, it is really had and I always think that it is never going to happen for me and my OH but the reality is you can't give up hope.

I pray every day that it will Happen!

I hope it happens for you soon Hun X

 

[Feisty Fidget]

Hi Danielle,
I too understand how you feel. I am currently going through my first miscarriage after months of trying (I have major hormone problems stopping ovulation) and everyone keeps telling me well at least you know you can get pregnant. Well yes we all know that we can now get pregnant but that doesn't make it easier to fall again!

You are 2 years younger then me, you have youth on your side, a partner who obviously adores you and looking at your profile pic your gorgeous! As hard as it may be, it is vital that you try to see the good in life even when everything seems like it's falling apart.

To help me get through this difficult time I have just handed my notice into a much hated job and am trying to focus on the future! I think you need something to focus on too. I just want this bleeding to stop so we can start trying again!