Someone reasure me!!

[jessabella]

Well today I went to a neighbours place and she was feeding her baby boy (11months). I started talking about things that I plan to do when little Olivia arrives..talked about cloth nappies, breastfeeding, baby lead weaning, babywearing, daily routines..sleeping patterns...ect ..ect...

I know this person has a sweet heart so I didnt get upset but was a bit discouraging when she said....
"I have never met anyone who actually stuck with cloth nappies, they all have the best intentions but give up"

"Everyone who I know who has a baby carrier says its a waste of money as you dont use it very often, Ive only used mine a handful of times"

"The only reason I feed my baby this way is because this is the only way he allows me to feed him..if he does it himself"

"I tried to let baby sleep in my room but after a week or so he went to his own room as he will annoy you and disturb your sleep with all his sounds"

She basically said that everything I would like to try will not work and even though I have the best intentions I have to do what the baby wants and then try to make everything else work around it...She said I wont have time to make my own baby food and wash nappies and try to figure out wich nappy works best..she then also said I wont be able to 'chat' on my "baby forum" like I do now..as there will be no time in my day for that.

I mean I know it wont be a walk in the park and I know that the way I choose to do things are not as easy as it could be if I choose "alternative ways" but its the way I would like to do things and try atleast and I think if you have your mind set to do something then you will put all of your effort into it right? Amm I being daft and over zeolous and nieve...being a first time mum!

Sorry for the rant..I never go on like this..but just wanting to hear how you ladies do it..how have you managed everything ...someone tell me that I can do the things I really want to do!!!

 

[Callie-xoxox]

Don't believe her!
I co sleep BF Babywear and cloth diaper.
My daughter is only 3 months old but I DONT plan on changing anything anytime soon.
I love so sleeping I dont get waken up by her noises at all. I sleep way better with her in my bed with me.
When it comes to baby wearing I wear Lyrik as much as I can. When i go shopping alone I have to use a stroller since I dont drive and I need my stroller to carry the things I buy
. I BF Lyrik and its way easier then FF. If you have to FF then there is no much you can do but if you can BF its AMAZING!
And Cloth diapering well i am 100% addicted as we all know. its so easy the only part I dont like is I am still using disposable wipes ( till I run out) and its so annoying to have to put the diaper in the pail and he wipes in the garbage. That's the ONLY thing I dont like and its a super silly thing.
Dont let your friend get you down!
xxx

 

[jessabella]

Thanks Callie...this makes me feel a bit better! I now she meant the best as she is a really sweet person...maybe Im just hormonal but made me feel like all that I want to do is going to fail...
and the thing is Im really flexable ...I cant even co sleep I was just telling her about the swing crib I will have in the room next to my bed..I wish I could co sleep though..

 

[elm]

You're choices are all absolutely achievable and I believe that in the long term you'll find that they'll benefit you and your baby long term x

I'm sure there is something to what your neighbour is saying - if I'd only had a baby bjorn type carrier then I wouldn't have been able to keep babywearing for very long but I had a moby which was amazing and then moved on to different carriers as Elliot got older. I've never had a pram / pushchair and never needed or missed one.

Baby led weaning means that you don't have to prepare your childs food separately, it works much better if you're both eating the same healthy foods at the same time.

We co-slept which meant as I was breastfeeding I didn't have to keep getting up all night I just turned over if necessary. Breastfeeding means no preparing bottles, no needing to be as organised before you go out!

Some things are hard especially in the early days. Breastfeeding posed many, many problems for us but we worked through them and I continue to breastfeed now

Listen to your instincts and go with what you feel is right, battling with them takes far too much energy and you know what is right for you and your baby x

 

[jms895]

dont believe her! I really dont like people like that

You do whatever you want to do and will find most of it is much easier than doing it another way!

I did all of it (except BLW as I was scared ) and will do it all again xx

Hey I have over 12,000 posts too on here I make me time too!

 

[freckleonear]

"I have never met anyone who actually stuck with cloth nappies, they all have the best intentions but give up"

True for everyone I know in real life, but they used terries and horrible plastic pants so they were amazed when I showed them Tabitha's nappies.

"Everyone who I know who has a baby carrier says its a waste of money as you dont use it very often, Ive only used mine a handful of times"

Again true for everyone I know in real life, but they bought mass-produced carriers such as Baby Bjorn or Tomy, which get really uncomfortable once baby is a bit heavier. A proper wrap or carrier will last for ages though, I still carry my nearly 3 year old in my Connecta sometimes.

"The only reason I feed my baby this way is because this is the only way he allows me to feed him..if he does it himself"

Well if so many babies prefer to feed themselves then surely that is very good evidence for BLW!

"I tried to let baby sleep in my room but after a week or so he went to his own room as he will annoy you and disturb your sleep with all his sounds"

Yes babies can be noisy but honestly, when my babies were tiny there is no way I could have slept with them out of the room as I would have been far too worried to sleep!

Misinformation is a major factor for giving up on things like breastfeeding, babywearing and cloth nappies. So many women have no idea what to expect about newborn feeding, or that terries and plastic pants aren't the only option, or that there are carriers apart from the ones sold in Mothercare. You have the advantage of good information which gives you a good headstart on success. Also you're absolutely right that having your mind set on it means that you put more effort into making it work than someone who isn't so convinced about what they want. Don't be discouraged, the things you want to try aren't going to not work just because she says so! Everyone seems to have an opinion when it comes to other people's babies but in a few months time she may have to eat her words. Don't forget to remind her what she said.

 

[jms895]

Use a sling and type whilst baby is latched on feeding!

Sleep when they do, cuddle up with them and you get a good few hours

Basically you can do everything you want just in a different way!

 

[jessabella]

Yeah that is the plan, hubby said that he hopes everyone who tells us things like this will eat their words..I also had another girl tell me that I should get all the time I want on the internet and watching tv now becaues when the baby comes I wll have no time to do it anymore..
I know that everyone exspreinces are different and yet I know that what they say there is truth behind it in a sense but we are all different and our own priorties are different so we will do what we feel or see fit ..thats what I believe anyway.
I love my neighbour but I also think very differently than she does..also I think you are right about misinformation...
She believes that it will be hard with cloth nappies because of the washing ect..and I do believe she doenst know about modern nappies...but the difference with her and I is that my husband loves doing washing and already looking forward to that being his job ad for helping out with using cloth nappies ect...also he made me sit down and go through each different type of nappie ..how to use ect..I know that her OH would not be helping with the nappies at all so from her point of view it would be harder and much more work...as for BF I know that she had a terriable time with it..and fair enough if it doenst work I will FF...Im not ashamed but I will give it my best to work it out in the begining...Oh and as far as carriers she does have a baby bjorn or whatever its called and well just the look of that thing doesnt look confy to me...I have a maya sling wrap and plan to get another mei tei (sp?) or similar at the baby show ...but I think that we have very different views on alot of things because I am a researcher ..I research for hours about things that interest me and I try to educate myself from all aspects and most people who have said these comments to us dont do that!

 

[Callie-xoxox]

Glad you feel better

 

[jessabella]

Thanks Hun! Sometimes you just need to hear that you are doing the right thing or to hear that it will all be ok! It's like a reminder that it will be okay and doesn't matter what those aposed or disagree think! I think I take thinks more personal since I'm pregnant!!

 

[Callie-xoxox]

Thanks Hun! Sometimes you just need to hear that you are doing the right thing or to hear that it will all be ok! It's like a reminder that it will be okay and doesn't matter what those aposed or disagree think! I think I take thinks more personal since I'm pregnant!!

I sure did I cried most of my pregnancy.
I was SOO emotional it was soo bad.

 

[Croc-O-Dile]

I still get on BnB and am able to have a good chat with some of the ladies and I do all of that! Livi loved Sesame Street, so normally when she's watching that in the morning I get on BnB. And now that I'm bfing more during the day happydance: ) I NAK (nurse at the keyboard)

The first week or so you'll probably just want to stare at her in awe the entire time she's nursing, but after a while you get to the point where you just slap her on a boob and keep going about your business!
I have my bonding time with her at night, where I just sit in bed and nurse her and have that awe moment with her. But during the day I'll admit to having walked around the house with her attached to my boob!

 

[Callie-xoxox]

I still get on BnB and am able to have a good chat with some of the ladies and I do all of that! Livi loved Sesame Street, so normally when she's watching that in the morning I get on BnB. And now that I'm bfing more during the day happydance: ) I NAK (nurse at the keyboard)

The first week or so you'll probably just want to stare at her in awe the entire time she's nursing, but after a while you get to the point where you just slap her on a boob and keep going about your business!
I have my bonding time with her at night, where I just sit in bed and nurse her and have that awe moment with her. But during the day I'll admit to having walked around the house with her attached to my boob!

So glad you can nurse more!

And I sometimes walk about with Lyrik on the boob too~
its kinda funny to say, But its true
Us single moms dont get much of a choice.

 

[mandarhino]

Motherhood is always going to be a mix of good intentions meeting with reality. But probably the people who get the biggest shocks are the ones that think life will return to 'normal' or that babies sleep really well.

When you're establishing breastfeeding you'll have a lot of time for playing on the internet and watching tv. You'll need something to distract yourself whilst cluster feeding! Even now I use feeding time outside of naps/bedtime to play on internet - she's nursing now.

I had plans to use my Moby sling constantly but that didn't totally work out as planned. I had a c section so needed to wait a while before using it. And then my baby (big obviously cramped in womb) hated the newborn positions. She also refused to be swaddled. She did like the Bjorn, which I hated. I did get a Baby Hawk which I liked but she had mixed reactions. I used my sling a fair bit, not as much as I expected and mostly for shorter trips out or around the house when I was trying to get her to sleep. I'd probably buy another type - maybe Ergo - for next baby.

Co-sleeping - well I never really planned to do that. Crib was in my room but I'd thought she'd sleep in that. She had other plans. Even though she (16 months) goes down to bed in her own room, she'll come into my bed in the early morning. If they're noisy and snuffling, just wear ear plugs. You'll hear everything important.

Cloth diapering I didn't start until she was about 3 weeks or so as I wanted to concentrate on cracking breastfeeding. Plus with a C section and a house spread over 4 floors with the washing machine in the basement and the only bathroom on the top floor, it wasn't easy. I had a few fits and starts over the first 2 months but have carried on ever since.

Was a bit of a BLW failure as well. Did well for first 4 weeks and then I was worried that the lack of food meant that she wasn't sleeping (she'd been waking constantly through the night from about 15 weeks - this was about 28 weeks or so). So I started spoon feeding her as well - what we were eating. Doesn't matter now. She loves vegetables, lentils, etc and eats a healthy diet. Feeds herself well with a spoon or fork, when she wants to.

Some things went to plan, some didn't exactly. But overall I'm comfortable with my mode of parenting and I'd do it all over again. Just be confident in what you want to do, be prepared to be a bit flexible if things don't go exactly to plan and you'll be just fine.

 

[littlestar]

jessabella - i went to the baby show hoping to look at a few carriers the only ones i found that were different to the bjorn style ones were the close parent and the lifft ring sling style ones. you will get to give them a whirl though.

Stick to what your comfortable with honey - I have loads of people tell me that this or that wouldn't work out. but we're still bf at 11 months, still using cloth nappies f/t and the looks we had when we started BLWing! mg: we stuck at it and my goodness didn't their jaws drop the next time they saw Q eat. Q still baby wear as well.

Q is a happy, well adjusted, care free little boy who adapts to anything we've thrown at him.
he had to go to a different childminder this week whilst my childminders little girl was poorly - the substitute childminder was stunned how he behaved, like she'd had him for months not days!
Who says breastfeeding and baby wearing = clingy baby!! Q is living proof that it's not the case!

Go with your instincts honey!!

 

[genelia]

Well today I went to a neighbours place and she was feeding her baby boy (11months). I started talking about things that I plan to do when little Olivia arrives..talked about cloth nappies, breastfeeding, baby lead weaning, babywearing, daily routines..sleeping patterns...ect ..ect...

I know this person has a sweet heart so I didnt get upset but was a bit discouraging when she said....
"I have never met anyone who actually stuck with cloth nappies, they all have the best intentions but give up"

"Everyone who I know who has a baby carrier says its a waste of money as you dont use it very often, Ive only used mine a handful of times"

"The only reason I feed my baby this way is because this is the only way he allows me to feed him..if he does it himself"

"I tried to let baby sleep in my room but after a week or so he went to his own room as he will annoy you and disturb your sleep with all his sounds"

She basically said that everything I would like to try will not work and even though I have the best intentions I have to do what the baby wants and then try to make everything else work around it...She said I wont have time to make my own baby food and wash nappies and try to figure out wich nappy works best..she then also said I wont be able to 'chat' on my "baby forum" like I do now..as there will be no time in my day for that.

I mean I know it wont be a walk in the park and I know that the way I choose to do things are not as easy as it could be if I choose "alternative ways" but its the way I would like to do things and try atleast and I think if you have your mind set to do something then you will put all of your effort into it right? Amm I being daft and over zeolous and nieve...being a first time mum!

Sorry for the rant..I never go on like this..but just wanting to hear how you ladies do it..how have you managed everything ...someone tell me that I can do the things I really want to do!!!

hi this is Genelia, i am newbie here i like to say that dont hear what she says, there will be a lot of people who would discourge you for doing things that you really which to do but thats the time you really need to get on and face them, just have a deep faith in yourself and things would go as you have wanted them to go... all the best my best wishes with you

 

[Eala]

Sometimes it seems that having a child makes people quite close-minded. And I don't mean that in a horrible, derogatory way, but people seem to get fixated on "This worked/works for me, therefore it will be the same for everyone else", which is a load of absolute tripe.

I went into parenting with as open a mind as I could (of course, we all have unrealistic expecations at some point ). I've been very lucky with both her sleeping and her eating once we weaned. I'd longed to BF, but that didn't work out for us, and I took a LONG time to get over the guilt from that. What helped was when I realised that it wasn't *my* guilt, it was guilt which I was allowing others (mostly faceless internet bullies!) to put on me. My daughter is thriving, and I don't see how I could feel any closer to her than I do

Erm, I've rambled a bit here. What I think I'm getting at, is that as a parent, you and your partner make the decisions which are best for YOU as a family. Opinions are like a-holes, everyone has one. But if you can get in the mindset really early that you will only take on board those bits of advice which you *want* to take on, then I think it sets you up to be a lot more confident and happy Just wish someone had said this to me when I was pregnant!

Of course, it all sounds very reasonable, more than a year down the line now that all the pregnancy hormones are well and truly out of my system. Not sure if I'd even have heard it this time last year

 

[Charliebadger]

You sound like you have the exact right attitude - you've got to know what you hope to do, but be flexible and just see how it goes. A lot of new parents are dealing with their own disapointment and feelings of inadequacy and therefore take it out on others by telling them that their hopes are unrealistic. I heard it directed to the birth I wanted (friends who declared that a natural birth was just not possible, and seemed to delight in going on about the pain etc.) and reusable nappies. Well, I had my natural birth, and three and a half months in are still in cloth full time. I actually find them easier and more reliable than disposable, and even took them on holiday as I couldn't face using disposables! We're also bfing full time, which is way more straightforward than ff, and he's sleeping happily in a nature's nest in our room. Yes, babies can be noisy, but I actually think we sleep better with him in with us, as he never gets to the point of crying - I wake up when he starts to move around and show signs of hunger and get him fed really quickly, so we can both fall back to sleep easily.

You never know what your baby will be like or what this experience will be for you. Some elements will be easier, some harder. But do what feels best to you, and don't beat yourself up about anything you don't quite achieve. Enjoy the journey and good luck, you'll do great, I'm sure!

 

[Lliena]

Just wanted to echo what the other ladies have said really, misinformation about things goes hand in hand with people being discouraged about stuff imo.

Your clever and smart and you have a group of us here you can ask questions to anytime you need us and we will all try and help! Thats the benefit of making some internet friends

Also when people question my cloth nappies/baby wearing I say well what do you think people in other countires do that cant afford prams/ dont have sposies etc? They seem to cope perfectly well and bring up their children ok!

 

[Janidog]

We use cloth nappies and most of my friends think its a waste of time, but it doesn't bother me. Its the same with baby wearing, i only baby wear when we are out as LO hates being in it when we are sat down, but i do use the sling 80% of the time and the pushchair the other times. A friend of mine had a moby and didn't feel safe with it and has gone on to the Bjorn one, so what ever is more comfortable for you.

We don't co-sleep as it scares my husband, but if LO is wake from 4/5 in the morning then he comes in to bed with us and i cuddle him to sleep.

I shall be doing BLW so no puree food, but this is going to be down to whether LO wants to wait until he can have more solid food.

Just take motherhood as it comes as everything changes when the LO decides it, and just go with the flow